George W. Bush Books I Writed -- Part 3

You still don't believe I wrote twenty-seven books about George W. Bush for the Alabama National Air Guard True Life Adventure Series?  Here's Part 3.  If you missed Part 1 and Part 2, you didn't miss much.

Lt. George W. Bush in Why Are My Mother's Panties in Your Closet?, 1994 --  Bush learns the truth about who wears the trousers in his family.

Lt. George W. Bush in The Thin White Lines, 2000 -- A hilarious behind the scenes look into Bush's gridiron exploits at Yale.  Just kidding, it's about all the cocaine Bush snorted.

Lt. George W. Bush in Nancy Liked It When I Called Her Mommy, 1990 -- She was a bag of bones with gray pubes hanging past her knees, but her husband Ronald was important, so Karl said he had to do it.  So he did, three times!

Lt. George W. Bush in Spring into Action, 2005 -- Bush gets into a little hot water with a mattress salesman when he gets caught in a display window banging a local.   Turns out she's the underage daughter of the guy who finds the comfort level a little too firm.  That's why Daddy Bush has lawyers and a very large bank account.

Lt. George W. Bush in How to Pick Up Chicks, 2005 -- You know, after they've passed out at a Frat kegger.  When old Yalies talk about the good old days, they make sure that no conscious women are in the room.

Lt. George W. Bush in She Gave Me Crabs, 1999 -- A wonderful day at the shore ruined by an invasion of crustaceans.

 

Lt. George W. Bush in How I Met Your Mother, 1997 -- The kid wanted to know so Bush paid me to write a book about it.  Hot stuff.

Lt. George W. Bush in Too Many Mexicans, 1993 -- Bush never thought that there could be too many Mexicans but all those senoritas can tire a gringo out.

Lt. George W. Bush in Texas Loving, 2000 -- The old red mare, she ain't what she used to be.  Especially when Bush was done putting her through her paces.  That filly dared to spit the bit.  She won't make that mistake again.

Lt. George W. Bush in Chicks With Guns Saved His Life, 2005 -- Bush gropes the wife of a local bank teller at a Piggly Wiggly.   The young man beats him up in the cereal aisle under the Rice Krispies. Two hot chicks recognize Bush and save him from a good thrashing in exchange for $500.

Lt. George W. Bush in No Dead Hooker This Week, 1999 --  Bush tried to hire hookers that were dumber than him but it wasn't easy to find them.  On the bright side, one less legal fee this week.

Lt. George W. Bush in Beating Kelsey Grammer in Strip Poker, 2008 -- Of course, Kelsey let him win.  Don't tell Bush.

Lt. George W. Bush in The Rat Offensive, 1991 --  Whenever, wherever, two or more veterans of the 247th find themselves bending elbows, the Rat Offensive will be remembered.  They might recall that Bush was on leave in Crawford.  They might be wrong.  This is Bush's version of the story.

Lt. George W. Bush in Damn the Torpedos!, 2000 -- You didn't have to be a Navy man to like the look of those torpedoes.

Lt. George W. Bush in I Joined a Scary Biker Gang, 2006 -- The Hellcats were feared from Mobile to Biloxi.  Bush could never ditch his power tie so he was never really accepted by the other gals.

Lt. George W. Bush in She Had Junk In Her Trunk, 2000 -- You couldn't ride this kind of pony back on the ranch. Sure, Bush had snorted some Mexican Mud and mainlined some Black Tar back in Crawford but chasing the dragon was even more fun than chasing tail. (words in italics are cool drug slang words except for these words used in the explanation of the words in italics)

Lt. George W. Bush in Got Drunk, Got Implants, Got Lucky, 1989 --  When Bush came home with his pair of Double Ds, his old man took him out to the wood shed and somebody screamed like a girl for over an hour.  Junior couldn't sit down for a week.