Glory Days - Books I Writed Part XIII

More books from the box in my mom's attic.

The Dork That Could Fly, 1997.  A sequel to the highly regarded 20th Century Fox film of 1986, The Boy That Could Fly. High School guidance counselor Harvey Peckerman learns the secret of flight by waterboarding that "autistic" troublemaker. Harvey chooses to use his flying ability for good including partying with a Marylin Monroe drag queen and banging the cute, curly-haired girl from the movie who is now over eighteen and legal in all 50 states.

Made Fun of her 10th Grade Art Project, 2003. Myrna was the girl of my dreams. She was gorgeous, smart, a great little cook and a whore in bed. What a dame! Everything was perfect until I made fun of the bust of Julius Caesar she made back in public school.

Too Much Mascara, 1989. When this horrible war was over, I was gonna take her back with me to Kansas, get hitched, and make us a family -- just like my daddy did and his daddy before him. But Sgt. Flint was never gonna let that happen. He didn't think the problem was Mabelline. He thought Sue Lee was a Jap, a dirty Jap spy. One of us was going back to the States in a box.

Glory Days - Books I Writed Part XII

More books from the box in my mom's attic.

Junk Yard Whores: No Blondes Allowed, 2000 -- Cute and perky Annika Svenson moves to town to fulfill a lifelong dream.  The other girls are mean because they are jealous of Annika's blonde hair. Hilarity and soliciting ensue.

Even Baby Jesus Can't Untangle the Christmas Lights, 1994 -- The Callahan family asks Baby Jesus to untangle their Christmas lights. Baby Jesus tries His best but even with His considerable super powers He just can not do it. Baby Jesus gets frustrated, has a feeding and then falls asleep in the arms of Mrs. Callahan. God bless us all, everyone.

Nancy the Nympho in The Butcher, The Baker and the Candlestick Maker Wear Out a Rubber, 1992 -- A novel with a title so long, the printer left off the last word due to budget constraints.  This was the forty-seventh Nancy the Nympho Classic Adventure I penned and it's one of my favorites. I got to use the term buoyancy chamber which sounds cool.

Glory Days - Books I Writed XI

More books from the box in my mom's attic.

Saved By A Shark, 2000 -- After she is tossed overboard by her two-timing, millionaire boyfriend, Cindy is saved by a Great White Shark.  The shark carries Cindy in his mouth all the way home to Kennebunkport. Then he eats the boyfriend.  Cindy sets her orphaned shark free to roam the world's oceans with a kiss on the nose. Roger Ebert wrote in the Chicago Sun-Times, "I haven't cried this much since I had to sit through Born Free."

Hugh Hefner: Outer-Space Marine, 1995 -- A misguided attempt to get a novel serialized within the pages of Playboy and get myself venerealized within the walls of the Playboy Mansion.

White Men Can't Jump, 1991 -- Sgt. Gary "The Pure" Gallafan's only desire is to remain chaste for his fiancé, 43-year old virgin Christine O'Donnell. The horny denizens of the Island of Lipstick Amazons only desire is to perform sexual favours for Gary, over and over again. Will Sgt. Gary be able to jump the three foot fence standing between almost certain pleasure and his freedom?  Here's a hint. He's white.

Glory Days - Books I Writed - Part 3

More books from the box.

Hightops Hijinks, 1985. The very first example of Chuck Taylor Sci Fi. They worked in the car wash by day; at night, they used their supersoakers to keep Terra safe from all those who would do her harm.

The Girl with the Memorable Birthmark, 1992. I really should sue. Socially awkward and misunderstood skinny chick fucks up the man. I was gonna set it in Sweden but got lazy and went with LA.

Which End Goes in First?, 1986. Seriously, my work in feminist Sci Fi is the stuff of legend.