This whole horse meat scandal is stupid. I think about horse meat like I think about anal sex. If you can't tell the difference, what's the big deal?
Apparently some of the big food companies agree with me. Instead of hiding their horses, they've decided to ride them to the winner's circle and even bigger profits. Blackened Black Beauty in Cajun Cream Sauce is nutritious and delicious.
I've already tried the Hungry Man Salisbury Seabiscuit and Gravy and it's mouth watering. A pound of horse is just what you need when you're heading around the final turn, you can see the finish line but your energy is begining to lag.
The good folks at Lean Cuisine have started a new line of meals called Lean Equine. Horse meat is 38% leaner than cow and just as tasty. Celebrity horse Mr. Ed will bring his unbridled enthusiasm to the endorsement of these frozen delicacies.
Children are a growing segment of the consumer population. Good growth requires good nutrition which means plenty of horse, and the best way to get your little ones to chow down on horse is to buy them a My Little Pony Meal. Just look into Rainbow Dash's beautiful blue eyes as you eat her cousin, generously seasoned with Mrs. Dash.
Finally, even a major fast food chain (that will remain nameless because their lawyers sent me a cease and desist order the last time I dared to make fun of them) have added horse to their menu. The Filet-O-Flicka is not just for Lent. Enjoy the meaty goodness of horse all year round!
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