I Attend My First Teabagging Party

I found this bit on an old flash drive. I wrote it back before I had a blog or when my blog was strictly baseball. I'm sure it has since been done better by the Daily Show but given it requires almost no effort by me, I'll submit it for your enjoyment.

Last night I attended my first Teabagging party and I have to admit that it was a lot of fun. I've been teabagged many times before and I've even done some teabagging myself. Here's a photo of me teabagging the Wall Street Bull statue after a three martini lunch.

The idea of a Teabagging party was pretty damn exciting. I shivered with anticipation as I rode the elevator up to a conference room in the New York Hilton.

How did I find out about the party? I was walking down Seventh Avenue minding my own business when I noticed a ruckus. I thought there was a demonstration going on but it turned out that these guys were party recruiters. This nice guy told me he was proud to be a teabagger and a Veteran of Foreign Wars, and that he loved Jesus.

Fundamental Christians usually don't inflate my dinghy but this nice lady was willing to do it for Jesus instead of the $50 it normally costs over on Lexington and 39th Street.

This kid convinced me to blow off my plans and go to the party.

No, he's not my type. He's more Pope Benedict's type. But he did tell me that Elisabeth Hasselbeck was going to be one of the celebrity teabaggers. I'm as liberal a dem as there is and these guys were aiming to please. Elisabeth Hasselbeck can provide the milk for my teabag anytime!!!

In the unlikely event that you are unfamiliar with the slang of today's youth, here's a screen capture of Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Kristi Yamaguchi demonstrating proper teabagging form during the Republican National Convention's Teabagging on Ice extravaganza. Teabagging is very difficult while fully clothed, on ice. Leave this fancy stuff to the professionals.

When I got to the conference room I was a little worried. There seemed to be way more tea "bags" than there were tea "cups." Not a great recipe for a kick-ass teabagging party in my opinion. On a positive note, most of the teabaggers were old enough to be collecting social security. There's nothing like an old, saggy, leaking tea bag to leave a bitter taste in your mouth -- just ask Larry King's sister-in-law. I figured I'd be able to hookup with more than my share.

First, there was a whole lot of talking and a lot of chanting involving Obama, socialism and other boring stuff. Newt Gringrich went on forever. The thought that I might be squatting next to a naked Newt was not helping the turgidity of my dinghy.

But then Elisabeth took the podium. Here she is showing off her significant teabagger skills. I think that's Elisabeth's mom in the pink straitjacket. I know she looks all uptight and grumpy but it turned out that mom was a bit of a go-er if you know what I mean. Nudge, nudge, say no more.


I'm not one to teabag and tell but...

Elisabeth gave me this free t-shirt!


And Pinky gave me this free t-shirt!

It's good to be a liberal democrat!!!