David "Dark Helmet" Wright

May the Schwartz be with you, young Wrightwalker...

Original photo from deadspin

EDIT: For the confused, and I really shouldn't have to do this people. Spaceballs, Dark Helmet, Rick Moranis, David Wright, funny hat. Now stop e-mailing and leave an effing comment.

David "Rip Van" Wright or That Just Might Be One Very, Very, Long Beard

After their satisfying five game winning streak, many Mets swore not to shave until they reached the .500 mark. Oops. After a tough weekend against the Arizona Diamondbacks, one of the few teams with a worse record than themselves, this ZZ Top photo of David Wright was required photoshopping.

If the Mets never get to .500 this year, and they are not a bunch of liars, then they will have to grow their beards until opening day 2010 when their official record will 0-0 or .500.

Let's give a big round of applause to your 2010 New York Mets!!!

Even FOX Sports Hates Obama

Six hundred cameras and FOX misses President Obama's first pitch. We get to see his windup and then, nothing. Not even a replay. What the eff?

I found the video on MLB.com. It's not enough pressure throwing a baseball in front of millions of viewers, they have to line up the surviving members of the Gashouse Gang behind home plate. Imagine if President Obama had accidently nailed Red Schoen­dienst in the head. Think FOX would have been able to show that 1200 times from 600 different angles. Bill O'Reilly would have done a week on it.

My Review

Obama may have short armed the ball (New York fans get to see Jeter and Wright short arm throws several times a week), but I liked the jeans, the jacket and the jogging -- and the arm pump after. Maybe in seven years, President Obama will become a lefthanded reliever instead of building houses for the less fortunate, or making boatloads of money working for the Bin Ladens.

David Wright, a Joke

Mr. Met: Did you hear that All Star David Wright is going to participate in the 2009 Home Run Derby?

Lady Met: Really?

Mr. Met: Yeah, they needed another guy to run around in the outfield and catch flyballs!


I never claimed it was a good joke.



Isn't it about time that someone told David the old Ralph Kiner quote?



Home run hitters date Molly Beers, singles hitters date hometown steers.






I know you jokers, it looks like David Wright in a wig but it isn't. I asked her if she was a woman and she said yes. I asked if she would be willing to date David Wright this year and she said yes. She's Janice from Astoria. She's nice and plain.

Obligatory Santana Post with a Sprinkling of D-Rod

D-Rod Ramblings
David Wright's error in the first reminded me of the years I played high arc softball for Deer Park Ironworks. Nice bunch of guys, heavily into steroids. My thighs were smaller than the team's average bicep -- but I could throw better than anyone else on the team. That short armed throw last night is the result of way too much time spent benching the rack. Big, tight pecs.

The Sheffield Report - 5/4/09

For a loss, saturday's game was not so bad. Yeah, Ollie Perez stunk but the Mets came back and Ken Takahashi came in from the bullpen to keep the game close. Let's sign Takahashi to a $37 million extension and make him our 4th starter.

Jayson Werth is officially the Mets Killer. When he's not getting clutch hits, he's gunning guys down at the plate. I'd rather see Ryan Howard and Shane Victorino whenit counts than Mr. Werth.

But this post is about the Sheff. He batted cleanup, again. And left 4 runners on base, again. What happened to using Sheffield only as a pinch hitter? Last week I assumed that Omar Minaya was intellectually challenged and explained things with simple words and pictures. I have come to the conclusion that Omar Minaya and Jerry Manuel are both effing stupid.

Gary Sheffield batting .176 with 1 HR and 4 RBIs is the cleanup hitter. Gary Sheffield has come to the plate with 32 runners on base and driven in 3. That's 9%! That's worse than everybody's whipping boy, David Wright.

Gary Sheffield Report - 4/29/09 Wherein I explain the Sheff to Omar Minaya using simple words and pictures

I have decided that Omar Minaya is intellectually challenged. For the intellectually challenged out there, that means that Omar Minaya is dumb. I am going to explain with small words and pictures and a simple analogy why Gary Sheffield should not be batting clean-up. Forget the word "analogy," Omar. It's not important.

Back when Gary Sheffield was a young buck, there was a beautiful actress named Sharon Stone. She was pretty and sexy. If you wanted a beautiful and sexy actress to star in your movie back then, she would have been a wise choice.

Today Sharon Stone is old and unappealing. If you were casting a movie today and wanted an actress to star as a beautiful and sexy woman you would not hire Sharon Stone. You would hire Charlize Theron or Beyonce. This is not a knock on Sharon Stone. She had her day and now she is 50 and doing dinner theater in San Bernadino. Are you with me so far, Omar? Just look at the photos up there.

Here are two photos of Gary Sheffield. Omar, stop playing with your Black berry and listen!

He looks pretty much the same. He even waggles his bat the same way in the batter's box. But... Omar pay attention this is important, he doesn't hit the same. Yes, he looks and acts the same but he can't hit. Comprende? Good. Now go cut him and build a rotunda in honor of his 500th homerun.

For those of you that are not intellectually challenged, I'm going to use numbers now. I'm sorry Tony Bernazard, you can't stay. Go ahead, run off to the clubhouse and cause trouble.

Gary Sheffield is batting .169. In 30 at bats, he has struck out eight times and grounded into two double plays.

There have been 27 runners on base (ROB) when he has stepped to the plate and he has driven in three. That's 11% (OBI%). That's worse than any starter except D-Rod. Murphy and Church should be getting the at bats.

Data from baseballprospectus.com.

The Sheffield Report - 4/24/09

There will be no lol-ing during the reading of this post. Stats, straight up, no ice, no soda, no frickin' olive.

There have been 17 runners on base when the Sheff has stepped into the batter's box and he has driven in none. Gary Sheffield equals:

For the sake of fairness and for you D-Rod haters, here's the rest of the Mets:

ROB = runners on base
OBI = runners on base that you drive home
OBI% - percentage of the runners on base that you drive home.

So, David Wright has gotten up with 54 runners on base. He has driven 5 of them home. That's 9.3%

Carlos Delgado has driven home 20% of the runners on base when he steps to the plate.

Ryan Church and Sheffield have actually been less clutch than D-Rod.

All data from baseballprospectus.com

Same Old D-Rod but the Mets Win!

The Mets win, the Yanks lose and all is right with the world - for one day.

Here's a scintillating replay of D-Rod's at bat courtesy of MLB's Gameday (powered by Adobe Flash). I was at work but I still got to "see" David Wright strikeout with a runner on third and less than two outs.