Even More Wall Street Journal Humor - Health Care is So Funny

Another Post Courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

The Wall Street Journal has a daily cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really don't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny. Here's today's cartoon.

Say ahhhh! Looks like another neo-conservative bashing of Obama's health care initiative. Maybe not. When you first read these cartoons you think, oh no, these are just like the cartoons in the New Yorker, I'm just too stupid to understand them. But after weeks of analysis, I've come to the conclusion that we're smart enough, they just suck, and they almost never have anything to do with business, or the right wing agenda of the Wall Street Journal.

Just look at that poorly drawn hypodermic needle. It is a needle, right? She wouldn't be using her cellphone to get rid of his humming unless she was calling Homeland Security to report the poor bastard as a terrorist threat. And check out those vertical lines below the squiggle that denotes her waist -- that nurse is wearing a skirt!!!! Do really rich guys that read the Wall Street Journal get to go to hospitals where the nurses actually wear skirts!?!

This is the part of the post where I attempt to write funnier captions. Remember this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers that is officially housed in the collections of the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor. Here's my attempt at funnier versions. If you are the president of a major university and want to house a collection of my work, e-mail me.

And today's winner so far:

As always, I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

William Safire, A Memorial - One Month in Hell

Given that William Safire has become a regular contributor to this blog since his death, I thought it was fitting to celebrate the one month anniversary of his parting. Bill comments almost daily and is always welcome here despite our different political views.

That's William Safire and George W. Bush in hell. Don't get excited. The photo was taken during George's monthly conjugal visit with Roy Cohn. I photoshopped the hats in to give it a more festive look.

Congratulations and Best Wishes Bill!!!

Even More Wall Street Journal Humor - My Weekly Foray into Highbrow Hijinks

Another Post Courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

The Wall Street Journal has a daily cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really don't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny. Here's today's cartoon.

This cartoon makes me feel stupid -- and poor. Those are middle-aged, white men so we know it's heaven. Does this mean that Mother Theresa is going to look like herself, old and haggard or like Gina Lollobrigida? Despite the theological implications, it's still not funny.

Remember this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers that is officially housed in the collections of the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor. Here's my attempt at funnier versions. If you are the president of a major university and want to house a collection of my work, e-mail me.

And today's winner so far:

As always, I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

UPDATE

At the water cooler, Rickey suggested that "something about golden parachutes might be funny if you thought it out and framed it properly." I turned that incomplete nugget of inspiration into this (and next time could you leave a comment so it looks like somebody reads this fricking blog):

Even More Wall Street Journal Humor

Another Post Courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

I know. I've become completely obsessed with the incredible crappiness of these cartoons. I promise to cut it back to once a week, next week. Here's the standard lead in:

The Wall Street Journal has a daily cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really don't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny. Here's today's cartoon.

I swear that you couldn't pay a guy to draw and write a worse cartoon. What kind of Wall Street guy wears a jacket with zippers on the sleeves? And if you can't really draw a citronella candle? Don't put it on the table. It doesn't add anything to the unfunny punchline involving expensive vacations.

Remember this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers that is officially housed in the collections of the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor. Here's my attempt at funnier versions. If you are the president of a major university and want to house a collection of my work, e-mail me.

Apparently the policy here is "Only Bitches Get Coasters."

Not only won't you get lucky, I believe your October call options just expired.

Finish your drink. We have to get to our Botox appointments. We both look like shit.

Spit or swallow? I can have my Dominican cleaning lady do either one.

And today's winner, so far.

As always, I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

Yesterday's attempt - More Wall Street Journal Humor

Last week's attempt - Wall Street Journal Humor is a Bitch

Wall Street Journal Humor is a Bitch

I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot about the New York Post when we see each other at the Friar's Club. Last night during poker he told me that I might like his other rag called the Wall Street Journal.


I didn't like it but I did find this cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really didn't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny.

I believe the guy on the couch is trying to complete a sudoku puzzle. How droll. Perhaps 5 years ago this would qualify as timely and funny but probably not. Recently, my pal Rupe donated the entire collection of Pepper and Salt comics to the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor.

So, I figured I'll write some captions that are actually funny. Remember this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers so I had to tone down the raunch a bit. Honestly, it was harder than I thought it would be, maybe because I have nothing in common with either of these people.

The Journal says the depression is all your fault, bitch.

How am I supposed to reach my scotch if you put it all the way over there, bitch.

How come you don't shave your box like this bitch in Playboy, bitch?

Put that Peggy Noonan wig back in the box and cook my dinner, bitch.

Gosh darn it, I expected my bonus to arrive in a much larger box! Why did you open it, bitch?

What's so bad about downsizing? I still fit on the couch, bitch.

Don't you think that a Wall Street Journal reader, after a long day of screwing us out of our life savings, would call his significant female other a bitch? And why is the bitch holding a box? Is it a box of completed sudoku puzzles her man has already finished? I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

UPDATE

That's not what I meant when I said to whip out your box, bitch!

Another miscarriage? Thank God tomorrow is recycling day, bitch.

Bitch! Who starred in that 90's sitcom Mad About You? Oh wait... it was us.

Go ahead and leave, bitch. I'll care after I finish reading The National Review.

What's a five letter word for female dog, bitch?