This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 12/12/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Jurassic? No, I'm still young at heart! Jeff Goldblum, 62, looks like a giddy teen while kissing new wife, 31, at LA party
My Comment:  When Jeff was his wife's age, she was an egg.


Here's an artist's conception of Jeff Goldblum's first date in 1983.  It wasn't easy finding a human ovum that wasn't covered in sperm.

Nigella Lawson makes a VERY saucy return to The Taste thanks to her low-cut dress
My Comment: I give Nigella a 10 for presentation and her portion size is extremely generous. When do I get to taste her delectable offerings?

Is snail slime the secret to keeping your skin youthful? Product harvested from creatures is key ingredient in new anti-ageing range
My Comment:  I have the chin of a newborn baby and I try to keep it slathered in snail slime as much as possible.  Louise would you like to volunteer?


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Bang Bang... into her face! Ariana Grande gets smacked by an Angel wing as she sings in Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
My Comment:  Every time Ariana Grande acts like a diva, an angel gets to swat her with a wing.  That girl has feathers in every nook and cranny.  Rating ▲1

UFO experts claim to have spotted rock resembling President Barack Obama's head
My Comment:  Martians are worshiping Barack Obama like a god but in the US, the Republicans think he's Satan. Stupid Republicans are dumb.  Rating ▼1

Darren Wilson changed elements of his story in aftermath of shooting Michael Brown
My Comment:  Sometimes when you tell a lot of lies it's hard to keep them straight. It's usually easier just to tell the truth.  Rating ▲24

In the words of H. L. Mencken, "sarcasm doesn't get got by the masses."