tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36852493013694525352024-03-13T12:49:10.956-04:00PoundtheBudweiserNot suitable for children, pregnant women or discriminating readers.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.comBlogger428125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-91190550053721433832015-11-04T14:49:00.001-05:002015-11-04T14:49:18.438-05:00R.I.P. GrantlandA tribute...<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DUunc0IAq4E/VjpgJFiO5bI/AAAAAAAAG3E/AkTdaxWeDw0/s1600/grantland_goodell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Grantland Roger Goodell funny Cleo Rocos" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DUunc0IAq4E/VjpgJFiO5bI/AAAAAAAAG3E/AkTdaxWeDw0/s400/grantland_goodell.jpg" /></a></div>
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I will now have to find another way to kill 2 hours everyday. Maybe exercise or human interaction? Nah.<br />
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That's convicted liar Roger Goodell with underutilized Cleo Rocos. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-76863529929149140372015-10-30T12:49:00.001-04:002015-10-30T12:49:47.836-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 10/30/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0xCVtk121Yc/VjNxpdbejzI/AAAAAAAAG20/-CHUKRRdZV8/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_halloween_pregnant_belly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian Halloween 2015 pregnant belly fat" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0xCVtk121Yc/VjNxpdbejzI/AAAAAAAAG20/-CHUKRRdZV8/s400/Kim_Kardashian_halloween_pregnant_belly.jpg" /></a></div>
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When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PAgLvR-c0Us/Vi-A7OVULXI/AAAAAAAAG0Y/Ry-qzmQJia4/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PAgLvR-c0Us/Vi-A7OVULXI/AAAAAAAAG0Y/Ry-qzmQJia4/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kim Kardashian shows off her bump in yet another all-beige outfit as she steps out for fancy Beverly Hills lunch</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">It looks like somebody accidentally stepped on Kim but then realized it and managed to stop before she was totally squished into a beige blob of silly putty. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;">Not the funniest comment but truthful. You look doubtful.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d-FZOJ-AVqE/Vi-B4X6SylI/AAAAAAAAG0o/MfNaNrKbDpA/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d-FZOJ-AVqE/Vi-B4X6SylI/AAAAAAAAG0o/MfNaNrKbDpA/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_3.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #073763;">What a lovely day in Beverly Hills. I think I will go for a walk.</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vvLCn5Ev-7A/Vi-CJ_2wD2I/AAAAAAAAG0w/ISe14lAtdvI/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vvLCn5Ev-7A/Vi-CJ_2wD2I/AAAAAAAAG0w/ISe14lAtdvI/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_4.jpg" /></a></div>
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I'm a pretty big guy so even though I'm barefooted I don't always notice when I step on something insignificant.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qa_RA6hlPMc/Vi-DCLXReYI/AAAAAAAAG04/Wc6bXlrDX2I/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Qa_RA6hlPMc/Vi-DCLXReYI/AAAAAAAAG04/Wc6bXlrDX2I/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_5.jpg" /></a></div>
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That looks like a nice place to enjoy a fancy lunch.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MrIM8vgLoxA/Vi-DkJDpCkI/AAAAAAAAG1A/fiWVmuBh27g/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MrIM8vgLoxA/Vi-DkJDpCkI/AAAAAAAAG1A/fiWVmuBh27g/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_6.jpg" /></a></div>
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Maybe after lunch, I'll meet up with the girls and get a man-pedi. My feet are super gross.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3bZaewxfdeg/Vi-D-xtvpXI/AAAAAAAAG1I/0IbGqphhN44/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3bZaewxfdeg/Vi-D-xtvpXI/AAAAAAAAG1I/0IbGqphhN44/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_7.jpg" /></a></div>
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Oh no! I think I may have stepped on something squishy.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2QEBb9sDaYE/Vi-EOiJD2bI/AAAAAAAAG1Q/TIK18qmY29E/s1600/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian beige fat funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2QEBb9sDaYE/Vi-EOiJD2bI/AAAAAAAAG1Q/TIK18qmY29E/s400/Kim_Kardasian%2B_foot_squish_8.jpg" /></a></div>
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Yuck, I've stepped on silly putty or something lacking in the basic knowledge of style.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SpXE8r9bly4/VjNtc-Ga6_I/AAAAAAAAG2g/OpUNMLgzS3M/s1600/Ulysses_Grant_photoshopped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="President Ulysses Grant battlefield photoshop" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SpXE8r9bly4/VjNtc-Ga6_I/AAAAAAAAG2g/OpUNMLgzS3M/s400/Ulysses_Grant_photoshopped.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>The very first Photoshopped picture? How image of General Ulysses S. Grant during Civil War battle was cleverly mocked up</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Ulysses should have used Kim Kardashian's guy. His butt and boobs would be way bigger and his beer belly would have magically disappeared.</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cwpTBGKbMo/VjNtneZTTQI/AAAAAAAAG2o/2iB6IAAMxPM/s1600/Daily_Mail_needs%2Beditor.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_cwpTBGKbMo/VjNtneZTTQI/AAAAAAAAG2o/2iB6IAAMxPM/s400/Daily_Mail_needs%2Beditor.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>"Former high school football says he was sexually assaulted..."</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">Since when is it against the law to molest a football? What's next? Honeydew melon alerts?</span><br />
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<i><b>The Daily Mail</b></i>, where we depend on our readers to do the actual editing.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ioZcZcB_T4U/Vi-FfiKqCNI/AAAAAAAAG1c/CcbLd2E_YIo/s1600/Cindy_Crawford_tasty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Cindy Crawford hot and tasty" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ioZcZcB_T4U/Vi-FfiKqCNI/AAAAAAAAG1c/CcbLd2E_YIo/s400/Cindy_Crawford_tasty.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><span style="color: blue;">That looks tasty! Cindy Crawford parades her flawless physique in tight top and flared jeans as she gets coffee in New York</span></b><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">It does look tasty. I would start out with tiny little sips and nibbles until my mouth got used to the heat. Then I would slurp and quaff that tasty beverage until we were both satisfied, licking the foam off my lips before giving Cindy a goodnight kiss.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
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Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8cmxA97lA1Q/Vi48rMGtrkI/AAAAAAAAG0I/e7wUl9BEjpg/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_butt_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat butt funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8cmxA97lA1Q/Vi48rMGtrkI/AAAAAAAAG0I/e7wUl9BEjpg/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_butt_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Horsing around with the Beckhams: Victoria posts sweet snap of daughter Harper on a pony ride... as shirtless David shows off new rose neck tattoo</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">Do you people never tire of Khloe Kardashian's big butt? Oh, it's a horse? Nevermind. </span><span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼1</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9mQmHiiTVWc/VjNleMR-ioI/AAAAAAAAG2Q/QsAOyYtC5nM/s1600/Victoria_Beckham_looking_happy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Victoria Beckham big smile happy" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9mQmHiiTVWc/VjNleMR-ioI/AAAAAAAAG2Q/QsAOyYtC5nM/s400/Victoria_Beckham_looking_happy.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'I had to find my
confidence first': Victoria Beckham talks about becoming a global
fashion guru as she is named one of Glamour's Women Of The Year</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Vicky should go look for her smile. Maybe it's hiding in the same place as her confidence. </span><span style="color: #073763;"> </span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲28</b></span><br />
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Do I ever get tired of smile shaming Posh Spice? Not yet. Imagining gettng so much plastic surgery that you can't smile when your kids make you happy. She should do a Public Service Announcement explaining the dangers of too much surgery or maybe get another face lift her jowls are starting to sag.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HOfEkZacbNI/VjDD-cVy87I/AAAAAAAAG2A/t42PaCRmdmg/s1600/Christine_Bleakley_hot_hat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Christine Bleakley hot" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HOfEkZacbNI/VjDD-cVy87I/AAAAAAAAG2A/t42PaCRmdmg/s400/Christine_Bleakley_hot_hat.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Christine Bleakley cuts a glamorous figure as she watches fiance Frank Lampard receive an OBE alongside his daughters Isla and Luna</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;"> I could watch Christine watch her fiancé all day. She is hot.<b> </b></span><span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼86</b></span><span style="color: #073763;"></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"></span><br />
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Any comment that fits this generic format:<b> </b><br />
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<b> I could watch [<span style="color: #cc0000;">Decent Looking Celebrity I Never Heard Of</span>] watch her [</b><span style="color: #073763;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000;">fiancé/husband/boyfriend/boy toy</span>] all day </b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;"><b> </b>is red arrow gold. I don't know why but I'm not complaining.</span><br />
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If I won a prestigious award, maybe the coveted Bloke That Looks Most Like an Accountant in Need of Shave Award 2015 , and Christine Bleakly was my fiancé, I would ask her to give me head wearing that hat.<br />
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While she was kneeling in front of me hobbing my knob, I would put a marble at the very top of the hat and then try to award Christine for her efforts before the marble works its way to the bottom of the hat.<br />
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I submitted this fellatio fantasy as a comment but the Daily Mail rejected it. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-39994151271062496582015-10-22T10:40:00.000-04:002015-10-22T10:51:40.739-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 10/22/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cWVcb7EeOzk/VijrscistwI/AAAAAAAAGz4/t0FzS_W_Zo8/s1600/daily_mail_funny_102215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cWVcb7EeOzk/VijrscistwI/AAAAAAAAGz4/t0FzS_W_Zo8/s400/daily_mail_funny_102215.jpg" /></a></div>
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When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q-5KbjlxbH0/ViebNZAYp6I/AAAAAAAAGx8/O7FO4QNfWZ0/s1600/Playboy_ad_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Playboy ad funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q-5KbjlxbH0/ViebNZAYp6I/AAAAAAAAGx8/O7FO4QNfWZ0/s400/Playboy_ad_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Playboy will stop publishing photos of nude women - 62 years after Marilyn Monroe stripped off for the first issue</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Now my dad will have to masturbate to the vodka ads. </span> <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qj0O9fM0SPc/ViesU8tE9oI/AAAAAAAAGyw/tOs-bWHAUd0/s1600/Khloe_Lamar_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Lamar funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Qj0O9fM0SPc/ViesU8tE9oI/AAAAAAAAGyw/tOs-bWHAUd0/s400/Khloe_Lamar_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Khloe Kardashian 'splits' from boyfriend James Harden as she vows to stay by Lamar Odom's bedside... </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b><br />
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<span style="color: #073763;">Khloe: I'm sorry James but this is not about love, it's about ratings.<br /><br />James: Whatever. You ugly. </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eOyyuV_ANF4/ViebZDARXRI/AAAAAAAAGyE/3M4NgYy-ytU/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_halloween.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian halloween constume" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eOyyuV_ANF4/ViebZDARXRI/AAAAAAAAGyE/3M4NgYy-ytU/s400/Kim_Kardashian_halloween.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>It's back to business for the Kardashians as Kim, Kylie, Kendall, Kourtney and Kris head to high-profile events</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Kim looks like she is dressed up as a black olive for Halloween. She looks uncomfortable, unattractive, and underwhelming. </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KjD8BKPBoJ0/Vie5m0YuYCI/AAAAAAAAGzI/kVkViUxJ6Z0/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_Halloween_Olive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian halloween costume funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KjD8BKPBoJ0/Vie5m0YuYCI/AAAAAAAAGzI/kVkViUxJ6Z0/s400/Kim_Kardashian_Halloween_Olive.jpg" /></a></div>
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If the whole pornstar/rapper ashtray thing doesn't work out, Kim should take dancing lessons and tryout for a gig with the California Olive Growers Association.<br />
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As Kanye has found out, extra virgin might cost a little more but its well worth it. <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YIzQbRxWvIs/VierR0lTVjI/AAAAAAAAGyo/dgh0SCYK1vw/s1600/Khloe_without_makeup_crying_Lamar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian without makeup crying Lamar" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YIzQbRxWvIs/VierR0lTVjI/AAAAAAAAGyo/dgh0SCYK1vw/s400/Khloe_without_makeup_crying_Lamar.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'It has been incredibly difficult': Khloe breaks her silence as it's revealed Lamar has made his first steps at LA hospital but may need a kidney transplant after drug binge</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Imagine you're an organ donor and your kidney ends up in Lamar passing urine on to Khloe. Yuck. </span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EEDh0RUKm5U/VierHf8n2HI/AAAAAAAAGyg/9WvyFwA_Lew/s1600/Khloe_Kim_Kardashian_Golden_shower_Ray_J.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian golden shower Ray J" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EEDh0RUKm5U/VierHf8n2HI/AAAAAAAAGyg/9WvyFwA_Lew/s400/Khloe_Kim_Kardashian_Golden_shower_Ray_J.jpg" /></a></div>
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Lamar showering Khloe with his new kidney. That's Kim Kardashian in the upper right corner waiting for her turn.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8qUr7VTJXBc/VijmH5ifcPI/AAAAAAAAGzg/HQU1ioZhm4Y/s1600/Khloe_Lamar_hospital_photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="first Khloe Lamar hospital photo" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8qUr7VTJXBc/VijmH5ifcPI/AAAAAAAAGzg/HQU1ioZhm4Y/s400/Khloe_Lamar_hospital_photo.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kim, Kris, Kourtney and Kylie pictured leaving behind Khloe as they fly off on private jet after visiting Lamar - who offers a glimmer of hope by squeezing Kim's hand</b></span><br />
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<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">If Khloe was a good wife, Lamar Odom would still be alive. </span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲2</b></span><br />
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Using my considerable photoshop skills I think I have solved the Lamar Odom snorting a pile of cocaine, viagra and heroin mystery. Remember that this photo of Lamar passed out in the brothel was taken even before the police were called.<br />
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If you look carefully at the doorway behind the bed you can see a woman with a fat ass. Both of the hookers that Lamar paid to bang were skinny white chicks with no asses whatsoever -- which would worry me if I was Khloe. If her brain damaged ex-ex-husband really loves her, why does he prefer a hooker with no ass?<br />
<br />
But I digress, if you look even more carefully at that fat ass it is obvious from the implants and the bleached blonde hair that it is, none other than, Khloe Kardashian!<br />
<br />
Here's a section of the photo enhanced using a photoshop filter called skankenhancer.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0IiROHcQKVc/VijoM9_vfxI/AAAAAAAAGzs/4vmucsa_-AY/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_ass_brothel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat ass brothel funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0IiROHcQKVc/VijoM9_vfxI/AAAAAAAAGzs/4vmucsa_-AY/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_ass_brothel.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Why would Khloe Kardashian be at a brothel in the Nevada desert? She may have been picking up some pocket money by blowing the cleaning crew or...<br />
<br />
She may have poisoned Lamar Odom thereby insuring more camera time on the family TV show. Kim is pregnant, Kourtney is hot, Kylie's hormones are raging out of control, when you're the ugliest Kardashian you might resort to malfeasance to get noticed. Nobody wants to see James Harden sitting on a couch with a pampered pooch and I'm not talking about a Pomeranian.<br />
<br />
I think Lamar got himself a koma not a coma.<br />
<br />
I have forwarded my findings to the FBI and NYPD SVU. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-37518253117376883502015-10-02T09:32:00.001-04:002015-10-02T09:35:05.066-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 10/2/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qAu2fQt_Tvk/Vg1c0LdKB4I/AAAAAAAAGxo/8eOCijwZ254/s1600/daily_mail_funny_10215.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" comments="" daily="" funny="" mail="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qAu2fQt_Tvk/Vg1c0LdKB4I/AAAAAAAAGxo/8eOCijwZ254/s400/daily_mail_funny_10215.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W9ohlS8mpDY/Vg07cjE1dvI/AAAAAAAAGwM/LykKVksj5ng/s1600/Victoria_Beckham_Smiling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Victoria Beckham love saong smile" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W9ohlS8mpDY/Vg07cjE1dvI/AAAAAAAAGwM/LykKVksj5ng/s400/Victoria_Beckham_Smiling.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'It's a very new thing, she loves it': David Beckham reveals wife Victoria has a passion for tequila... and that he gifted her with a special bottle from Mexico</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Really looks like she loves it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #073763;">Smile though your face is plastic</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;">Smile though your skin's not elastic</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;">When your cheeks start to wrinkle, your eyes still can twinkle.</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #073763;">If you smile even though you're old and dried up.</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;">Smile though your face might crack up.</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;">You'll find that life is still worthwhile</span><br />
<span style="color: #073763;">Even if you're not in style.</span><br />
<br />
I take the time to write a love song for Vicky and <i><b>The Daily Mail</b></i> rejects it. Love stinks.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bERmU9ffZ44/Vg0-4-KSidI/AAAAAAAAGwY/myODv_ufHwc/s1600/MMA_big_boobs_Brye_Russillo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="MMA big boobs Brye Russillo" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bERmU9ffZ44/Vg0-4-KSidI/AAAAAAAAGwY/myODv_ufHwc/s400/MMA_big_boobs_Brye_Russillo.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>MMA fighter complains that her big 12lb breasts are holding her back by forcing her to compete in a heavier division</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> <span style="color: #073763;">Please don't get down about your big breasts. They may hamper your marital arts fighting but they look great and are good for lots other things -- that I would be willing to show you if you promise not to kick me in the nuts.</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f745eIn3y8c/Vg1APRQmSUI/AAAAAAAAGwg/dG7JRDpAyO4/s1600/Tom_Cruise_Mormon_wives.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tom Cruise Mormon" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f745eIn3y8c/Vg1APRQmSUI/AAAAAAAAGwg/dG7JRDpAyO4/s400/Tom_Cruise_Mormon_wives.gif" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Women in Warren Jeffs' mormon cult are forced to get pregnant by 'seed bearering' men while their husbands hold their hands and watch, claims exiled member</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">It's good thing Tom Cruise isn't a seed bearer because he's been shooting blanks his whole life.</span><br />
<br />
Because the last time I called Tom Cruise a Mormon, I got more red arrows than a Mormon has wives.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zgF24kGLLEY/Vg1WSFPcF-I/AAAAAAAAGww/Wb4H1wuWsAQ/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zgF24kGLLEY/Vg1WSFPcF-I/AAAAAAAAGww/Wb4H1wuWsAQ/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>The BIG reveal! Khloe Kardashian displays her peachy bottom in semi-sheer leggings... after unveiling newly blonde locks</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> <span style="color: #073763;">Khloe's bottom looks like somebody shoved two watermelons up her ass and they're struggling to get out.</span><br />
<br />
Comparing that fat ass to a peach is lazy journalism. Let's visually compare Khloe's fat ass to a peach drawn to scale.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0YBsqXHZd0M/Vg1Wa_EhcOI/AAAAAAAAGw4/RWlght_AABI/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_fake_peach_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0YBsqXHZd0M/Vg1Wa_EhcOI/AAAAAAAAGw4/RWlght_AABI/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_fake_peach_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Wow. A peach looks like an angry boil on Khloe's fat ass.<br />
<br />
Now let's compare that ass to two big watermelons.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9B09o5GCsXU/Vg1WhZrTx5I/AAAAAAAAGxA/kBvdsWPe9Bk/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_watermelon_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9B09o5GCsXU/Vg1WhZrTx5I/AAAAAAAAGxA/kBvdsWPe9Bk/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_watermelon_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
And I didn't even go to journalism school.<br />
<br />
This analysis begs the question, How many peaches can fit in Khloe's fat ass? We can derive a model and get a pretty good estimate.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BFWghBaFjVg/Vg1WpfRS4dI/AAAAAAAAGxI/PJxFR-1CdCc/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_peach_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BFWghBaFjVg/Vg1WpfRS4dI/AAAAAAAAGxI/PJxFR-1CdCc/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_fat_peach_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
The answer is 847 peaches can fit in Khloe Kardashian's fat ass.<br />
<br />
Coincidentally (or not), <i><b>The Daily Mail</b></i> called Khloe's sister Kendall's ass peachy a couple of days later.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8vH_jgeEZSY/Vg1Wvphs6TI/AAAAAAAAGxQ/G-eZRU0HkIM/s1600/Kendall_Jenner_braless.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="KendallJenner braless" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8vH_jgeEZSY/Vg1Wvphs6TI/AAAAAAAAGxQ/G-eZRU0HkIM/s400/Kendall_Jenner_braless.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Wild Kendall Jenner goes braless and flashes her peachy derriere in a sexy sheer ensemble for late night dinner in Paris</b></span><br />
<br />
Coincidentally (or not), Kendall Jenner happens to be carrying the exact peach we used in the Khloe fat ass analysis.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-roCYCOLQW5g/Vg1W6d14w8I/AAAAAAAAGxY/L3l9i1KYBUg/s1600/Kendall_Jenner_peach_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kendall Jenner ass funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-roCYCOLQW5g/Vg1W6d14w8I/AAAAAAAAGxY/L3l9i1KYBUg/s400/Kendall_Jenner_peach_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
How many peaches do you think can fit in Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass? <br />
<br />
The answer is, Who the fuck cares? I want to smother Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass in peach cobbler and spend the weekend nibbling. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ugrYosTe11U/Vg044n4LIAI/AAAAAAAAGwA/-9ZFvhWithg/s1600/Mayor_Beth_Van_Duyne_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Irvine Mayor Beth Van Duyne racist but funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ugrYosTe11U/Vg044n4LIAI/AAAAAAAAGwA/-9ZFvhWithg/s400/Mayor_Beth_Van_Duyne_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'He got what he asked for': Local officials, including mayor, justify the arrest of Ahmed Mohamed, 14, for bringing a homemade digital clock into school </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:<span style="color: #073763;"> </span></b><span style="color: #073763;">Jesus would say that "dumb and racist is no way to go through life, Mayor Beth." </span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼1,159</b></span><br />
<br />
If a white boy named Jim Bob had brought that clock into school, he would have won the science fair and a scholarship to Baylor. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-64969776456862756172015-09-17T09:36:00.000-04:002015-09-18T10:34:19.952-04:00Donald Trump not just a Rightwing Nutjob<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hscJzvX5jBs/VfrBX4tyijI/AAAAAAAAGvA/Y3C377qOl1g/s1600/Donald_Trump_anti-vaxxer_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hscJzvX5jBs/VfrBX4tyijI/AAAAAAAAGvA/Y3C377qOl1g/s400/Donald_Trump_anti-vaxxer_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Donald Trump, rightwing nutjob and anti-vaxxer nutjob, that's a winning combination!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>What Do You Get...</b></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7WiidA_Vl5I/VfrFhQRwX_I/AAAAAAAAGvM/NIHgK637u_I/s1600/Donald_Trump_photoshop_genius.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7WiidA_Vl5I/VfrFhQRwX_I/AAAAAAAAGvM/NIHgK637u_I/s400/Donald_Trump_photoshop_genius.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
when you combine an obnoxious Windows 10 ad, an obnoxious billionaire idiot and an obnoxious liberal with photoshop?
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-90558129133684046692015-08-06T08:20:00.001-04:002015-08-06T08:20:20.774-04:00Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Aerospace Club President<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wmBSiIksVpY/VbDiDtGay9I/AAAAAAAAGtU/XIAEYKP8R9k/s1600/Bob_Melonosky_TBT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bob Melonosky high school" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wmBSiIksVpY/VbDiDtGay9I/AAAAAAAAGtU/XIAEYKP8R9k/s400/Bob_Melonosky_TBT.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Presenting the 1978 Half Hollow Hills High School Aerospace Club. We met three times. The first time we elected officers. The second time we showed up at School Spirit Night and lost the sack race. The last time we met for this yearbook photo. <br />
<br />
Not too much effort to get Aerospace Club President on my high school transcript. SUNY-Stony Brook, here I come! Strangely, for a club that was so undemanding, there were seven presidents. My pal Dave was secretary, he couldn't handle the pressure of being president. We made him wear a low cut sweater and bring us coffee. He ended up at SUNY-Farmingdale.<br />
<br />
I often wonder how much Mr. Fistule got paid to be our advisor. He didn't even bother to show up for the photo.<br />
<br />
Whoa, almost forgot the required euphemism.<br />
<br />
See Cindy Fiore standing all the way to the left with her sweater vest, miniskirt, and long, luxurious, well-managed hair? I used to send her to apogee in geosynchronous orbit in the last row of the planetarium <span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(HHH HS East had a planetarium)</span> </span>using only my deep space probing tongue and my lunar roving fingers. Once, while Cindy was attempting to jettison my payload, my big, Saturn V underwent rapid unscheduled disassembly when Mr. Fistule caught her preparing me for launch.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Throwback Throwback Thursdays </h2>
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-first-wife-sarah-silverman.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Wife, Sarah Silverman</a> </b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/03/old-skool-skateboarding.html">Throwback Thursday - Old Skool Skateboarding</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-first-date_25.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Date</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/09/recieving-major-award.html">Throwback Thursday - Receiving a Major Award</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/11/jv-tennis-bob-melonosky-super-jock.html">Throwback Thursday - JV Tennis Bob Melonosky Super Jock</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">Throwback Thursday - Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/old-photos-half-hollow-hills-high.html">Throwback Thursday - HHH High School East Computer Club</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-my-high-school-german-club.html">Throwback Thursday - My High School German Club</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-cousin-claudia-christmas.html">Throwback Thursday - A Cousin Claudia Christmas</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/old-photos-i-was-teenage-poet.html">Throwback Thursday - I Was a Teenage Poet</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/09/glory-days-i-wanna-be-football-hero.html">Throwback Thursday - I Wanna Be a Football Hero</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/12/throwback-thursday-my-yearbook-photos.html">Throwback Thursday - My Yearbook Photos</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-brief-career-as-catholic-justin.html">Throwback Thursday - My Brief Career as the Catholic Justin Beiber</a></b><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/04/throwback-thursday-bob-melonosky-teen.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Teen Rambo</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/05/throwback-thursday-on-bob-melonosky.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - On a Bob Melonosky Built for Two</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/06/throwback-thursday-my-first-real-job.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - My First Real Job</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/06/throwback-thursday-my-6th-grade-spring.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - My 6th Grade Spring Dance</b></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-4900851799029924442015-08-03T10:37:00.002-04:002015-08-03T10:39:15.569-04:00A Not Dirty Limerick - The Mom From West Orange<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qusa4rPL-2g/Vb96fOiXzGI/AAAAAAAAGt4/2bXAd_p_oVE/s1600/dirty_limerick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qusa4rPL-2g/Vb96fOiXzGI/AAAAAAAAGt4/2bXAd_p_oVE/s400/dirty_limerick.jpg" alt="dirty limerick the monkees jack Nicholson west orange" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I wrote this not dirty limerick while driving home from the beach. There was a reason but you will never know.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>The Mom From West Orange</b></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>There once was a mom from West Orange</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>With shrubbery so thick you could forage</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>All day and all night</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>For the tiniest bite</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Her specialty, sausage in porridge</b></div>
<br />
Been half-rhyming orange since 10th Grade Honors English.<br />
<br />
<br />
The first caller that can correctly identify the connection between the photo and the limerick will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt<span style="color: orange;"><b>*</b></span>. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: small;">*</span></b> <span style="color: orange; font-size: xx-small;">Disclaimer: Friends, family and readers of this blog are not eligible for this contest.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-4059161558933388632015-07-16T08:57:00.001-04:002015-07-24T06:55:11.168-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/16/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yA66W5IFSYY/VaeoYuKny9I/AAAAAAAAGso/XovYfwGA9Y0/s1600/daily_mail_funny_71615.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yA66W5IFSYY/VaeoYuKny9I/AAAAAAAAGso/XovYfwGA9Y0/s400/daily_mail_funny_71615.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rs8zARPl6Us/VZ0kVLkuveI/AAAAAAAAGqE/yaPgfaYBcHA/s1600/Sailor_Kim_Rolling_Stone_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian Rolling Stone funny semen" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Rs8zARPl6Us/VZ0kVLkuveI/AAAAAAAAGqE/yaPgfaYBcHA/s400/Sailor_Kim_Rolling_Stone_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Ahoy there sailor! Kim Kardashian sports captain's hat as she puts ample cleavage on display</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Sailor Kim? Could be, she is a woman that would be very comfortable with a boatload of seamen.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z7A0GLPTLhc/VaaCBA-s23I/AAAAAAAAGsU/_BmLAqreG4Y/s1600/Amy_Schumer_topless_naked_Star_Wars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Any Schumer topless naked bed Star Wars funny C3PO R2D2" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z7A0GLPTLhc/VaaCBA-s23I/AAAAAAAAGsU/_BmLAqreG4Y/s400/Amy_Schumer_topless_naked_Star_Wars.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Amy Schumer goes completely topless as she climbs into bed with Star Wars robots for hilarious new GQ shoot</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> This photo is stupid. Everyone knows C3PO and R2D2 are gay.<br />
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I'm pretty sure they got married last summer in New Jersey. <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wnKDwt2RrS8/VaPB-np_z1I/AAAAAAAAGrE/DvErGa_2mMM/s1600/Kardashians_tight_white.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Khloe Kourtney Kardashian fat as whales funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wnKDwt2RrS8/VaPB-np_z1I/AAAAAAAAGrE/DvErGa_2mMM/s400/Kardashians_tight_white.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kourtney, Kim and Khloe wear super tight white outfits as younger sisters come to the rescue</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> Fetch me my harpoon, Ishmael. There's a pod of Kardashians off the starboard bow.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cFNzJitPtp4/VaaA3PzJLjI/AAAAAAAAGsM/6KGOw0mVIQ8/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_splooge_stain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim" border="0" kardashian="" semen="" splooge="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cFNzJitPtp4/VaaA3PzJLjI/AAAAAAAAGsM/6KGOw0mVIQ8/s400/Kim_Kardashian_splooge_stain.jpg" stain="" video="" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>North ruins pregnant Kim's $4500 Lanvin coat with her buttery popcorn following trip to the movies with Kanye</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> Grease? No way. Obviously, it's a splooge stain. Pregnant Kim was probably making a new video in the men's room of the movie theater. It's all about content, people.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
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Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PUzjMGSTtbI/VZ0jJZ1pHjI/AAAAAAAAGp8/oHacQkXjJVc/s1600/Michelle_Keegan_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Michelle" border="0" hot="" husband="" keegan="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PUzjMGSTtbI/VZ0jJZ1pHjI/AAAAAAAAGp8/oHacQkXjJVc/s400/Michelle_Keegan_hot.jpg" watch="" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Michelle Keegan displays her taut abs in crop top and scalloped skirt as she watches Mark Wright install private gym in marital home</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> I could watch her watch her husband all day. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼41</b></span><br />
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I'm not complaining but why the negativity? <br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pB0X5aGpFEg/VaO-tK9f_gI/AAAAAAAAGqo/oZgHIVTMqcw/s1600/Trump_hates_Mexicans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Donald Trump hates Mexicans funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pB0X5aGpFEg/VaO-tK9f_gI/AAAAAAAAGqo/oZgHIVTMqcw/s400/Trump_hates_Mexicans.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Donald Trump calls 'El Chapo' escape proof of Mexico's 'corruption' </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> Donald Trump is proof that you don't have to be intelligent to be rich. Especially when your dad gives you all the money. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼52</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fW0zA_eWxdI/VaO_uVKeaDI/AAAAAAAAGqw/5Ig3NLSA8yA/s1600/Chantelle_Houghton_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Chantelle Houghton hot package" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fW0zA_eWxdI/VaO_uVKeaDI/AAAAAAAAGqw/5Ig3NLSA8yA/s400/Chantelle_Houghton_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Chantelle Houghton shows off her weight loss as she coordinates her all-white look to her daughter Dolly</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> That's quite a package. I'd like to unwrap it in the privacy of my hotel room without the kid. The bow is really nice. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼5</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9oq1MMOmPlo/VaeqLk9Dw5I/AAAAAAAAGsw/VR5L-dgVyOU/s1600/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9oq1MMOmPlo/VaeqLk9Dw5I/AAAAAAAAGsw/VR5L-dgVyOU/s400/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-19834006443873912342015-07-15T07:55:00.003-04:002015-07-24T06:56:28.232-04:00Donald Trump Hates Mexicans and Jews. Loves Nazis. Tweet, Tweet.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KAst7f06_44/VaZHzX-RNRI/AAAAAAAAGrk/xH9Zc3NlVQ8/s1600/Donald_Trump_Nazi_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Donald Trump tweet Nazi funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KAst7f06_44/VaZHzX-RNRI/AAAAAAAAGrk/xH9Zc3NlVQ8/s400/Donald_Trump_Nazi_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
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Donald Trump tweeted this image yesterday of himself and a bunch of Nazis. It's a campaign ad. Turns out The Donald hates Mexicans, and Jews.<br />
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Don't believe me? Look.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rTk6QTjRw0c/VaZJ5vWIQqI/AAAAAAAAGr8/01vBpnjYCnI/s1600/Donald_Trump_Nazis_funny_tweet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Donald Trump Nazi tweet funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rTk6QTjRw0c/VaZJ5vWIQqI/AAAAAAAAGr8/01vBpnjYCnI/s400/Donald_Trump_Nazis_funny_tweet.jpg" /></a></div>
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Donald Trump, who never takes responsibility for anything, blamed a "very young intern." A very young intern designed a campaign ad and didn't get approval from anyone on staff? He'll probably be Trump's Secretary of State.<br />
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The only thing Republicans love more than fear is hate so naturally Donald Trump's poll numbers went up. He's number 1!!!<br />
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I know how to improve Donald Trump's poll numbers even more.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p5AZpZsmEQ4/VaZJMBxOaAI/AAAAAAAAGr0/SH5oN-p8Evw/s1600/Donald_Trump_Hitler_Nazi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Donald Trump Nazi tweet Hitler Hates mexicans tweet" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-p5AZpZsmEQ4/VaZJMBxOaAI/AAAAAAAAGr0/SH5oN-p8Evw/s400/Donald_Trump_Hitler_Nazi.jpg" /></a></div>
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Less subtle, more votes.
Where do I apply for an internship?
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-83712302260493566292015-07-01T10:05:00.003-04:002015-07-24T06:59:06.785-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/1/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d7PE5waXgjc/VZLBR_0visI/AAAAAAAAGos/NDXySrp7iuM/s1600/daily_mail_funny_7115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="daily mail nipples funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d7PE5waXgjc/VZLBR_0visI/AAAAAAAAGos/NDXySrp7iuM/s400/daily_mail_funny_7115.jpg" /></a></div>
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When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
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You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W4ckD5i75wc/VZKi4TQ0opI/AAAAAAAAGoU/57QPFea-BwU/s1600/Kym_Marsh_butt.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kym Marsh best butt hot" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W4ckD5i75wc/VZKi4TQ0opI/AAAAAAAAGoU/57QPFea-BwU/s400/Kym_Marsh_butt.gif" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'All those extra gym sessions paid off': Coronation Street star Kym Marsh is thrilled to be crowned Rear Of The Year 2015</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Grandma: 'In my day, we got a fat ass by eating too much, we didn't need no implants or pretending to go to the gym.'<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UzNc9mFrI1I/VZKhKYe29FI/AAAAAAAAGoA/hxrvlbsLC_Y/s1600/Imogen_Thomas_nips_camel_nipples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Imogen Thomas hot nips oops camel toe cameltoe" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UzNc9mFrI1I/VZKhKYe29FI/AAAAAAAAGoA/hxrvlbsLC_Y/s400/Imogen_Thomas_nips_camel_nipples.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Pregnant Imogen Thomas draws attention to her growing baby bump </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> Imogen looks like a big, yellow beach ball with ample nipples and camel toe. I'd bounce.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BYM0W0fgwgs/VZLBYffVNnI/AAAAAAAAGo0/5I3zx7zl9bo/s1600/Imogen_Thomas_swimsuit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BYM0W0fgwgs/VZLBYffVNnI/AAAAAAAAGo0/5I3zx7zl9bo/s400/Imogen_Thomas_swimsuit.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vBP2g5IlY7Y/VZKh_hcscQI/AAAAAAAAGoI/z8T23sbCAxQ/s1600/Selena_Gomez_hot_nips_oops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Selena Gomez nips slip oops nipples" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vBP2g5IlY7Y/VZKh_hcscQI/AAAAAAAAGoI/z8T23sbCAxQ/s400/Selena_Gomez_hot_nips_oops.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Cowgirl in a cape! Selena Gomez shows off perfect pins in denim shorts</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Calling Selena a cowgirl because her big nipples are showing is mean.<br />
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Hey England, cowboys and cowgirls don't wear teeny cutoff shorts. If they did, they would get nasty sores on their inner thighs and nobody wants that. Cowboys and cowgirls wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats.<br />
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Only British cowboys wear tiny denim shorts and they look like this.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--_PZDxVuF_k/VZPVMBI6yEI/AAAAAAAAGpY/SkJur3m95yg/s1600/gay_British_cowboy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--_PZDxVuF_k/VZPVMBI6yEI/AAAAAAAAGpY/SkJur3m95yg/s400/gay_British_cowboy.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
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Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s1rZGuwrSuU/VZKddPrhIhI/AAAAAAAAGnU/mGjJt_XfkGM/s1600/throw_out_golfer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Somebody's gone and thrown out a perfectly good white boy" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s1rZGuwrSuU/VZKddPrhIhI/AAAAAAAAGnU/mGjJt_XfkGM/s400/throw_out_golfer.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Charity golfer gets head stuck in bin after 24-hour drunk tournament</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> If I saw an old guy dressed like that, I'd try to throw him out too. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲128</b></span><br />
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Someone's gone and thrown out a perfectly good white boy. The first caller to correctly identify the iconic 1980's movie that contained this quote will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt<span style="color: orange;"><b>*</b></span>. <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cl4OcmGJRYg/VZKe19HeqGI/AAAAAAAAGns/CKzkcHoEH3M/s1600/Lucy_Mecklenburgh_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Lucy Mecklenburgh hot" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Cl4OcmGJRYg/VZKe19HeqGI/AAAAAAAAGns/CKzkcHoEH3M/s400/Lucy_Mecklenburgh_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Fitness fanatic Lucy Mecklenburgh shows off her super-toned curves in skintight gym gear as she heads for a grueling workout</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> I don't know who this woman is but she always looks great walking to her car. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼1</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Tpv-Ovtk29E/VZKfqlGuxgI/AAAAAAAAGn0/pa1ZQRRaqIU/s1600/Natalie_Portman_nipples.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Natalie Portman hot nips slip oops nipples" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Tpv-Ovtk29E/VZKfqlGuxgI/AAAAAAAAGn0/pa1ZQRRaqIU/s400/Natalie_Portman_nipples.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Braless Natalie Portman looks summery in flirty floral mini skirt as she goes shopping</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> That kid must have always been hungry. I hope they feed him properly now. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼18</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1kmRGH2G3EY/VZKd7IybV2I/AAAAAAAAGnk/lypeT6WhQa8/s1600/animated_rainbow_flag.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Animated rainbow confederate flag" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1kmRGH2G3EY/VZKd7IybV2I/AAAAAAAAGnk/lypeT6WhQa8/s320/animated_rainbow_flag.gif" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>US flag makers stop making Confederate flags in the wake of Charleston shooting </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Flags? What about guns? The US has to stop making so many gun$. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼42</b></span><br />
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Flags don't kill people. People with guns kill people. Gun nuts are always good for red arrows.<br />
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: medium;">*</span></b> <span style="color: orange; font-size: xx-small;">Disclaimer: Friends, family and readers of this blog are not eligible for this contest.</span>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k5rktM0bmhc/VZLNC-w6JuI/AAAAAAAAGpE/ZLUIbW-xYkE/s1600/Daily_Mail_masthead_nipples.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Daily Mail mission statement" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k5rktM0bmhc/VZLNC-w6JuI/AAAAAAAAGpE/ZLUIbW-xYkE/s400/Daily_Mail_masthead_nipples.gif" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-80721321727843812682015-06-29T07:56:00.003-04:002015-06-29T07:57:45.391-04:00Love Wins!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IV_KHTPdpqE/VZEyq4YhvsI/AAAAAAAAGl8/oxuS0vPTasM/s1600/Love_Wins_Jesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IV_KHTPdpqE/VZEyq4YhvsI/AAAAAAAAGl8/oxuS0vPTasM/s320/Love_Wins_Jesus.jpg" /></a></div>
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Love wins! <br />
My Jesus is very happy. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-3841196905155622632015-06-26T11:19:00.002-04:002015-06-26T11:19:44.673-04:00Bristol Palin Teen Abstinence Queen Pregnant Again<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">Bristol Palin, The Paid Princess of Teen Abstinence, is pregnant again. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">Earlier this month, Bristol Palin tweeted: </span></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Id0vcgJlB0o/VY1dY5Sov0I/AAAAAAAAGlc/5eKvJ0OeBFU/s1600/funny_Bristol_Palin_tweets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Id0vcgJlB0o/VY1dY5Sov0I/AAAAAAAAGlc/5eKvJ0OeBFU/s400/funny_Bristol_Palin_tweets.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">How many guys in Alaska are jumping into their 4-wheel drive pickups and heading for Canada today? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">Here's a rerun from back in the day. </span></span><br />
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<h3>
DWTS - Bristol Palin, Modest or Sexy? October 2010</h3>
Bristol Palin, Paid Teen Abstinence Advocate, is a contestant on <b><i><span style="color: #cc33cc;">Dancing With the Stars</span></i></b> and is doing her darndest to stay modest. That's Bristol down there lying prone on the floor, awash in pink light, her hair artfully arranged by a team of grips and bestboys.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmRxCLqDI/AAAAAAAAB1g/gxcAeYDzgCU/s1600/sexy_bristol_palin_large.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527929154282694706" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmRxCLqDI/AAAAAAAAB1g/gxcAeYDzgCU/s400/sexy_bristol_palin_large.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 216px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
Let's go over the definition of modest, shall we? These Shaker Sisters are my idea of modest.<br />
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<div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcl3TlqAlI/AAAAAAAAB1Q/Lhm6NQz6iW4/s1600/bristol_palin_really_modest.jpg"><img alt="christine o'donnell, bristol palin and her sisters aren't lesbians, they're abstinent" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527928699701822034" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcl3TlqAlI/AAAAAAAAB1Q/Lhm6NQz6iW4/s400/bristol_palin_really_modest.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 224px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 324px;" /></a> Not only are these gals going to remain abstinent, so are any men that accidently gaze upon them. I'm even willing to bet big money that when these sisters get together to can pickles, not a one goes a missing. I think that's Christine O'Donnell all the way to the right.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmRxCLqDI/AAAAAAAAB1g/gxcAeYDzgCU/s1600/sexy_bristol_palin_large.jpg"><img alt="bristol palin sexy" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527929154282694706" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmRxCLqDI/AAAAAAAAB1g/gxcAeYDzgCU/s400/sexy_bristol_palin_large.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 216px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a> Bristol looks less modest by comparison.<br />
<br />
Now, if I was a total dick looking for a cheap laugh, I would slap some Candie's Foundation abstinence propaganda on that pink porno Bristol Palin photo and see how it looks. </div>
<br />
<div>
</div>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcppXZsBdI/AAAAAAAAB1o/Nra98yyrrf8/s1600/bristol_palin_teen_abstinence_advocate.jpg"><img alt="Bristol Palin, Official Teen Abstinence Advocate" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527932858253706706" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcppXZsBdI/AAAAAAAAB1o/Nra98yyrrf8/s400/bristol_palin_teen_abstinence_advocate.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 291px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
Never let it be said that I am unwilling to go for a cheap laugh or that I'm not a total dick.<br />
<div>
<br />
But Bristol's mom, Sarah would say that we're looking at her daughter with corrupt and evil, East Coast media ivy league bias not heartland, middle America righteous stuff. What do the good people of the prairie see when they look at this image?<br />
<br />
<div>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmGwjeQBI/AAAAAAAAB1Y/MGnvG4doPtM/s1600/bristol_palin_modest.jpg"><img alt="bristol palin modest or sexy" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527928965175328786" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcmGwjeQBI/AAAAAAAAB1Y/MGnvG4doPtM/s400/bristol_palin_modest.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 251px;" /></a><br />
Jesus Christ! Really? Damn, I am evil, I live on the East Coast and I get poison ivy all the time. I guess Bristol Palin is modest.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcl3E3VhmI/AAAAAAAAB1I/svMRcflrMGE/s1600/bristol_palin_after_look.jpg"><img alt="Bristol Palin sloppy seconds" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527928695749445218" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_913i6e5Kxmk/TLcl3E3VhmI/AAAAAAAAB1I/svMRcflrMGE/s400/bristol_palin_after_look.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 384px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 282px;" /></a>Wait, just one Iowa cornhusking minute! Even the most righteous Idaho Mormons have to admit that Bristol looks like she just dragged herself out of a damp bed after a good pounding. Her outfit and her after-sex hairdo is so sexy, it makes the dancer dude look straight. I don't think the good Sisters of New Lebanon would approve but my dick sure does.</div>
<br />
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Bristol Palin, modest or sexy?</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-77428738766649326742015-06-25T08:15:00.000-04:002015-07-24T07:07:27.893-04:00Throwback Thursday - My 6th Grade Spring Dance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N2cJMxMIXtA/VYmSs_e2gxI/AAAAAAAAGkQ/AB_ROZggICc/s1600/bob_melonosky_spring_dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bob Melonosky Throwback Thursday" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N2cJMxMIXtA/VYmSs_e2gxI/AAAAAAAAGkQ/AB_ROZggICc/s400/bob_melonosky_spring_dance.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
That's me with Donna Santoro, my date for the Annual 6th Grade Spring Dance at Forest Park Elementary School. How good do I look? You can't beat a shiny plaid suit with big, gold buttons. Her mom made me take off my glasses "so I would be handsome for the picture." I guess the suit didn't make up for the glasses.<br />
<br />
Mrs. Santoro, I was already a foot and a half shorter than your daughter without a single pubic hair on my underdeveloped body. Thanks for the confidence boost.<br />
<br />
Donna's older brothers, Tony and Frank, after seeing this photo, gave me
the nickname Slits. Slits is the kind of nickname that will stick with
a fella. I was Slits throughout junior high school which is not good.
In high school, they shortened it to Slit. Slit is an even worse
nickname. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YUzR-qlUPzg/VYrIkIfmoJI/AAAAAAAAGkk/KrhPtFUAWEg/s1600/Dix_Hills_Housewife_1975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="1970s Long Island housewife" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YUzR-qlUPzg/VYrIkIfmoJI/AAAAAAAAGkk/KrhPtFUAWEg/s400/Dix_Hills_Housewife_1975.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
That's Mrs. Santoro working in her husband's salvage business. To this day, big Long Island hair makes me big.<br />
<br />
Donna and I were not really boyfriend and girlfriend. You had to be a couple to go to the dance and all the nice, Italian boys were taken. I think Donna picked me because I looked more Italian than the other non-Italians.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LITx2YFzhUk/VYrJUY9CC1I/AAAAAAAAGks/GFlYHqR8mZ8/s1600/8_tracks_dix_hills.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="lame 8-track tapes" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LITx2YFzhUk/VYrJUY9CC1I/AAAAAAAAGks/GFlYHqR8mZ8/s400/8_tracks_dix_hills.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Turned out that after the dance we spent a couple of Friday nights in Donna's basement listening to 8-tracks on her dad's stereo. Donna and her dad were partial to The Carpenters, The Beach Boys and Chicago (the band not the city). Her favorite single? <b><i>American Pie</i></b> by Don McLean. You had to flip the 45 over in the middle of the song because the guy whined about Buddy Holly forever.<br />
<br />
I grew up on Long Island and had a dick so my favorite album of 1972 was <i><b>Led Zepplin IV</b></i> from 1971. Donna's dad didn't get the Led out.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjXRH9UZKWM/VYrKMQ1w-CI/AAAAAAAAGk4/I_vHD3h4Ak0/s1600/Jethro_Tull_album_korvettes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Jethro Tull Thick as a Brick Commack Korvettes" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OjXRH9UZKWM/VYrKMQ1w-CI/AAAAAAAAGk4/I_vHD3h4Ak0/s400/Jethro_Tull_album_korvettes.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Donna and I kissed a lot and held hands in that basement. Donna played the flute in the school band. She had serious lips. Outstanding kisser. No, she never played my skin flute, we're talking 1972. The French hadn't invented it yet.<br />
<br />
One night I brought over one of my favorite new albums, Jethro Tull's <i><b>Thick as a Brick</b></i> because the main guy in Tull played the flute. I decided to give the album to Donna. I thought this considerate, well-thought out gesture might allow me to proceed from the on-deck circle to the batter's box. <br />
<br />
Donna wore a gold crucifix that her dad bought her for her christening or her confession or her first communion or something. It was big, with an actual golden Jesus hanging on it. Little Golden Jesus was like 3/4 life size. He used to hang there on his cross standing guard over Donna's desirable breasts. It was creepy. When I slipped my tongue in a little too far or I "accidently" rubbed up against one of Donna's beautiful protuberances, Little Golden Jesus would frown at me. It was magic, Catholic, half-Jew-hating magic.<br />
<br />
I thought Jethro Tull would be my ticket to the paradise located below Little Golden Jesus' feet. <br />
<br />
Turned out Donna hated Jethro Tull. She hated the name. She hated the album cover -- and I found out she hated Monty Python after I used Monty Python to defend the album cover. Her hate continued. She hated heavy metal. She hated the way Ian Anderson played the flute.<br />
<br />
I looked down at Little Golden Jesus, the bugger had a huge Kool Aid smile from from ear to pious ear. <br />
<br />
That was my first inkling that breasts and vaginas weren't the only things that made girls different. On the upside, I got to keep the album.<br />
<br />
Two memories from the actual dance:<br />
<br />
It's really hard to dance to <b><i>American Pie</i></b> and not look like a tool.<br />
<br />
It's good to be a foot and half shorter than your date when you're slow dancing to <i><b>Colour My World</b></i> by Chicago.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Bob "Slit" Melonosky
<br />
<h2>
Throwback Throwback Thursdays </h2>
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-first-wife-sarah-silverman.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Wife, Sarah Silverman</a> </b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/03/old-skool-skateboarding.html">Throwback Thursday - Old Skool Skateboarding</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-first-date_25.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Date</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/09/recieving-major-award.html">Throwback Thursday - Receiving a Major Award</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/11/jv-tennis-bob-melonosky-super-jock.html">Throwback Thursday - JV Tennis Bob Melonosky Super Jock</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">Throwback Thursday - Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/old-photos-half-hollow-hills-high.html">Throwback Thursday - HHH High School East Computer Club</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-my-high-school-german-club.html">Throwback Thursday - My High School German Club</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-cousin-claudia-christmas.html">Throwback Thursday - A Cousin Claudia Christmas</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/old-photos-i-was-teenage-poet.html">Throwback Thursday - I Was a Teenage Poet</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/09/glory-days-i-wanna-be-football-hero.html">Throwback Thursday - I Wanna Be a Football Hero</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/12/throwback-thursday-my-yearbook-photos.html">Throwback Thursday - My Yearbook Photos</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-brief-career-as-catholic-justin.html">Throwback Thursday - My Brief Career as the Catholic Justin Beiber</a></b><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/04/throwback-thursday-bob-melonosky-teen.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Teen Rambo</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/05/throwback-thursday-on-bob-melonosky.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - On a Bob Melonosky Built for Two</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/06/throwback-thursday-my-first-real-job.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - My First Real Job</b></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-9174859483192298412015-06-23T09:16:00.000-04:002015-06-23T09:16:48.705-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 6/23/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AQiVhBjUv7Q/VYlZRjBiCJI/AAAAAAAAGj4/uqUrrTghbOI/s1600/daily_mail_funny_62315.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-AQiVhBjUv7Q/VYlZRjBiCJI/AAAAAAAAGj4/uqUrrTghbOI/s400/daily_mail_funny_62315.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bsC6S7HBEL4/VYQ6ymvhwcI/AAAAAAAAGh4/BMlSOTBzhb4/s1600/Khloe_kardashian_blonde.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian blonde" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bsC6S7HBEL4/VYQ6ymvhwcI/AAAAAAAAGh4/BMlSOTBzhb4/s400/Khloe_kardashian_blonde.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Khloe Kardashian sports a voluminous platinum blonde 80s-inspired perm</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Khloe looks just like the Kowardly Lion if the Kowardly Lion was fat and used up.<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4eg0PeheOes/VYQ65YMcqCI/AAAAAAAAGiA/ufp6N55V5lc/s1600/Kowardly_Khloe_Kardashian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Cowardly lion Khloe Kardashian funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4eg0PeheOes/VYQ65YMcqCI/AAAAAAAAGiA/ufp6N55V5lc/s400/Kowardly_Khloe_Kardashian.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
That's an old photo of the Cowardly Lion wearing a dress that's three sizes too small at Pure in Caesar's Palace back in 1938. Maybe OJ isn't Khloe's father. Maybe her father is Bert Lahr. I can't imagine Bert slumming it with Kris Jenner but he was known to have a drink or two.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wzSeI2t33zk/VYRAJS7ybnI/AAAAAAAAGiQ/X9exnyjR-vQ/s1600/Lindsey_Graham_wife_first_lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Lindsey Graham wife funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wzSeI2t33zk/VYRAJS7ybnI/AAAAAAAAGiQ/X9exnyjR-vQ/s400/Lindsey_Graham_wife_first_lady.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>White House hopeful Lindsey Graham explains why he never married in tell-all memoir: 'I haven't been lucky that way' </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> This guy is so deep in the closet, he's living in Narnia.<br />
<br />
That's presidential hopeful Lindsey Graham with a potential First Lady/Wife. I thought I wrote this Narnia line but after googling it, I probably overheard it at Rawhide when I lived in Chelsea. Props to op.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MJlKOQ6_gWc/VYRB7X-Gh8I/AAAAAAAAGic/uyHPOAB7Z3w/s1600/Kylie_selfie_underwear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kylie Jenner underwear" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MJlKOQ6_gWc/VYRB7X-Gh8I/AAAAAAAAGic/uyHPOAB7Z3w/s400/Kylie_selfie_underwear.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kylie Jenner models her 'boyfriend' Tyga's Crisp-brand boxer briefs</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Kylie's getting close. On her 18th birthday, she'll post a selfie with Tyga's johnson in her mouth and then she'll finally be as famous as big sister Kim. I'm sure her mom can't wait.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fDTPyQP7OcM/VYRC3aQadGI/AAAAAAAAGik/yqk-DE4Vrxo/s1600/Edwin_Williams_Walter_White_twins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fDTPyQP7OcM/VYRC3aQadGI/AAAAAAAAGik/yqk-DE4Vrxo/s400/Edwin_Williams_Walter_White_twins.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Boating Bad! Amazing dead ringer for Breaking Bad's Walter White was coxswain in charge of 1920s Rhyl lifeboat </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Given that Walter White was an orphan, that must be his grandfather. Journalism is not dead!<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-39HopraCSeI/VYg_ytSIUCI/AAAAAAAAGjA/JHMpO1Tpsxo/s1600/Tamara_Ecclestone_boobs_Breastfeeding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Tamara Ecclestone breast feeding oops" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-39HopraCSeI/VYg_ytSIUCI/AAAAAAAAGjA/JHMpO1Tpsxo/s400/Tamara_Ecclestone_boobs_Breastfeeding.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Tamara Ecclestone posts intimate picture of herself breast-feeding daughter Sophia in hotel swimming pool </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> I stayed at a hotel in the Bahamas with a swim up bar. This is way better. <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DlcT3mySYhM/VYlWOlXuOtI/AAAAAAAAGjU/_MX0cSQGV2Y/s1600/Bristol_Palin_porn_star.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bristol Palin porn star" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DlcT3mySYhM/VYlWOlXuOtI/AAAAAAAAGjU/_MX0cSQGV2Y/s400/Bristol_Palin_porn_star.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Bristol Palin SLAMS Miley Cyrus for being a hypocrite and anti-Christian in confused blog rant </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> There are a lot of churches in the US. Bristol Plain should find one that doesn't preach hate. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲27</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fPqU6CBLOVo/VYlWVzHDhjI/AAAAAAAAGjc/TdN5dAGuXec/s1600/Bristol_Palin_good_christian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bristol Palin Miley Cyrus good Christian" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fPqU6CBLOVo/VYlWVzHDhjI/AAAAAAAAGjc/TdN5dAGuXec/s400/Bristol_Palin_good_christian.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pSEvOEdTe6Y/VYlWZW6T7sI/AAAAAAAAGjk/AFZ0X8tUezw/s1600/Bristol_Palin_good_christian_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bristol Palin Miley Cyrus good Christian" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pSEvOEdTe6Y/VYlWZW6T7sI/AAAAAAAAGjk/AFZ0X8tUezw/s400/Bristol_Palin_good_christian_2.jpg" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ezrrGqTeCSs/VYlWkojsyuI/AAAAAAAAGjs/ywVJhUJl7Cc/s1600/Bristol_Palin_hot_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bristol Palin hot ass" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ezrrGqTeCSs/VYlWkojsyuI/AAAAAAAAGjs/ywVJhUJl7Cc/s400/Bristol_Palin_hot_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-81794467344717518092015-06-11T08:18:00.002-04:002015-06-23T09:26:45.945-04:00Throwback Thursday - My First Real Job<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nFK8D_tH408/VXgzWdRguoI/AAAAAAAAGf4/NqPrZLlcl8Q/s1600/bob_melonosky_first_real_job.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nFK8D_tH408/VXgzWdRguoI/AAAAAAAAGf4/NqPrZLlcl8Q/s400/bob_melonosky_first_real_job.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
That's me on the left at my first real job at Teapot RW, Inc. in Bethpage, Long Island.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-igMnjERdUHg/VXlyyDaJebI/AAAAAAAAGgc/IW2Fardl1Ck/s1600/ted.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-igMnjERdUHg/VXlyyDaJebI/AAAAAAAAGgc/IW2Fardl1Ck/s400/ted.jpg" /></a></div>
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That's Ted. He did what I did on the days I didn't go in, but with more zits.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yun6K6fa6MI/VXlzCEEyTYI/AAAAAAAAGgk/VdBODgKd-d0/s1600/leonid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yun6K6fa6MI/VXlzCEEyTYI/AAAAAAAAGgk/VdBODgKd-d0/s400/leonid.jpg" /></a></div>
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Leonid "No Tweezers" Goronovich, scariest looking electrical engineer ever.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LTg-hqAgb1A/VXlzcLJlc7I/AAAAAAAAGgs/0d4ZlqBFo-8/s1600/mr_redd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LTg-hqAgb1A/VXlzcLJlc7I/AAAAAAAAGgs/0d4ZlqBFo-8/s400/mr_redd.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
The boss, Lead Engineer Mr. Redd. Smoked three packs of Lucky Strikes a day. Smelt a bit but had a heart condition.<br />
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Next to Mr. Redd with his penis resting on the back of the young lady is Roger "The Dark Bishop" Hamantaschen.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Eq_wTCNzZM8/VXlz36qTwCI/AAAAAAAAGg8/rD9ZAeN--FM/s1600/the_dark_bishop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Eq_wTCNzZM8/VXlz36qTwCI/AAAAAAAAGg8/rD9ZAeN--FM/s400/the_dark_bishop.jpg" /></a></div>
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He was called The Dark Bishop because he played computer chess everyday at lunch with a nerd at the University of Manchester.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U0UvDfjcKMY/VXl1ADke8vI/AAAAAAAAGhE/C8iKosjqj-Y/s1600/Mrs_Ingrid_Matz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U0UvDfjcKMY/VXl1ADke8vI/AAAAAAAAGhE/C8iKosjqj-Y/s400/Mrs_Ingrid_Matz.jpg" /></a></div>
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The young lady is Mrs. Ingrid Matz. Her father was Swedish, her mother was a ballet dancer and her husband treated her like crap. Ingrid was the programmer. She could do things in FORTRAN that would curl your toes and make your nipples ache til Sunday. She was the first married lady I ever gerlandeprung. I gerlandersprung her four times! Only kidding, I gerlandersprung her <b>i = i+1 </b>times.<br />
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I was still just a senior at Half Hollow Hills High School East, but everyday after school, while my classmates were stealing buckets of pickles working the drive-thru at Wendy's then eating the pickles in the parking lot of Adventure's Inn, I was selling secrets to the Soviets.<br />
<br />
I worked in the Systems Group maintaining a Sperry Rand UNIVAC 9700 that was like a hundred times faster than an IBM 370 E Series. One day while pipelining the floating point after some unexpected subthreshold leakage I accidentally read a Top Secret printout detailing the CIA's program to spy on The Swedish Royal Ballet.<br />
<br />
I was outraged. What possible threat could The Swedish Royal Ballet pose to the United States? I immediately showed the printout to Ingrid because I thought it would enable me to get her out of her peasant dress and get me into her panties. It did. <br />
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Ingrid decided that we should sell information that was passing through our office to the Soviets so that we could save up enough money for her divorce and our subsequent honeymoon in Sochi, and teach the CIA that it shouldn't spy on the dancers of its closest allies.<br />
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It didn't take the CIA long to figure out that our office was the source of significant intelligence breaches. The FBI broke down our doors and arrested Leonid "No Tweezers" Goronovich and The Dark Bishop. I'm pretty sure the eyebrow was Leo's undoing and that terrible chess nickname came to haunt Roger Hamantaschen. Those guys are still serving consecutive life sentences in a federal prison.<br />
<br />
Ingrid and I stopped selling secrets. She took all the money and ran off with Mr. Redd. I graduated high school and went off to the State University of New York at Stony Brook, a little wiser and a little sore from all the gerlandersprunging. I flunked out two years later. Nobody cares what happened to Ted.<br />
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If you'd like to read more about this story, you can purchase my New York Times seller "Blinky and the Snowgirl" at Amazon. <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0IzwjPFlUag/VXl2XMxS8FI/AAAAAAAAGhM/kWoKOHPvD28/s1600/Blinky_and_the_Snowgirl_bob_melonosky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0IzwjPFlUag/VXl2XMxS8FI/AAAAAAAAGhM/kWoKOHPvD28/s400/Blinky_and_the_Snowgirl_bob_melonosky.jpg" /></a></div>
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Or rent the movie starring a young Randy Quaid as The Dark Bishop and sexy Britt Eklund as Ingrid. <br />
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<h2>
Throwback Throwback Thursdays </h2>
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-first-wife-sarah-silverman.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Wife, Sarah Silverman</a> </b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/03/old-skool-skateboarding.html">Throwback Thursday - Old Skool Skateboarding</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-first-date_25.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Date</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/09/recieving-major-award.html">Throwback Thursday - Receiving a Major Award</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/11/jv-tennis-bob-melonosky-super-jock.html">Throwback Thursday - JV Tennis Bob Melonosky Super Jock</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">Throwback Thursday - Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/old-photos-half-hollow-hills-high.html">Throwback Thursday - HHH High School East Computer Club</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-my-high-school-german-club.html">Throwback Thursday - My High School German Club</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-cousin-claudia-christmas.html">Throwback Thursday - A Cousin Claudia Christmas</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/old-photos-i-was-teenage-poet.html">Throwback Thursday - I Was a Teenage Poet</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/09/glory-days-i-wanna-be-football-hero.html">Throwback Thursday - I Wanna Be a Football Hero</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/12/throwback-thursday-my-yearbook-photos.html">Throwback Thursday - My Yearbook Photos</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-brief-career-as-catholic-justin.html">Throwback Thursday - My Brief Career as the Catholic Justin Beiber</a></b><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/04/throwback-thursday-bob-melonosky-teen.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Teen Rambo</b></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/05/throwback-thursday-on-bob-melonosky.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - On a Bob Melonosky Built for Two</b></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-65432238163813231052015-06-08T11:44:00.000-04:002015-06-12T11:56:20.350-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 6/8/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9iWm9snmRY/VXW27_b9bTI/AAAAAAAAGfc/axqjf9SwDfw/s1600/daily_mail_funny_6815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-o9iWm9snmRY/VXW27_b9bTI/AAAAAAAAGfc/axqjf9SwDfw/s400/daily_mail_funny_6815.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VGfqC72a0i8/VXGgMBrB4-I/AAAAAAAAGeQ/UiVu1pAvr-U/s1600/Robin_Thicke_girlfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Robin Thicke girlfriend April Geary hot funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VGfqC72a0i8/VXGgMBrB4-I/AAAAAAAAGeQ/UiVu1pAvr-U/s400/Robin_Thicke_girlfriend.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>It's not a competition! Robin Thicke, 38, and girlfriend April Love Geary, 20, wear matching plunging necklines on date night </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> His boobs are bigger than hers. Robin should work out a little or buy the kid a boob job.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4_5MKIng89I/VXGinZ0n3FI/AAAAAAAAGec/tRJ8hwJcprs/s1600/Duggars_Family_preach_hate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Duggar family pastor preaches hate" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4_5MKIng89I/VXGinZ0n3FI/AAAAAAAAGec/tRJ8hwJcprs/s400/Duggars_Family_preach_hate.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Duggar family pastor says Caitlyn Jenner no longer an American champion because of gender transition...but that God can forgive Josh's molester past</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> There are a lot of churches in America. These people should find one that doesn't preach hate.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
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Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEBf9jI0PGY/VXBx3KRe8qI/AAAAAAAAGdo/v8KMxneaoyo/s1600/Josh_Duggars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Josh Duggar pedophile" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QEBf9jI0PGY/VXBx3KRe8qI/AAAAAAAAGdo/v8KMxneaoyo/s400/Josh_Duggars.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'He said it only happened once': Jim Bob Duggar's state trooper friend claims the father-of-19 LIED about his eldest son Josh's molestation of girls</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Josh Duggar for President! He would be the perfect Republican candidate. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼12</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SH1rxzRDaP0/VXHAMQchd5I/AAAAAAAAGes/feSj9MQx7j8/s1600/Josh_Duggar_Republican_Presidential_Candidates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Josh Duggar poses with every Republican presidential candidate funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SH1rxzRDaP0/VXHAMQchd5I/AAAAAAAAGes/feSj9MQx7j8/s400/Josh_Duggar_Republican_Presidential_Candidates.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When Josh Duggar was Executive Director of the Family Research Council, a conservative Christian lobby group, every republican in the country was trying to get a photo op. He still hates gays, immigrants and poor people so he is a viable Republican candidate.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SeB2ksKNzxU/VXW1B9jOriI/AAAAAAAAGfQ/1FOtGG2WdVs/s1600/Caitlyn_Jenner_Kris_Jenner_wore_it_better.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Caitlyn Jenner Kris Jenner who wore it better funny Bruce" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SeB2ksKNzxU/VXW1B9jOriI/AAAAAAAAGfQ/1FOtGG2WdVs/s400/Caitlyn_Jenner_Kris_Jenner_wore_it_better.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'I was mistreated': Caitlyn Jenner on marriage to 'controlling' Kris Jenner... while matriarch brands her ex 'passive-aggressive'</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Wow, Bruce looks way better than ex-wife Kris. That must be why she's upset. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼12</b></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vJh7EO4lf14/VXB0XkI4maI/AAAAAAAAGd0/6HMXc8P2VFc/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_Kylie_Jenner_same_dress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim" better="" border="0" funny="" it="" jenner="" kardashian="" kylie="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vJh7EO4lf14/VXB0XkI4maI/AAAAAAAAGd0/6HMXc8P2VFc/s400/Kim_Kardashian_Kylie_Jenner_same_dress.jpg" who="" wore="" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Who wore it better? Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner wears similar body-hugging green dresses</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Kylie looks like an attractive young woman. Kim looks like a green hill in Ireland. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲71</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2betv-zVB-I/VXB1DISU0BI/AAAAAAAAGd8/gkVkk1ihT_I/s1600/Chris_Christie_still_fat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Chris Christie baseball fat funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2betv-zVB-I/VXB1DISU0BI/AAAAAAAAGd8/gkVkk1ihT_I/s400/Chris_Christie_still_fat.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Chris Christie flaunts his weight-loss AND wins MVP at Yankees NYPD charity game</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Chris Christie needs tighter pants. You still can't find his tiny bat and balls. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲137 </b></span><br />
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Give the Brits credit. A good laugh is more important than their rightwing nutjob political views. Definitely not true in America if my inbox is any indication.<br />
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I'm not sure Governor Christie should be "flaunting" that weight-loss. Can the surgeons cut anything else out of his abdomen so he loses another 200 pounds? Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-44869746091837441552015-05-27T13:05:00.000-04:002015-05-27T14:31:29.157-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/27/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-58W6SFy2viI/VWXuqz3p5XI/AAAAAAAAGc8/UkOkiPDtmAw/s1600/daily_mail_funny_52715.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Daily Mail Christine O'Donnell hot" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-58W6SFy2viI/VWXuqz3p5XI/AAAAAAAAGc8/UkOkiPDtmAw/s400/daily_mail_funny_52715.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HJVFGq5UKlA/VV8e8sId3TI/AAAAAAAAGbA/ob05RoTxny8/s1600/Lucy_Mecklenburgh_hot_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Lucy Mecklenburgh hot funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HJVFGq5UKlA/VV8e8sId3TI/AAAAAAAAGbA/ob05RoTxny8/s400/Lucy_Mecklenburgh_hot_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Lucy Mecklenburgh works effortless style in orange jumpsuit and black leather jacket at make-up launch</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Those paintings are amazing. Lucy is both beautiful and a very, talented artist.<br />
<br />
You know, because those easels are usually used for oil painting and the makeup looks like tubes of paint and this comment would have gotten mega red arrows as all of Britain got off feeling superior to me with their inexhaustible knowledge of all things Lucy. <br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_-yKh_iLX7Y/VV8gzZ68WuI/AAAAAAAAGbU/PXzI6vjhe0Q/s1600/Michelle_Keegan_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Michelle Keegan hot" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_-yKh_iLX7Y/VV8gzZ68WuI/AAAAAAAAGbU/PXzI6vjhe0Q/s400/Michelle_Keegan_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Bride-to-be Michelle Keegan nails off-duty chic as she attends her final dress fitting</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> "Michelle Keegan nails off-duty security guard" would be a better headline. Especially, if I was the off-duty security guard.<br />
<br />
You know, because "nails off-duty" is a funny choice of words and I would really like to nail Michelle Keegan. I am not a security guard but would be willing to wear the uniform for a tryst if Michelle agrees to wear her wedding gown. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IvPbmp4MG3o/VV9Bv1XROBI/AAAAAAAAGbk/2CUDnQK-OZk/s1600/Robin_Thicke_girlfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Robin Thicke hot girlfriend" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IvPbmp4MG3o/VV9Bv1XROBI/AAAAAAAAGbk/2CUDnQK-OZk/s400/Robin_Thicke_girlfriend.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Robin Thicke, 38, is overshadowed by glamorous young girlfriend April Love Geary, 20</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> I think it's nice that Robin brought his daughter as his date to an event at Cannes. Most guys would bring a two-bit floozy.<br />
<br />
You know, because Robin looks 48 but is 38 and April looks 20 but is 20. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aRPKb1SuWbI/VWXDB7oYwuI/AAAAAAAAGcI/wnvCgoKOuWc/s1600/Kylie_Minogue_butt_oops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kylie Minogue oops hot" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aRPKb1SuWbI/VWXDB7oYwuI/AAAAAAAAGcI/wnvCgoKOuWc/s400/Kylie_Minogue_butt_oops.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kylie Minogue offers a glimpse of her famous derrière as she steps out in a cute beige semi-sheer minidress</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> If Kylie sang with her derrière, her music might be more bare-able.<br />
<br />
You know, because Kylie looks a lot better than she sounds.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1_mRrEbsg1o/VWXEjI43BAI/AAAAAAAAGcU/4chN0CX4CCI/s1600/Pregnant_hand_masturbating.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="masturbating makes hand pregnant preacher" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1_mRrEbsg1o/VWXEjI43BAI/AAAAAAAAGcU/4chN0CX4CCI/s400/Pregnant_hand_masturbating.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT says Islamic preacher</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> If that guy was right, I'd have 800,000 kids. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲3</b></span><br />
<br />
<h2>
Ivanka Watch</h2>
Here's a photo of Ivanka Trump. I have now submitted some variation of this comment 127 times and it's been rejected 127 times. Besides, can Ivanka be more adorable? No she can not.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zIwKD652ClE/VWXU5QUE38I/AAAAAAAAGck/FRxOnDiE4us/s1600/Ivanka_Trump_oops_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ivanka Trump hot oops" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zIwKD652ClE/VWXU5QUE38I/AAAAAAAAGck/FRxOnDiE4us/s400/Ivanka_Trump_oops_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Ivanka Trump's sundress gets caught in a breeze as she shows off her impressive swing</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> That swing is generating a lot of torque, in my pants! Ivana hump Ivanka Trump.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Extra Bonus Stuff</h2>
And because I went to the trouble of photoshopping that cute, little dildo into Christine O'Donnell's cute little hand, here's the original image from Fox News.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r7nk2WPwdVA/VWXuksktRpI/AAAAAAAAGc0/Bo3LjLmFYHI/s1600/Christine_O_Donnell_masturbation_dildo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Christine O'Donnell hot masturbation fox news" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r7nk2WPwdVA/VWXuksktRpI/AAAAAAAAGc0/Bo3LjLmFYHI/s400/Christine_O_Donnell_masturbation_dildo.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Wow, it looks like Christine is making up for lost time. Spit on that bottle rocket and fire away.
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-23405336457120609672015-05-22T09:40:00.000-04:002015-10-16T07:25:59.860-04:00Throwback Thursday - On a Bob Melonosky Built for Two<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PtDgFJCL7f8/VV36lZAgEGI/AAAAAAAAGas/z73pwaxYV6k/s1600/Bob-Melonosky_bicycle_date.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bob Melonosky girlfriend likes farts" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PtDgFJCL7f8/VV36lZAgEGI/AAAAAAAAGas/z73pwaxYV6k/s400/Bob-Melonosky_bicycle_date.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Part 1 </b></span></span><br />
<br />
My best friend growing up was a guy named Dave DeGreco. He had long, greasy blonde hair that curled up at the bottom like Mary Tyler Moore, buck teeth, and so many beauty marks on his face that the tough kids called him "Dots." They used to hold him down in the playground and connect his beauty marks with a black marker hoping it would result in a circus elephant or a Mickey Mouse. It never did. When they let Dave up, he would cry and hide in the coat closet.<br />
<br />
Despite these shortcomings, and a boatload of others too numerous to mention, Dave ended up with a girlfriend in the 10th Grade.<br />
<br />
Her name was Laura. She was ugly and mean, had hairy arms like Lancelot Link Super Chimp and her dad drove a sky blue Lincoln Continental Mark IV. They were made for each other.<br />
<br />
Prior to his going out with Laura, me and Dave would spend every non-school hour together, playing basketball or wiffleball or watching TV. After Laura showed up, I had to renew my friendship with former friends that were even worse than Dave. Guys like Pete DeSilvio, Tony DePietro and Augie DiDimonico. Life sucked for me, but on Sundays, the pasta was good.<br />
<br />
Then one day, Dave asked if I wanted to go on a double date with Laura's friend Margarita Ruriani. Turned out Margarita liked me. Who knew? I was in 427 classes with her and she never said a word to me. Once in gym class, during the dreaded square dancing marking period, she tripped me on purpose while I was promenading with Cheryl Satriali. <br />
<br />
I had probably rubbed it out to Margarita over 200 times which put her in the same grouping as my math teacher Mrs. Rosner and Trish Nixon. I couldn't be happier to go on a date.<br />
<br />
The girls decided that we would rent bicycles built for two and ride around Hecksher Park before having a picnic and then going to a concert at the band shell. Pretty damn ambitious for a first date but what choice did I have?<br />
<br />
The morning of the big event my grandpa made over-easy eggs with a pile of corned beef hash from a can that was so big, Richard Dreyfus could have used it to build Pike's Peak. I ate it all. Then he beat me at Stratego a couple of times even though I moved my bombs. The old guy was a Stratego savant even though he hated the French.<br />
<br />
Bicycles built for two were lame but Dave and I had a plan. Get the girls to ride in front so we could look at their butts. Margarita was wearing a plaid skirt that had the potential to ride up on her. It was my lucky day.<br />
<br />
Hairy armed Laura gladly sat up front. Margarita wanted to be in back because she was afraid to steer. Now she was going to get to look at my butt. Fuck luck.<br />
<br />
As I mounted the bike my stomach began to percolate. The lethal combination of intestinal tract microbes, corned beef, chocolate milkshake and cold Pillsbury broccoli and cheddar quiche (I had sneaked out of the fridge) were starting to ferment in my lower bowels. Copious amounts of nitrogen, methane and hydrogen sulfide were demanding to be released. Like Gandalf the Grey, I brought all my magical powers to bear on the elassitude of my rectum, "Thou shall not pass gas!"<br />
<br />
My determination lasted 20 seconds. The warm, supple bicycle seat kind of tickled my balloon knot and I had to let one go. Years of practice in classrooms and the backseats of cars allowed me to deliver the bomb slowly. I lifted up a cheek and opened the smallest aperture I could muster, resulting in a silent but steady release of pressure that lasted all the way to the duck pond.<br />
<br />
Margarita didn't seem to notice. I relaxed a bit and carefully repeated the process. This time my results were mixed as I released a series of staccato sighs as if my anus were blowing kisses to my attractive co-cyclist. I was now officially and solidly freaked out and in my distracted state proceeded to slice off a hunk of cheese that could have adorned the head of Andre the Giant. The sound so frightened the paddling of ducks that they left their bread and rose as one, and didn't stop flying until they got to Sunken Meadow State Park and the safety of the Long Island Sound. <br />
<br />
Should I apologize or pretend that the obvious didn't happen? I was fairly inexperienced in the nuances of the dating game so I just peddled on through the heavy stench of rotting cheddar and corned beef.<br />
<br />
When it was time to dismount, I took a chance and looked at Margarita. Our eyes met. The disgust I was expecting was absent. No smile graced her lips but there was something locked in her eyes. A longing. Maybe, a longing to be as far from me as a frightened duck.<br />
<br />
Later, while sitting under the stars, on a blanket, with Margarita in my arms, listening to the Huntington Philharmonic butcher Beethoven, through whispers and kisses I learned of the joys of <b><a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Eproctophilia">eproctophilia</a></b>.<br />
<br />
And thus began the greatest three months of 10th Grade a guy ever had.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>End of Part 1</b></span></span><br />
<br />
Remember the immortal words of James Joyce:<br />
<br />
<b><i>"It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out
of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick
hers out in a roomful of farting women." </i></b><br />
<br />
<br />
Additional Reading: <b><a href="http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/vpatterson/2011/11/great-farts-in-literature/">Great Farts in Literature</a></b>. <br />
<h2>
Throwback Throwback Thursdays </h2>
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-first-wife-sarah-silverman.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Wife, Sarah Silverman</a> </b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/03/old-skool-skateboarding.html">Throwback Thursday - Old Skool Skateboarding</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-first-date_25.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Date</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/09/recieving-major-award.html">Throwback Thursday - Receiving a Major Award</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/11/jv-tennis-bob-melonosky-super-jock.html">Throwback Thursday - JV Tennis Bob Melonosky Super Jock</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">Throwback Thursday - Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/old-photos-half-hollow-hills-high.html">Throwback Thursday - HHH High School East Computer Club</a></b>
<br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-my-high-school-german-club.html">Throwback Thursday - My High School German Club</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-cousin-claudia-christmas.html">Throwback Thursday - A Cousin Claudia Christmas</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/old-photos-i-was-teenage-poet.html">Throwback Thursday - I Was a Teenage Poet</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/09/glory-days-i-wanna-be-football-hero.html">Throwback Thursday - I Wanna Be a Football Hero</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/12/throwback-thursday-my-yearbook-photos.html">Throwback Thursday - My Yearbook Photos</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-brief-career-as-catholic-justin.html">Throwback Thursday - My Brief Career as the Catholic Justin Beiber</a></b><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2015/04/throwback-thursday-bob-melonosky-teen.html"><b>Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Teen Rambo</b></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-11760254027436709442015-05-20T11:20:00.000-04:002015-05-20T12:29:40.339-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/20/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GYxx18QYpqc/VVyhhF7E2hI/AAAAAAAAGZ4/Qw2PbmVY360/s1600/daily_mail_funny_52015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kourtney Kardashian naked nude pregnant funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GYxx18QYpqc/VVyhhF7E2hI/AAAAAAAAGZ4/Qw2PbmVY360/s400/daily_mail_funny_52015.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8QiMWLPB4Ns/VVx6Q8RODaI/AAAAAAAAGZo/YaYDi-pxS0s/s1600/DEATH_BY_ATOMIC_WEDGIE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="atomic wedgie murder" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8QiMWLPB4Ns/VVx6Q8RODaI/AAAAAAAAGZo/YaYDi-pxS0s/s400/DEATH_BY_ATOMIC_WEDGIE.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Man, 33, pleads guilty after 'killing his stepfather with an atomic wedgie</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> This is truly a public service announcement. I will never again perform an atomic wedgie. However, conventional wedgies will still be in my arsenal. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9z9Y_o3IV10/VVoT5LhOdtI/AAAAAAAAGZM/fqdjYoZROnA/s1600/John_Travolta_wig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="John Travolta wig bald funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9z9Y_o3IV10/VVoT5LhOdtI/AAAAAAAAGZM/fqdjYoZROnA/s400/John_Travolta_wig.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'You're The Wig That I Want!': John Travolta sports layered mullet</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> When the Scientologist aliens finally arrive on earth, they're going to take the wig and leave the cannoli.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-chAk2Bk5AyU/VVoVWx_lF8I/AAAAAAAAGZU/eqIuECaCAig/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_working_out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian working out fat" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-chAk2Bk5AyU/VVoVWx_lF8I/AAAAAAAAGZU/eqIuECaCAig/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_working_out.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Khloe Kardashian hits the gym early so she can have breakfast catch up with sister</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> "Hits the gym" must be Armenian for "free buffet."<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b> </b></span>
<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UdKfDsI5H4o/VVnVJ9Sy-iI/AAAAAAAAGYw/TlM00XlQ2Ho/s1600/Kourtney_Kardashian_bob_big_soft.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kourtney Kardashian breast lift big soft hot" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UdKfDsI5H4o/VVnVJ9Sy-iI/AAAAAAAAGYw/TlM00XlQ2Ho/s400/Kourtney_Kardashian_bob_big_soft.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'Thanks for the lift!': Kourtney Kardashian shares snap where partner Scott Disick is pushing up her breast as she sunbathes</b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>My Comment: </b> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I'd lift those up where they belong</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Where eagles fly </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
On a mountain high</div>
<span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼2</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ahmf1UbrQB0/VVnWLueRibI/AAAAAAAAGY8/yz0mVB0IT1w/s1600/Katherine_Jenkins_hot_pregnant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Katherine Jenkins hot pregnant" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ahmf1UbrQB0/VVnWLueRibI/AAAAAAAAGY8/yz0mVB0IT1w/s400/Katherine_Jenkins_hot_pregnant.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Pregnant Katherine Jenkins dresses her burgeoning baby bump in a midnight blue number ensemble</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> When you can't see the bump, it can't be burgeoning. Need an alliteration? Katherine dresses her itsy-bitsy baby bump... <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲155</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xzeZQkzpflA/VVnUUcW-chI/AAAAAAAAGYo/gFXIoF-Io6A/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_nude_fat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian naked fat" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xzeZQkzpflA/VVnUUcW-chI/AAAAAAAAGYo/gFXIoF-Io6A/s400/Kim_Kardashian_nude_fat.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kim embraces her 'insecurities' with a nude photo shoot in the desert</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Kim looks like I-40, a four lane highway through the Mojave Desert. You can park two 18-wheelers on that butt with room to spare. <span style="color: red;"><b>Rating ▼1</b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>The Daily Mail</i> Mission Statement:</b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rVRCffYFd4c/VVyiJVkh2RI/AAAAAAAAGaA/KDurDCXWVaQ/s1600/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Daily Mail masthead" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rVRCffYFd4c/VVyiJVkh2RI/AAAAAAAAGaA/KDurDCXWVaQ/s400/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Extra Special Gift: </b><br />
<br />
Because I care, and because hundreds of pussy-faced pudpullers (that's "pus - e faced" - having a face full of pus not a face full of pussy. Believe me, no readers of this site have ever had their face anywhere near an actual pussy), will visit this site after typing some combination of:<br />
<br />
<h2>
Kourtney </h2>
<h2>
Kardashian</h2>
<h2>
Breast </h2>
<h2>
Naked</h2>
<h2>
Nude</h2>
<h2>
Pregnant.</h2>
Here's Kourtney Kardashian naked, and pregnant, with nude breasts, and an eagle, actual size:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7uuwgDeWHU4/VVylE9Jtu3I/AAAAAAAAGaM/hleNJOCbkgM/s1600/Kourtney_Kardashian_nude_naked_pregnant_breast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kourtney Kardashian nude naked pregnant breast" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7uuwgDeWHU4/VVylE9Jtu3I/AAAAAAAAGaM/hleNJOCbkgM/s400/Kourtney_Kardashian_nude_naked_pregnant_breast.jpg" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-45841802962185493372015-05-08T12:59:00.001-04:002015-05-11T12:08:20.351-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/8/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GFqPXaKJa5Q/VUzZFTNNBSI/AAAAAAAAGX8/E80uUJNIdY4/s1600/daily_mail_funny_5815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GFqPXaKJa5Q/VUzZFTNNBSI/AAAAAAAAGX8/E80uUJNIdY4/s400/daily_mail_funny_5815.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5wHtbmzetkQ/VUyri51Kh-I/AAAAAAAAGXA/lBu1rfAfvrE/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_writes_book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian book signing funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5wHtbmzetkQ/VUyri51Kh-I/AAAAAAAAGXA/lBu1rfAfvrE/s400/Kim_Kardashian_writes_book.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kim Kardashian wears daring black dress with high slit and plunging neckline to LA book signing for <i>Selfish</i></b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Book signing? Can Kim spell Kardashian? Kan Kim spell Kim?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F60JJOAT5iA/VUysgctIylI/AAAAAAAAGXI/zPGDoRrNmfs/s1600/Carroll_Spinney_big_bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F60JJOAT5iA/VUysgctIylI/AAAAAAAAGXI/zPGDoRrNmfs/s400/Carroll_Spinney_big_bird.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Carroll Spinney narrowly avoided dying in 1986 Challenger shuttle disaster - because his 'Big Bird' suit WOULDN'T FIT inside the spacecraft</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> When I was a kid, I always thought Carroll Spinney was a woman. I guess he's just a man trapped in a bird's body.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hnS_6etGCeI/VUyuh7U13_I/AAAAAAAAGXU/C80mB87hh5s/s1600/Kim_Kardashian_fat_ass_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kim Kardashian butt fat" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hnS_6etGCeI/VUyuh7U13_I/AAAAAAAAGXU/C80mB87hh5s/s400/Kim_Kardashian_fat_ass_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Kim Kardashian squeezes in another work out ahead of the Met Gala in New York </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Does that label say, "Warning! Object in spandex is larger than it appears with photoshop." I'm going to be nauseous all day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rZ_PL74ESBQ/VUzPPNMUQBI/AAAAAAAAGXk/u7Bi-F389X4/s1600/Kim_Kendall_Khloe_naked_butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe kardashian butt implants cellulite removal funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rZ_PL74ESBQ/VUzPPNMUQBI/AAAAAAAAGXk/u7Bi-F389X4/s400/Kim_Kendall_Khloe_naked_butt.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Khloe Kardashian gets cellulite lasered off her derriere as sisters Kim and Kendall watch while eating snacks</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Looks like Kim and Kendall are eating Khloe's butt trimmings on crackers. Yummy! Butt sadly, high in cholesterol.<br />
<br />
Has Khloe's rectum hypnotized Kim and Kendall? There might be a shiny object in it.<br />
<br />
However, now we finally know what Rodin's <i><b>The Thinker</b></i> was thinking about.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L85v7l0iXvI/VUzPyNZEiFI/AAAAAAAAGXs/n4NjW9Nehos/s1600/rodin_thinker_khloe_butt_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="What does Rodin's The The Thinker think about? Khloe Kardashian fat ass" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-L85v7l0iXvI/VUzPyNZEiFI/AAAAAAAAGXs/n4NjW9Nehos/s400/rodin_thinker_khloe_butt_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
Khloe's butt.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span>
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<br />
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors, but not this week. I may have been banned. :(<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F0ZvdDenCyE/VUzZ-gJHb6I/AAAAAAAAGYE/RPcWWEbvZQU/s1600/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The Daily Mail logo funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-F0ZvdDenCyE/VUzZ-gJHb6I/AAAAAAAAGYE/RPcWWEbvZQU/s400/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" /></a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-75686075827834266942015-05-01T10:48:00.000-04:002015-05-11T12:13:49.519-04:00My Dick Reviews Game of Thrones: High Sparrow<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today's guest blogger is a frequent
contributor of insightful posts and unsightly stains, my dick.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
When in Westeros and points east, can you ever visit too many brothels? No. Throw in a naked queen under 40 and you've got a pretty solid episode. Let's get to it. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Margaery Tyrell</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E-b5Kalu620/VUJ4MqqZT1I/AAAAAAAAGUs/F1JY2p0CXFc/s1600/margaery_tyrell_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Margaery Tyrell in bed naked hot" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E-b5Kalu620/VUJ4MqqZT1I/AAAAAAAAGUs/F1JY2p0CXFc/s400/margaery_tyrell_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
What boy/teen/man/king/maester/black guard/sand snake wouldn't want to switch places with The Kitty Kat King. Actually, the king stuff Tommen can red keep. Every king in this kingdom ends up dead before the season's over. I just want to set a Guinness World Record in bed, with <span class="st">Margaery Tyrell, I don't care how conniving and clever she is. I'd have my mother boxed up and sent off to Casterly Rock before the sheets dry. And <b>my</b> mother's nice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Cersi Lannister </b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AQilEoPR68g/VUNjL01WxGI/AAAAAAAAGVU/JIym_caLElQ/s1600/Cersi_high_sparrow_stinky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Cersi Lannister stinky funny High Sparrow" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AQilEoPR68g/VUNjL01WxGI/AAAAAAAAGVU/JIym_caLElQ/s400/Cersi_high_sparrow_stinky.jpg" /></a></div>
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Cersi Lannister is one of those rare women that is so repulsive on the inside, that no manner of outside can overcome the deficit. I'm not talking stuck on a deserted island repulsive. I'm talking a personality so foul that even a quickie next to the corpse of her close relative is out of the question.<br />
<br />
When Cersi glares at the camera, my mighty sword goes from Valyrian steel to one of Bran's legs faster than a Tyrion quip.<br />
<br />
Stop me, please. I'm on a roll.<br />
<br />
What I'm saying I guess is," I wouldn't fuck Cersi Lannister with Brienne of Tarth's dick" <span style="color: orange;">(apologies and respect to Jeffrey Ross and Bea Arthur)</span>.<br />
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<b>Quick PC Note:</b> Like only two years ago that would have been funny without a cringe. Now, with various gay bashing and feminist bashing and fat shaming, it's still funny but a little cringey. What if I write:<br />
<br />
I wouldn't fuck Cersi Lannister with Theon Greyjoy's dick. You know, the one in the box. It probably reeks by now. Better? Good, we'll go with it.<br />
<br />
I've never fucked a dowager and I'm not gonna start with Cersi. I'd give prune face from Downton Abbey a go first.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Littlefinger's Christmas Spectacular</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nQlh0FNpbz0/VUNtaNuOfJI/AAAAAAAAGVw/-0V-2xynWqw/s1600/Littlefingers_Christmas_Brothel_Spectacular.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Littlefinger's Christmas Brothel Spectacular naked seven" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nQlh0FNpbz0/VUNtaNuOfJI/AAAAAAAAGVw/-0V-2xynWqw/s400/Littlefingers_Christmas_Brothel_Spectacular.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
We get to see a "Living Manger" of prostitutes representing the Seven Gods of Westeros.<br />
<br />
Why didn't I become a hedge fund manager?<br />
<br />
Now, I know what happens in a high end Wall Street brothel. "I'll have the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, Balthazar and a couple of those sheep." Then, after I drop my derivatives time bomb all over their assets, the rockettes come out and dance in celebration, of me.<br />
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You know how your mama always told you not to talk to strangers? <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Khp4knFbLp8/VUJ4xgyW4rI/AAAAAAAAGU8/vIdTGy3mCNU/s1600/the_Stranger_Game_of_Thrones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Littlefinger Brothel The Stranger prostitute naked" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Khp4knFbLp8/VUJ4xgyW4rI/AAAAAAAAGU8/vIdTGy3mCNU/s400/the_Stranger_Game_of_Thrones.jpg" /></a></div>
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That's why you never listen to your mama.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H40Czy1Fdjo/VUJ4q_5bKTI/AAAAAAAAGU0/72utP8ZNLpw/s1600/The_Seven_Game_of_Thrones.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Littlefinger brothel the seven prostitutes funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H40Czy1Fdjo/VUJ4q_5bKTI/AAAAAAAAGU0/72utP8ZNLpw/s400/The_Seven_Game_of_Thrones.jpg" /></a></div>
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So who would I choose if I was a high Septon or hedge fund manager? The Father and The Warrior are not my cup of mead, not that there's anything wrong with a warrior now and again. The Smith is looking good, The Maiden is a no-brainer and I can't tell the difference between The Mother and The Crone so I'll take both. I prefer a face on my trollop for pay so I'll pass on The Stranger. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sansa</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lhS18XEE-H8/VUNmefGyLCI/AAAAAAAAGVg/RvriRCqBVtg/s1600/goth_Sansa_funny_cell_phone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Goth Sansa funny cell phone" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lhS18XEE-H8/VUNmefGyLCI/AAAAAAAAGVg/RvriRCqBVtg/s400/goth_Sansa_funny_cell_phone.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Finally, some good news on <i><b>Game Of Thrones</b></i>. Sansa gets to marry Ramsay Snow. Truly, a match made in heaven or <span class="st" data-hveid="35">The Eyrie</span>, which is close enough. I hate Sansa. She's an ignorant, sniveling, wimp. If you look closely, she's bigger than Littlefinger. I know she can take him in an arm wrestle. She could have easily killed him about a 1000 different ways since he "saved" her from Joffrey.<br />
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And I'm not digging her goth look. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Volantis Brothel and Some Musing on Dany</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RpPqIOidq5o/VUNtf2dmL6I/AAAAAAAAGV4/nnfOB2QaWEU/s1600/Daenerys_butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Dany Daenerys butt naked" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RpPqIOidq5o/VUNtf2dmL6I/AAAAAAAAGV4/nnfOB2QaWEU/s400/Daenerys_butt.jpg" /></a></div>
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When at a brothel in Volantis does one pay the extra coinage for the Dany lookalike or does one pay standard fare for an inviting diversion that looks like a meatier version of Shae.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4CO9GaI0sts/VUNtpg9Rr7I/AAAAAAAAGWA/SlJXJRXYI4g/s1600/Daenerys_cosplay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="dany cosplayer" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4CO9GaI0sts/VUNtpg9Rr7I/AAAAAAAAGWA/SlJXJRXYI4g/s400/Daenerys_cosplay.jpg" /></a></div>
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Personally, I'm going with Shae-lite. Like Tyrion, I prefer my hookers cynical and grounded and brunette.<br />
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Also, I'm fairly convinced that I have a shot at the real Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the
Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the
First Men, <i>Khaleesi</i> of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, future wife of Bob and Mother of Dragons.<br />
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Her first husband was an okay provider but a little rough around the edges. And in bed? I moved on from horsey position in high school.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ief3RRiiuB4/VUOO9iNDnqI/AAAAAAAAGWc/4FWynO-9qzM/s1600/Daario_Naharis_funny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Daario Naharis funny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ief3RRiiuB4/VUOO9iNDnqI/AAAAAAAAGWc/4FWynO-9qzM/s400/Daario_Naharis_funny.jpg" /></a></div>
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Her current guy is underwhelming in every way. He looks like a country singer in the lounge of a Ramada Inn, in Altoona, Pennsylvania, on a Wednesday night. He belongs with the cosplayer at the Volantis brothel.<br />
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Little naked chicks on the pommels of your swords? That's not only classless and clueless, it's middle school classless and clueless. Give me five minutes and Dany's making moon eyes at me. I just need to worm my way into her inner circle.<br />
<br />
And advice? Killing a guy for killing a guy before he has a fair trial, before he has a fair trial? Public Relations 101. Not a good idea. Put everyone in a courtroom for a couple of months with a bunch of lawyers droning on, and on, and on, about due process and those freed slaves will be calling for the guy's head just to put everybody out of their misery.<br />
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I'd be good for Dany in bed and in the throne room.<br />
<br />
So, on the standard Dany Eating a Horse Heart scale where 1 is me taking selfies with a Dany cosplayer at the DemiCon in Des Moines, Iowa and 5 is
me spending her hiatus in the Caribbean with Emilia Clarke and a blonde wig, I give <b><i>Game of Thrones: High Sparrow</i></b> three and half Danys Eating a Horse Heart.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7JNzvkT7Jro/VUOLOmxJCYI/AAAAAAAAGWQ/pMUQuVZ3yJI/s1600/Dany_eating_horse_heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Dany" border="0" daenerys="" eating="" funny="" heart="" horse="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7JNzvkT7Jro/VUOLOmxJCYI/AAAAAAAAGWQ/pMUQuVZ3yJI/s400/Dany_eating_horse_heart.jpg" /></a></div>
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Other articles by my dick:<br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/my-dick-reviews-american-hustle.html"><span style="color: orange;">My Dick Reviews American Hustle</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-dick-reviews-hobbit-part-2.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">My Dick Reviews The Hobbit 2</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-dick-reviews-netflixs-house-of-cards.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">My Dick Reviews House of Cards</span></a><br />
<span style="color: orange;"><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-dick-reviews-orange-is-new-black.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">My Dick Reviews Orange is the New Black</span></a> </span><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-dick-reviews-hobbit.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: orange;">My Dick Reviews the Hobbit</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-dick-discusses-debt.html"><span style="color: #f2984c;">My Dick Discusses The Debt</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2010/02/my-dick-discusses-winter-olympics.html"><span style="color: #f2984c;">My Dick Discusses the Winter Olympics</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-dick-discusses-avatar-3d-nexus-of.html"><span style="color: #f2984c;">My
Dick Discusses Avatar 3D</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2009/12/blind-side-surprising-hit-no-surprise.html"><span style="color: #f2984c;">My
Dick Explains Why the Blind Side is So Popular</span></a><br />
<a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-thoughts-on-patrick-swayzes-passing.html"><span style="color: #e69138;">My Dick's Thoughts on Patrick Swayze's Passing</span></a>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-40302002871476999512015-04-29T12:36:00.002-04:002015-06-23T09:41:44.161-04:00Nicki Minaj - That's the 2nd Greatest Bar Mitzvah Photo I've Ever Seen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gxqlzKNtmqA/VUD4XMdPGXI/AAAAAAAAGS8/Ws7mfdGV6Fc/s1600/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nicki Minaj Bar Mitzvah photo hot funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gxqlzKNtmqA/VUD4XMdPGXI/AAAAAAAAGS8/Ws7mfdGV6Fc/s400/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_photo.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Wow. Nicki Minaj and eight lucky 13-year old boys posing at a Bar Mitzvah. Props to Rembert Browne at <a href="http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/going-way-too-deep-down-the-rabbit-hole-with-nicki-minajs-recent-bar-mitzvah-appearance/">Grantland</a> for a funny, insightful analysis. I don't agree with his conclusion on this hand.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9CUrgfLjErc/VUD4-RqwVtI/AAAAAAAAGTE/VJZrkvY5l9E/s1600/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_butt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nicki Minaj Bar Mitzvah butt photo hot funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9CUrgfLjErc/VUD4-RqwVtI/AAAAAAAAGTE/VJZrkvY5l9E/s400/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_butt.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
But that's a discussion for another day. What was missing from the analysis were the two biggest mysteries.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mVKgNkKBLts/VUD5gOd9eiI/AAAAAAAAGTU/JiJVsYWWjNM/s1600/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_boobs_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nicki Minaj Bar Mitzvah boobs hot funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mVKgNkKBLts/VUD5gOd9eiI/AAAAAAAAGTU/JiJVsYWWjNM/s400/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_boobs_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span id="goog_1874618983"></span><span id="goog_1874618984"></span><br />
When Nicki Minaj shows up at your Bar Mitzvah, the girl shows up at your Bar Mitzvah! Nicki was dressed to impress. She was like, "Hi boys, today you are men!" I hope the hedge fund manager dad paid the extra $100,000 for the ice cream sundae bar and the Nicki Minaj Motorboat option. <br />
<br />
But the biggest mystery of this photo is not the largeness of the breasts but that everyone of those horny, 13-year old piles of hormones are looking directly at the camera.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M1L8Ry2FBd4/VUD6RpyjG1I/AAAAAAAAGTc/SPatF8dgEKQ/s1600/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nicki Minaj Bar Mitzvah photo hot funny" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M1L8Ry2FBd4/VUD6RpyjG1I/AAAAAAAAGTc/SPatF8dgEKQ/s400/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
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Not a sidewise glance. Not a future Senator or Vice President in this group. What could the photographer be holding in his hand that directed their attention away from Nicki? You know, like a rattle for a baby. <br />
<br />
I got nothing. Neither did anyone at work. This bit failed to fire. A classic <b><i>coitus interruptus</i></b>.<br />
<br />
Is there anything in the universe more interesting to a 13-year old boy than Nicki Minaj three feet away in a sexy, tight dress? Having a good photo to post on snapchat? Shit... Kids today.<br />
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The 1st greatest Bar Mitzvah photo I've ever seen? Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah photo.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h25mSufNhnk/VUEEiiqnqtI/AAAAAAAAGT0/k8pUIdEga4E/s1600/bruce_klein_funny_bar_miztvah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="funny Bar Mitzvah photo" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h25mSufNhnk/VUEEiiqnqtI/AAAAAAAAGT0/k8pUIdEga4E/s400/bruce_klein_funny_bar_miztvah.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I was there and wrote about it <a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">here</a>.
And because I remember what it's like to be in middle school, I'm gonna guess the nicknames of these young men.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UStufU8aNjg/VUEFmk7194I/AAAAAAAAGT8/pq3m9yKqD-g/s1600/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_hot_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nicki Minaj Bar Mitzvah photofunny" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UStufU8aNjg/VUEFmk7194I/AAAAAAAAGT8/pq3m9yKqD-g/s400/Nicki_Minaj_Bar_Mitzvah_hot_2.jpg" /></a></div>
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My nickname when I was 13 was <i><b>The Radical</b></i>. It was given to me by Steve <b>"<i>Pretzel Legs</i>"</b> DeGreco and had something to do with Tony the Tiger, Frosted Flakes and nutritional guidelines. Donna Brisanti gave Steve his nickname in gym class when she saw him in shorts for the first time. A great day to be Steve's friend, not such a great day to be Steve.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-84991915141659246622015-04-17T11:09:00.002-04:002015-05-11T12:18:49.339-04:00This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 4/17/15<span style="font-size: x-small;">Another Post Courtesy of the <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> - <span style="color: #ff6600;">I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see
each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of
crap for my blog. </span></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IWZ16dJaBLY/VTD4amKrgjI/AAAAAAAAGSg/DzQGKI5bJLY/s1600/daily_mail_funny_41715.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IWZ16dJaBLY/VTD4amKrgjI/AAAAAAAAGSg/DzQGKI5bJLY/s400/daily_mail_funny_41715.jpg" /></a></div>
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When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the<b><i> The Daily Mail</i></b>. Now there's another reason to visit <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.<br />
<br />
You'd think it would be easy. <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b> is just like the <b><i>New York Post</i></b> except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.<br />
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<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Rejected Comments of the Past Week</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d1j7hMT4GDQ/VS5dPbiwWKI/AAAAAAAAGQ4/mCSivS8VS3o/s1600/kid_with_expensive_camera.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d1j7hMT4GDQ/VS5dPbiwWKI/AAAAAAAAGQ4/mCSivS8VS3o/s400/kid_with_expensive_camera.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Only the best for North West! Kim Kardashian's 22-month-old daughter totes £600 camera</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b>If that kid knows how to use that camera then she is already smarter than her mother. But if North wants to stay famous in America, she'll have to sleep with a rapper while Grandma Kris videotapes it. Her dad doesn't count.<br />
<br />
Easy. Easy. I just meant that a lot of 2-year old girls sleep in bed with mom and dad after they wake up in the middle of the night and find an entire film crew in their room shooting pickups -- and they realize that their entire life will be totally fucked up unless they run away to Uncle Rob and live in a cave in the woods.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mzoj6BPi2kw/VS5f4-H1dII/AAAAAAAAGRE/pV5HTsAZmA4/s1600/Victoria%2B_Beckham_wax_museum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Victoria" beckham="" border="0" figure="" funny="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mzoj6BPi2kw/VS5f4-H1dII/AAAAAAAAGRE/pV5HTsAZmA4/s400/Victoria%2B_Beckham_wax_museum.jpg" wax="" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>'Hanging with Posh': Victoria Beckham gets nostalgic as she cuddles up to her Spice Girl wax persona </b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b>Wow, which is the real Victoria? Oh wait, never mind, the wax one is actually lifelike and shows a hint of emotion. <br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn1FN9fmn4w/VS55RIosPRI/AAAAAAAAGRU/NPjEKL9YdPc/s1600/Kousins_Kardashian.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kardashian Armenian cousins hot" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn1FN9fmn4w/VS55RIosPRI/AAAAAAAAGRU/NPjEKL9YdPc/s400/Kousins_Kardashian.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Meet Kourtni and Kara Kardashian! Kim introduces her Armenian cousins</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Sign those Kousins up! A dozen implants, $100,000 of plastic surgery and hours and hours of photoshop and they will fit right in. Khloe might be out of a job.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hAHfEGaru3c/VS_YS8o7JmI/AAAAAAAAGRo/-_3eeqA9pW0/s1600/Monica%2B_Bellucci_nip_slip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Monica Bellucci nip slip see through" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hAHfEGaru3c/VS_YS8o7JmI/AAAAAAAAGRo/-_3eeqA9pW0/s400/Monica%2B_Bellucci_nip_slip.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Glamorous Monica Bellucci, 50, shows she's the ultimate Bond Girl as she goes braless in a sheer blouse for lunch</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Nothing wets my appetite like two delicious Italian appetizers prominently displayed. Mangiare bene, Monica!<br />
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Mangia quello che piace a te, vesti come piace agli altri!<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WAXjAHXlvwQ/VS_bWTwLHgI/AAAAAAAAGR8/wi82A0WX_tg/s1600/Elmo_arrested_Times_Square.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Elmo arrested Times Square" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WAXjAHXlvwQ/VS_bWTwLHgI/AAAAAAAAGR8/wi82A0WX_tg/s400/Elmo_arrested_Times_Square.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Cookie Monster arrested in Times Square for allegedly grabbing teen's breasts - but he says it's a case of mistaken identity</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment: </b> Cookie Monster going after melons instead of cookies? Where's Rudolph Giuliani when we need him? Probably dressed up as Elmo.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jDnxyXYxWKY/VS_YyC-km2I/AAAAAAAAGRw/66ptiEvdZGc/s1600/sex_offender_elmo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Sex offender Elmo" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jDnxyXYxWKY/VS_YyC-km2I/AAAAAAAAGRw/66ptiEvdZGc/s400/sex_offender_elmo.gif" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uDoIY9KU6QA/VS_d0K5UhAI/AAAAAAAAGSI/OHGlzrECiFg/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_Armenia_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uDoIY9KU6QA/VS_d0K5UhAI/AAAAAAAAGSI/OHGlzrECiFg/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_Armenia_hot.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Khloe Kardashian has a spring in her step as she hits the gym in LA one day after arriving home from Armenia</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Glad to see that Khloe escaped from Armenia. I was afraid she would be mistaken for a mule and you know how they love their mules.<br />
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You think you'd be able to tell the difference between Khloe Kardashian and a mule? Go ahead, try.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rAgfE49Wu20/VS_eHgmBfQI/AAAAAAAAGSQ/yScl49krinU/s1600/Khloe_Kardashian_mule_funny_Armenia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Khloe Kardashian ugly mule funny Armenia" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rAgfE49Wu20/VS_eHgmBfQI/AAAAAAAAGSQ/yScl49krinU/s400/Khloe_Kardashian_mule_funny_Armenia.jpg" /></a></div>
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Damn, did the sunglasses give it away? Mules sometimes wear sunglasses, don't they? I think they do, especially when they're on their way to the gym and their eyes are puffy and red and full of sebaceous secretions because they've been up all night doing drugs and having copious amounts of unprotected sex.<br />
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Mules wear sunglasses, I'm sure.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Accepted Comments</b></span>
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Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible. <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WczUGGpOmAQ/VS5Z1kpfSNI/AAAAAAAAGQs/oLWS_GZkZtg/s1600/Amanda_Holden_nipples_insurance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Amanda Holdn nipple insurance breasts funny" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WczUGGpOmAQ/VS5Z1kpfSNI/AAAAAAAAGQs/oLWS_GZkZtg/s400/Amanda_Holden_nipples_insurance.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b>Just call her Amanda Hold-em! BGT judge grabs her breasts as she laughs off insurance claims... before dancing while wearing nipple tassels</b></span><br />
<b>My Comment:</b> Never before has so much been made of so little. <span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Rating ▲65</b></span><br />
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Always remember the iconic motto of <b><i>The Daily Mail</i></b>:
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQgPEU3h6Z0/VTD4r7YR5VI/AAAAAAAAGSo/jthu5wIPsQA/s1600/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQgPEU3h6Z0/VTD4r7YR5VI/AAAAAAAAGSo/jthu5wIPsQA/s400/Daily_Mail_masthead_kardashians.gif" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-57872691671583652892015-04-16T11:35:00.001-04:002015-04-16T11:35:04.926-04:00Throwback Thursday - Bob Melonosky, Teen Rambo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HARMJbCkWcQ/VSvBkK6M3iI/AAAAAAAAGP8/vfYY8npwRns/s1600/Bob_Melonosky_Army_ROTC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bob Melonosky Teen Rambo" border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HARMJbCkWcQ/VSvBkK6M3iI/AAAAAAAAGP8/vfYY8npwRns/s400/Bob_Melonosky_Army_ROTC.jpg" /></a></div>
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There I am, the tallest member of the Half Hollow Hills East JROTC Pershing Riflettes. I wouldn't be the leader I am today if not for my pseudo-military service. lol That's funny because as a leader, I'm not.<span style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>*</b></span></span><br />
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As a pseudo-military battalion we were distinguished by our nearsightedness and lack of physical prowess. During one memorable School Spirit Day, we got beat in dodge ball by the Drama Club and lost to the Robotics Club in a tug-o-war. What could we do well? We tied a mean tie, better than most teens in the 70's. You want a Windsor knot? That's a job for the Riflettes!<br />
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The finest physical specimen in our ranks was Major Angela "Legs" Legittino. She's sitting on the left in the front row. We called her Legs because Legittino was longer.<br />
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Angela used to like tying me up with her <span class="st">aiguilettes, then tickling me with her long nails until the twin solid propellants in my Pershing Missile went ballistic, firing my entire teen payload into orbit. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">(I'm required by law to include at least one euphemism in every one of these Throwback bits)</span></span></span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xVytJrqJ3fs/VS0RZrLbOzI/AAAAAAAAGQQ/rle8AJO3R4E/s1600/aiguilettes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xVytJrqJ3fs/VS0RZrLbOzI/AAAAAAAAGQQ/rle8AJO3R4E/s400/aiguilettes.jpg" /></a></div>
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Infographic provided to you homeslices because I care.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: orange;">*Nor was I a follower. I was a free radical without a nose. Got out of the military just in time. </span></span><br />
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<h2>
Throwback Throwback Thursdays </h2>
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-first-wife-sarah-silverman.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Wife, Sarah Silverman</a> </b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/03/old-skool-skateboarding.html">Throwback Thursday - Old Skool Skateboarding</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-first-date_25.html">Throwback Thursday - My First Date</a></b>
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<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/09/recieving-major-award.html">Throwback Thursday - Receiving a Major Award</a></b>
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<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2012/11/jv-tennis-bob-melonosky-super-jock.html">Throwback Thursday - JV Tennis Bob Melonosky Super Jock</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/07/old-photos-bruce-kleins-bar-mitzvah.html">Throwback Thursday - Bruce Klein's Bar Mitzvah</a></b>
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<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/old-photos-half-hollow-hills-high.html">Throwback Thursday - HHH High School East Computer Club</a></b>
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<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-my-high-school-german-club.html">Throwback Thursday - My High School German Club</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/01/old-photos-cousin-claudia-christmas.html">Throwback Thursday - A Cousin Claudia Christmas</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/02/old-photos-i-was-teenage-poet.html">Throwback Thursday - I Was a Teenage Poet</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/09/glory-days-i-wanna-be-football-hero.html">Throwback Thursday - I Wanna Be a Football Hero</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2014/12/throwback-thursday-my-yearbook-photos.html">Throwback Thursday - My Yearbook Photos</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/11/my-brief-career-as-catholic-justin.html">Throwback Thursday - My Brief Career as the Catholic Justin Beiber</a></b> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3685249301369452535.post-8074477645567540082015-04-10T11:25:00.004-04:002015-04-15T13:25:57.140-04:00The Saddest Pea Ever or The Daily Grind Just Got RougherThis morning when I dragged myself off my chair, down the hall and into the men's room I had a rude awakening.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fhVddY3ueQk/VSe9vCecrAI/AAAAAAAAGPY/eoxqQbHTXQU/s1600/saddest_urinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="The saddest urinal ever" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fhVddY3ueQk/VSe9vCecrAI/AAAAAAAAGPY/eoxqQbHTXQU/s400/saddest_urinal.jpg" /></a></div>
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What the fuck is that blue thing in my urinal?
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Where's Pinky Pisscadero?<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3Ru0_gIsuaw/VSfWcTmrVvI/AAAAAAAAGPo/-XPS812nn7k/s1600/my_favorite_urinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Pinky Pisscadero" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3Ru0_gIsuaw/VSfWcTmrVvI/AAAAAAAAGPo/-XPS812nn7k/s400/my_favorite_urinal.jpg" /></a></div>
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You remember the pinkies, my favorite type of urinal cake. I obsessed over them back in the spring of 1993.<br />
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<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-invent-new-game-at-work_10.html">I Invent a New Game at Work</a></b> - <span style="font-size: x-small;">wherein I describe a new game I invented involving urinal cakes.</span><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-invent-new-game-at-work-day-2.html">I Invent a New Game at Work Day 2</a></b> - <span style="font-size: x-small;">wherein I describe the incredibly drab interior design at work and pretend to pee on my boss.</span><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-invent-new-game-at-work-day-3.html">I Invent a New Game at Work Day 3</a></b> - <span style="font-size: x-small;">wherein I reveal that I'm actually pretending to pee on despicable hedge fund manager Michael Weinberg and bitch endlessly about my boss.</span><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-invent-new-game-at-work-day-3.html">I Invent a New Game at Work Day 4</a> </b>- <span style="font-size: x-small;">wherein I go on an on about pink urinal cakes.</span><br />
<b><a href="http://poundthebudweiser.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-invent-new-game-at-work-day-5-game.html">I Invent a New Game at Work Day 5 Game Over!</a></b> - <span style="font-size: x-small;">wherein I describe my efforts to bring the game to the masses by starting a league for young urban professionals. </span><br />
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This new blue piece of plastic just lies there and gets wet much like a young Kim Kardashian in that video I've never seen.<br />
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When I complained to the building guy, he was like "It's a urinal screen. It's the latest industrial design to keep a urinal free flowing and odor free." He went on to say that the unique web design and channeled texture prevents splash back and that the bubblegum scent is guaranteed to last 30 days.<br />
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I didn't smell any bubblegum the last time I pissed. I'm not sure how close you have to get to smell any odor other than the earthy scent of man urine.<br />
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The pink urinal cakes used to smell strongly of cheap soap and hard candy -- just like my grandma. <br />
<div id="stcpDiv" style="left: -1988px; position: absolute; top: -1999px;">
Unique web design prevents splash back.</div>
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So now I'm expected to spend 45 seconds doing nothing but peeing when I pee. No stimulation whatsoever unless I rub one out.<br />
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Before my next visit to the men's room, I'm going to go outside, hang with the smokers and sneak a cigarette butt. Then I'm going to throw it in the urinal and have an old fashioned cigarette hosing party. <br />
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>Disclaimer: </b></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z4-XUy_8h00/VSe8tWIEO0I/AAAAAAAAGPQ/m2amvQ5vlPQ/s1600/I_love_my_boss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="I love my boss funny" border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Z4-XUy_8h00/VSe8tWIEO0I/AAAAAAAAGPQ/m2amvQ5vlPQ/s400/I_love_my_boss.jpg" /></a></div>
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For the record, that's a picture of my coffee mug, and I do love my boss <span style="color: orange;">(wink)</span>.
So, while it is true that I hate my job with a passion worthy of Mel
Gibson, and it is true that my job is mind-numbingly boring, unfathomably
useless and demeaning in ways that only a piss bucket boy from the
1700's would understand, it does pay the bills and I love my boss <span style="color: orange;">(wink)</span>.<br />
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My
boss and everyone else in charge work very hard -- to make the rest of
us feel small, insignificant, and miserable. But as my dad used to
say, "Work is work. If it didn't suck worse than Karl Rove with a mouth
full of broken glass, it wouldn't be work."<br />
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You saw the <span style="color: orange;">wink</span>, right?
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14870265871547100192noreply@blogger.com0