Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Wall Street Journal Humor is a Bitch

I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot about the New York Post when we see each other at the Friar's Club. Last night during poker he told me that I might like his other rag called the Wall Street Journal.


I didn't like it but I did find this cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really didn't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny.





I believe the guy on the couch is trying to complete a sudoku puzzle. How droll. Perhaps 5 years ago this would qualify as timely and funny but probably not. Recently, my pal Rupe donated the entire collection of Pepper and Salt comics Add Imageto the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor.


So, I figured I'll write some captions that are actually funny. Remember this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers so I had to tone down the raunch a bit. Honestly, it was harder than I thought it would be, maybe because I have nothing in common with either of these people.


The Journal says the depression is all your fault, bitch.

How am I supposed to reach my scotch if you put it all the way over there, bitch.

How come you don't shave your box like this bitch in Playboy, bitch?

Put that Peggy Noonan wig back in the box and cook my dinner, bitch.

Gosh darn it, I expected my bonus to arrive in a much larger box! Why did you open it, bitch?

What's so bad about downsizing? I still fit on the couch, bitch.

Don't you think that a Wall Street Journal reader, after a long day of screwing us out of our life savings, would call his significant female other a bitch? And why is the bitch holding a box? Is it a box of completed sudoku puzzles her man has already finished? I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

UPDATE

That's not what I meant when I said to whip out your box, bitch!

Another miscarriage? Thank God tomorrow is recycling day, bitch.

Bitch! Who starred in that 90's sitcom Mad About You? Oh wait... it was us.

Go ahead and leave, bitch. I'll care after I finish reading The National Review.

What's a five letter word for female dog, bitch?

16 comments:

  1. Howabout?

    "That box better have my slippers, cuz there's too much ice in my drink, bitch!"


    Nice use of the old "repeating a word for emphasis trick." President Nixon loved that speech writing technique more than that bitch, Pat.

    Bill

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bill!

    I read somewhere that you were dead!!!

    Thanks for the comment!

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bob,

    Pay no heed to those overreacting ogres of obsequious obituarianism.

    Howabout?

    "Is that where you keep my testicles? Or your own self respect?"

    Bill

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bill,

    The New York Times says you're dead and they were right about God. I think you are dead.

    Thanks for the comment!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Better to be a dead pundit than a pun that died.

    lol I'm good even when I'm dead.

    Howabout?

    "I'll give you the Week in Review to wrap up your precious gift when I'm good and goddamned ready, bitch"

    Bill

    ReplyDelete
  6. Bill,

    Did you have a favorite line from any of your speeches? Maybe the line from the Agnew speech, "nattering nabobs of negativism?"

    Thanks for the comment!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bob,

    My favorite line was not written for a politician but the television character Dr. Zachry Smith while I was a staff writer on the old Lost in Space situation comedy.

    Dr. Smith, portrayed brilliantly by Jonathan Harris,turns to the robot and calls it,

    "a bubble-headed bucket of broken bolts!"

    Howabout?

    "What's in the box man? What's in the box? Dammit, what's in the box?"

    Bill

    ReplyDelete
  8. Funny cartoon !
    In the meantime, You should visit this interesting game site at www.domo-sudoku.com where you can play challenging sudoku puzzles.
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am fifteen years old and I can understand the jokes most of the time. Obviously you don't put enough effort into understanding them. And who says that all people on wallstreet are rich scumbags. Do you even know these people? They can be very hard workers for the sum they make. Each culture or sub-culture has different humor. I think you are way too critical of other people. And since you are so crass... Shove It!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear 15-year-old that Reads the Wall Street Journal,

    Let me guess, your daddy is a sleezy, wallstreet scumbag that makes his piles of money by fuckingover honest working class people like me and you feel the need to defend him. Don't bother. Counting money is not work. I'll see both of you in hell and the tens of thousands of in my subclass are going to rip you and your dad several new ones, over adn over again for eternity.

    BTW, can you buy a sense a humor? Yes? You probably should consider doing so as soon as possible.

    Sincerely,
    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  11. My father is not a wallstreet scumbag, he happens to be an accountant in a small firm. You do not have to be on wallstreet to understand it all. You obviously need to look at the facts.

    (1) Not everyone on wallstreet is a scumbag
    (2) You only hear of bad wallstreet workers in the news, which happens to be such a small number in comparrison to the countless workers on wallstreet.
    (3)You do not know everything

    People on wallstreet usually start out as enterprising, resourcefull, and hard-working youths who you would be well to learn from.

    Who was your father? Was he a plumber? How about a mechanic? How about you? My father was and will never be rich. Same is probably true for me. It is you lousy, third rate, uninformed idiots that make this lousy country look worse.

    Sincerely,
    WALLSTREET JOURNAL READER!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Rich Kid,

    Thanks for the comment!

    Can you do me a favor? In the future, please comment on the latest Wall Street Journal post at the top of the blog. That way it will look like someone atucally reads this thing.

    Thanks in advance for your cooperation!!!

    Bob

    ReplyDelete
  13. I dont get the joke, can someone care to explained to me please.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Nice use of the old "repeating a word for emphasis trick."

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete