Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday Fotoshop Funnies - Sarah Palin and a Baby

SACRAMENTO (Reuters) - Sarah Palin will sign a small, Asian child instead of a book if the price is right.

Sarah Palin signing a dead baby

Just best selling author Sarah Palin and
a bunch of regular folks torturing a baby.

funny sarah palin photo, sarah palin killing a baby. the pen is mightier than the sword

Sarah's hatred of Asians was well documented in an
article in the New Yorker (New Yorker, December 12, 2009)
and Sharpies have a silly name because they are not sharp. Can
you be more funny? Leave a comment or
e-mail me.

funny sarah palin photo signing tits

Elio Chacon of Caracas, Venezuela somehow got this
through Homeland Security. I hate Glenn Beck and I hate
Sarah Palin but I do like titties.

sarah palin and jesus christ funny
RonTheMasochistHuntMan has a long name but
sent in a very funny caption. Unfortunately, we all know that
Sarah would quit long before she connected all those flowers!

Life is funny FelixTheCat but you aren't. Recycling my
Sharpie comment will not cut it. What is the deal with
that baby? Asleep? Dead? Ecstasy?

funny sarah palin exorcism

William Randolph of South Carolina sent in this winner.
Even the devil is scared of a Sarah Palin that is writing
something. What if he has to read it!?!

More Friday Fotoshop Funnies Fun
Bristol Palin and Levi Getting Married
Flat Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin and Henry Kissinger in Love

Can't Get Enough of this Crap? During the last election I created the site (voted by as the leftist comedy site most likely to be mispelled).

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Good Christian Team Mascots Not Un-American Demon Mascots

Funny Pastor Donald Crosby I believe that we are truely blessed that a man like Pastor Donald Crosby is brave enough to protect our children (unfortunately, the only photo I could find of Pastor Crosby is from those heathens at Over in Georgia, Pastor Crosby has been arrested by the Warner Robins police for the crime of Protesting While Christian! The entire, heartbreaking story is here.

Warner Robins DemonThe school administration at Warner Robins High School is secretly turning our children into worshippers of Satan by holding up the demon as a false idol. Nightly crowds of impressionable children cheer for the Demons when they should be embracing Our Savior Jesus Christ.

Sexy Jesus Christ the Hunk MascotLook at the guns on Our Lord! Is He saving souls or posing for the cover of a romance novel? Both. Is there a better mascot for a football or basketball team than Our own Rough and Tumble Savior? If you are the Lubbock Lambs, that image might not put the fear of God into you, but the Duke Blue Devils will be cowering in their locker room of sin.

Wake up, Christians!!! Back in biblical times, when God blessed America, He envisioned a time in the far future when 228 million of His Christian Soldiers would rise up against their oppressors in Washington, D.C.

That time is upon U.S.

I did extensive research on the internet for five minutes and discovered that some Courageous Christian schools have adopted acceptable mascots for their teams. Let's follow their blessed example and march forth with Pastor Crosby as Good Christian Crusaders for Our America. Sometimes it is Right and Righteous to be Followers!!!

The Good folks at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia have named their team after their founder, Right Reverend Jerry Fallwell. Here's a photograph of the mascot of the Liberty Fightin' Fallwells, Jerry Falls Well!

fat Jerry FallwellThat ain't right. That's just an actual photo of the Right Reverend Jerry Fallwell.

Jerry Fallwell mascot

That's better. Sinners beware! The Fightin' Fallwells will smash that line!

College of the Holy Cross in TaxandJewsetts is a Catholic institution. I know that as far as Christians go, Catholics are not much better than the Jew or the Hindu, yet, these are the sort of Christians that are daring enough to name their team the Holy Cross Papists.

That's Beatic Benny flagellating the masses into a frenzy.

While researching this article I came across this strange photograph of the Pope at last year's All Hallows Eve Ball.

Are we sure that Catholics are Christians?

Perhaps the most famous date in religious mascot history is November 31, 2009. The day the Southwest Nazarene Fightin' Jesuses of Idaho met the Baruch College Chosen Ones of New York City.

Fightin Jesuses team Mascot Christian

Holy Moses, that was a massacre! Baruch's offensive line parted like the Red Sea resulting in 24 sacks of their quarterback, Marty "The Mensch" Markowitz. Final score? Christians 78, Jews 0.

Props to Ironicus Maximus and Seeing Eye Chick for the inspiration.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Cougar Smackdown - Michaele vs. Danielle: Ripped from the Headlines

cougar fight smackdown michele salahi vs danielle staub

Can you imagine two more different readerships than those of the Huffington Post and the New York Post?

Let's see what the Top 5 most popular stories are today at these shockingly dissimilar news outlets.

1.Yankees take beanball battle; Damon rips Gardner
2. Zac Efron wants to be in 'Memphis' movie
3. IRS files lien against Naomi Campbell
4. Internet thorn in porn world
5. Salahi 'charity' raises zero at premiere party

1. New Jersey 'Housewife' FIRED?
2. Birther Queen Orly Taitz Smacked Down By Supreme Court
3. Kim Kardashian On 'Humiliating' Sex Tape, Her Hairless Body
4. Why We Should Actually Thank Dr. Laura for Her N-Word Rant
5. The Hidden Health Benefits of Alcohol?

Can you tell them apart? I color coded them to help you. The Yankees story is probably the biggest giveaway or maybe the 'Birther Queen' AP report which is not about Octo-Mom but about a dentist that is sueing somebody because Barrack Obama is not a U.S. citizen.

I had to look up Sahali. It refers to those attention whores that crashed a party at the White House. The wife, Michaele Sahali is the latest real houseslut of reality television.

Point is, nobody cares about real news.

sasha grey kim kardashian dr. laura danielle staub micheale

Don't Cry for Me, Brett Favre! You were supposed to be immortal...

Because according to Google, you are demanding it, my first ever repost.

Can ESPN be less credible? Every second of ESPN is about access. They will report anything as long as it assures access to a star player or a league. Actual journalism is left to the other guys. Brett Favre is returning because those three guys knocked on his door, because he misses the guys in the locker room, because he owes it to the VIkes, because he loves football? REX YOU! I'll give you 20,000,001 real reasons Bret Favre is NOT retiring AGAIN, $20,000,000 for 16 games and he because he retired doesn't have to work out like every other player in the league. Honorable, old white guys retire; evil, young black cornerbacks holdout.

Don't Cry for Me, Brett Favre! You were supposed to be immortal... (first posted exactly one year ago, August 19, 2009.)

funny brett favre retirement photo
I figured out why Brett Favre can't stay retired. He lives in Hattiesburg, Mississippi! I know he says he likes it there. I know he says he likes spendin' his time killin' things, huntin', fishin', and trappin'. But if Hattiesburg is so great, how come every August he gets an itchin' to get the hell out of Hattiesburg? Maybe because the average daily temperature in August in Hattiesburg, Mississippi is 99 degrees. And it's not a pleasant dry heat, its 100% humidity heat -- with the nearest ocean breeze 1,000 miles away.

Brett Favre made 890 million dollars playing football. This makes him the richest man in Hattiesburg by $889.5 million. The next richest guy has a lot of pigs. He doesn't even bother to turn it into dollars. He just sends the IRS a couple of piglets every year.

I mean look at Brett over there in Minnesota straight off a private jet from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. He's wearing a hat with SHIT ON IT!!! He has retired to a place where he's ass deep in shit. Pig shit, probably. There's so much nasty shit in Hattiesburg, Mississippi that the cleanest hat Brett Favre could find for his press conference still has a shitload of shit on it. I know what you're thinking, it's a fashion statement, the hat with shit goes with the homeless beard, toothless grin and inarticulate mumbling. I say $890 million and he's wearing a hat with shit on it.

I did some exhaustive research for a few minutes and learned a thing or two about Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Two things actually, because that's all there is to know about Hattiesburg. First, it was named after a wife named Hattie who was born without an edge to her face. Second, it's famous for having a history so racist, the Klan is embarassed.

So, how can we avoid 890 billion hours of Brett Favre coverage on ESPN? How can we avoid the God awful feeling we get watching a grown man crying, over and over again? Somebody has to buy the guy a couch and tell him to move to Florida FerChristSakes! Hey Brett, I hear Arizona is nice, lots of white people and you can kill stuff like snakes and gila monsters.

More Funny Brett Favre Retirement Ranting - includes hot pictures of Brett Favre's hot wife, Deanna.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

More Wall Street Journal Humor - The Death of Comedy

Another Post Courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

The Wall Street Journal has a daily cartoon called Pepper... and Salt that I really, really don't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny. Here's today's cartoon.

Death has finally updated his technology to deal with the increase in workload caused by the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld metrics. Wait, this is the Wall Street Journal. What's the angle? No angle. No laughs. Isn't the whole beauty of a Swiss Army knife in the ability to fold away the various tools so that they are not in the way? If Death's not careful when tries to use that scissor, he's going to take his eye out with the awl.

On a positive note, this is the best drawn Pepper... and Salt I have ever seen -- except for that Estes model rocket. The guy takes all that time to render a killer corkscrew then gives us a Phillip's head screwdriver that looks like crap.

When you first read these cartoons you think, oh no, they're just like the cartoons in the New Yorker, I'm just too stupid to understand them. But after weeks of analysis, I've come to the conclusion that we're smart enough, they just suck, and they almost never have anything to do with business, or the right wing agenda of the Wall Street Journal.

This is the part of the post where I attempt to write funnier captions. Don't forget, this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers that is officially housed in the collections of the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor. If you are the president of a major university and want to house a collection of my work, e-mail me, we'll talk.

And today's winner so far.

As always, I will continue to add captions to this post all day until I think of something funny. You are invited to help but you won't because leaving a comment is too much damn effort, bitch.

Even More Wall Street Journal Humor