When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
Lucy Mecklenburgh highlights her very bronzed skin with cut-out pastel dress
My Comment: Lucy Mecklenburgh is the most beautiful Oompa Loompa I have ever seen. Yummy!
A photo of Lucy Mecklenburgh when she competed in the Miss Oompa Loompa Beauty Contest back in 2009. She won.
Christina Milian is a sight for sore eyes as she crouches down in mini-skirt
My Comment: Christina Milian inflated a tire, and my crankshaft, at the same time. Gorgeous!
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
Selena Gomez exposes her derriere in VERY short cut-offs while heading to a meeting
My Comment: Who is she meeting with, her drug dealer? Rating ▲8
I hope that if I ever have a meeting with Selena (maybe when she decides to portray Becky McGowan, the tough lesbo drummer with a heart of gold, in my screenplay Frankie Filth.) that she wears that exact outfit butt, I doubt she will, because despite it being casual Friday, Selena Gomez does not dress like that to attend a business meeting. The Daily Mail knows a nice pair of butt cheeks butt fact-checking? Not so much.
One Direction star Zayn Malik is bombarded with death threats by outraged Israelis after posting #FreePalestine message on Twitter
My Comment: The guy is allowed to have an opinion. What's disappointing is he removed the tweet. I guess $$$ is more important than peace. Rating ▲43
Green arrows? I defend 1D, sort of, and Palestine, and get no right-wing outrage? Shame on you nutjobbers.
Michigan woman blames zoo for losing a finger when she tried to pet a caged lion
My Comment: More proof that white people should be in cages and the animals should be set free. Rating ▼8
Making fun of white people = red. My faith in humanity is restored. Thank you.
Bark's symphony: Taiwan dog owner tickles her pup in time to music so it looks like a living instrument
My Comment: If she tickled me like that, I'd complete Beethoven's 9th Symphony, in her lap! Rating ▲5
The Daily Mail Ass Crack of the Week!Feeling cheeky? See if you can guess the owner of this delightful celebrity ass crack.
The first correct caller will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt*. I'll give you a hint. Lately, this freaky drama queen has been in rehab more often than she has been on a movie set. That's not much help. I just narrowed it down to every actress in LA.
More hints: She has the butt of a 14 year old boy, the pasty, semi-translucent skin of a 114 year old woman and was accused of being a high priced escort for several Arab sheiks. And by high, I mean on drugs.
Haha, I tricked you. That's not a tempting ass crack. It's the damp, unappealing spot where a saggy sideboob meets amorphous side chub. Did you guess America's former sweetheart Lindsay Lohan!?!
Wow! If Lindsay was hanging on the beach with her former co-star Herbie it would be hard to tell them apart. Her current body shape is very Volkswageny.
* Readers of the blog PoundTheBudweiser and members of their family are not eligible for this contest.