Friday, December 20, 2013

How Did this Awesome Snow Get on this Photo?

AutoAwesomeSnow, AutoAwesome google+ snow automatic

Does anybody know how this photo ended up with snow on it? I posted a bit a couple of hours ago that included this photo sans snow.

The little bell at the top of my google page had a red one on it (I don't believe that's ever happened before).  I clicked on it and ended up at a photo folder with three Christmas alterations.

Was this an automatic google thing to all Christmas-y photos uploaded to the net?

Finally, how do I get them to put snow on the photo of the Lexus on top of dead Santa?  That photo is the real deal.  The Craftsman vacuum is just a riff on the Lexus.

Thanks in advance.

The Home Alone Theme Song Blues

Home Alone funny creepy eating fingers part

When did the song from Home Alone become THE Christmas song on every TV commercial?

You know the song.  It plays when the spoiled brat gets all misty when he looks at the photo of his incredibly irresponsible mother.  If that mother was poor and black, Child Services would have taken away all those kids, and that photo would have shown up on the front page of the New York Post.

Lexus Christmas gift funny dead santa

Craftsman tools, Home Alone. The jewelry store in the mall that isn't "Every Kiss Begins with Kay." Home Alone. 

Every
 

I'm gonna take a minute and rant about Every Kiss Begins with Kay.  How effing effed up is that sediment?  It's the Anti-Christ Christmas slogan.  Does anybody know anybody  that wants somebody that will only kiss them when they give them diamond jewelry? If Every Kiss Begins with Kay, shouldn't I buy all her jewelry at BJ's Wholesale?

No, but seriously, if I go out with this kind of chick, what do I really have to buy her to get some head, a Lexus?

The Lexus Christmas commercials use the Home Alone theme, too.

Da,  da,  da,  da,  da da da,  da...

Who can afford to give someone a Lexus for Christmas? Doctors, drug dealers, the dad in Home Alone, and John Williams.

dead santa funny

John Williams, the guy that wrote the music in Star Wars, Jaws, Raiders of the Lost Ark, ad nauseum, also wrote the Home Alone Christmas ditty -- because his pile of money wasn't big enough.  He even had to sue Lexus because they used a virtually identical copy of it without giving him credit or royalties.

So when is Mariah Carey going to do a cover version?

Thursday, December 12, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 12/12/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.


When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Kim Kardashian nose surgery change 2006 2013 funny
Kim Kardashian and the riddle of her nose: How it has morphed over the years
My Comment: When's Kayne's nose gonna start changing?

Kim hasn't had surgery on her nose?  I call BS.

I thought Kayne was going to be a good influence on Kim.  He seemed smart and grounded, but it seems he's getting more like her everyday.  His talent is shrinking as his celebrity grows. Lately he's as dumb as a Kardashian.

Here's a rare photo of Kayne West and Kim Kardashian from New Year's Eve 2018.

Kim Kardashian and Kayne West New Year's Eve funny

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.   This week I sucked.  Next week I may go for the green.


Paul Wlaker vs Nelson Mandela funerals and media coverage
NELSON MANDELA 1918 - 2013: Former leader will lie in state for three days in a glass-fronted coffin during ten-day mourning period as South Africa prepares for the biggest funeral of the century
My Comment:  What, no headlines about Paul Walker? Your American readership went down 50%.  Rating ▼2

I did not know who Paul Walker was before he died.  Movies about fast cars driven by arrogant-looking douchebags aren't my thing.  Mandela I've heard of.  The next time a rightwing douchebag tells you how great Reagan was just say two words, "Apartheid and AIDs."

Kirstie Alley repulsive and hates Leah Remini
'Leah Remini is a repulsive bigot and my enemy': Kirstie Alley slams her ex-friend while on Howard Stern
My Comment:  Repulsive is as repulsive does (and looks) or The enemy of Kirstie Alley is my friend. Rating ▲160

Amanda Bynes daily mail cute hot
Amanda Bynes leaves rehab and is discharged into the custody of her parents
My Comment:  Great news for you guys. How much are you offering photographers for juicy photos? Rating ▲19

Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.  Now that's a call back.

funny Steve Carell Ron Burgundy hot weathergirl Laura Tobin
'You're all over the place!': Anchorman star Steve Carell hijacks weather girl's slot on Daybreak
My Comment:  Ron Burgundy, News Presenter. I'm sick of the endless Anchorman plugs. This movie must really suck if they're expending this much effort for that 1st weekend.  Rating ▼15

hot weather reporter Laura Tobin bum butt

So, I'm not much of a Ron Burgundy fan and the rest of the world is. I'll tell you what I am a fan of, Laura Tobin's butt. Look at it. Drink it in.  That butt is standing at attention and saluting. Forget hitting it with a car antenna, I want to put the Compleate Oxford Dictionary on it, build a fire and admire it from the sofa, while sipping a brandy.

Laura Tobin weather hot

Or maybe put a nice potted plant on it, a ficus or a fern, and make all my co-workers salivate with envy.

Hot weathergirl Laura Tobin butt or bum

Who is this Laura Tobin and how can I watch her butt forecast the weather every damn day?

Thursday, December 5, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 12/5/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny Daily Mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

funny Sarah Palin shit mouth
Martin Bashir suggests someone should 's**t' in Palin's mouth
My Comment:  Funny thing, if you paid her enough, she would do it -- with that big s**t-eating smile.
Remember, Sarah Palin got her customary  $100,000 speaking fee to appear at a Veteran's Day event. Can Sarah spell ho?
funny Kardashian Christmas card
Peekaboo! Kim Kardashian showcases her famous figure in a very revealing cut-out dress for the family's annual Christmas card
My Comment:  Kim's famously photoshopped figure!  Check out her waist, totally fake!
funny Kim Kardashian photoshop fail

No wonder Kayne paid the guy 2.5 million bucks for this year's Kim Kardashian Khristmas Kard.  It ain't easy making that figure look fabulous.


Katherine Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Twins
They could be Twins! Maria Shriver and daughter Katherine Schwarzenegger look like siblings as they go on shopping spree
My Comment:  Twins?  I guess Maria could be a weird, skeletal, horror show, mutant twin that grows out of her daughter's back and eventually takes control of the daughter's body.

Katherine Schwarzenegger hot bikini

Accepted Comments
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.


Lindsay Lohan suing Grand Theft Auto V
Spot the difference? Lindsay Lohan 'suing the makers of Grand Theft V for using her likeness in the game without permission'
My Comment:  If Lindsay Lohan actually looked like the woman in the game, she wouldn't have to spend her weekends "escorting" Arab sheiks. Look in a mirror, Lindsay! . Rating ▲0

funny Lindsay Lohan suing Grand Theft Auto V

Oh wait, Lindsay Lohan is upset about that cartoon image?  Girl might win the lawsuit.


Kayne
'They think I don't realize my power!' Kanye West calls on fans to boycott Louis Vuitton after snub... as he praises Kardashians' interracial relationships
My Comment:  He's got the power! Kayne will pull out his mighty sword, jump on his loyal battle hippopotamus, and storm the gates of those fancy French puftas. Oh wait, that's not a battle hippo, it's Kim Kardashian! Louis Vuitton must be shaking in his house dress.  . Rating ▲47


funny
'The Angel of 9/11': Haunting face appears in mangled girder taken from EXACT spot where first plane smashed into Twin Towers
My Comment:  Not an angel. It looks just like an Ewok from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Probably a commercial tie-in. If you look closely down near the bottom, you can clearly see Mayor McCheese and Ronald McDonald.    Rating ▲2

Okay, I admit that Ronald McDonald and Mayor McCheese were for laughs but I can make a pretty compelling argument for "The Ewok of 9-11."

The

Angel or Ewok, you decide.