Hint Number 1: About 70% of NFL players are African-Americans.
Hint Number 2: The quarterback makes the most money.
Hint Number 3: The quarterback is the star, often called "the face of the franchise."
That's all you need to know. Study the faces and give it your best guess. Every pair of faces has the quarterback and a player on his team that is closest in size (that is not a kicker*).
Buffalo Bills
Did you guess the clean-cut, white boy on the left? You are correct! Good start.
Cleveland Browns
Yeah, I know, he looks like he's fifteen but that is the quarterback.
Oakland Raiders
How are you doing? Three for three? I told you it was easy. Sure he looks like a psychotic pedophile but he looks like a white, psychotic pedophile. The next one is tricky. Take your time.
San Francisco 49ers
Did you guess the guy on the right? Good for you. I tried to trick you but you were too smart for me.
St. Louis Rams
Wow, might as well have stamped QUARTERBACK on this guy's forehead.
Tampa Bay Bucs
Uh oh, you are perfect so far and yes, they are both off-white. Have you noticed that I am showing a tendency to go to my left? Then you got it right.
A Burger King face if ever there was one.
Arizona Cardinals
Getting bored? Did I mention that there are 32 teams in the NFL?
Oh no! If you are not an actual football fan, you may have gotten this one wrong. The quarterback, Donovan McNab, is on the right. Wake up, America.
I know what you are thinking, but I did not make a mistake. One of these guys is the quarterback. Don't worry, keep going, it gets easier again, I promise.Carolina Panthers
Feeling better?
Kansas City Chiefs
Ten years and 63 million dollars will put a smile on your face, even in Kansas City.
Seattle Seahawks
Okay, I admit it, it is getting monotonous but hey, that's the point of the bit.
Detroit Lions
If you get this one wrong, you are colorblind -- which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Miami Dolphins
Chicago Bears
Philadelphia Eagles
Tennesee Titans
Okay, that was eight meatballs in a row. Do you need other clues? Quarterbacks are considered the "smartest," and they get to put their hands on the asses of their teammates. Neither of these hints help with this pair. Both of these guys look equally intelligent and equally gay.
Baltimore Ravens
I'll see you down at the bottom of the post. I'm confident you'll nail the next thirteen.
Cincinnati Bengals
Houston Texans
Atlanta Falcons
New York Giants
Green Bay Packers
Dallas Cowboys
San Diego Chargers
Minnesota Vikings
Pittsburgh Steelers
New Orleans Saints
Indianapolis Colts
New England Patriots
Thirty-two teams, twenty-eight starting white quarterbacks. That's 88%!!! In a league that is 70% African-American. This is no accident. Pale skin must make an athlete better at playing quarterback.
Pale skin also makes an athlete better at kicking.
Placekicker - 100% white
Punter - 97% white
Broken down by position 2008
The teams are sorted by something called a Quarterback Power Ranking from a newspaper called the Dallas Star. That's also where I got the quarterback names -- with the exception of Donovan McNab and the new guy in Philadelphia and I assumed Brett Favre would come out of retirement.
