In a tragedy strangely reminicent of the Chilean Mining Accident of last year, the Trump Taj Mahal Casino collapses, trapping every member of the Kardashian family and the entire cast of Jersey Shore under tons of rubble. The victims were in Atlantic City shooting a new reality show scheduled to air in the fall called Kim and Khloe Go to White Castle.
Donald Trump hastily organizes a combination rescue mission and television show called Kan You Rescue a Kardashian and maybe Snooki? The winner will receive $25,000 and a Bruce Springsteen Limited Boxed Set.
Local legend and part-time comedian/hustler Bob Melonosky develops an ingenious plan and gets the go ahead to implement it. His idea involves a pink eraser, four push pins and a rubber band. Unfortunately, Bob becomes distracted by his blog, online porn, Top Chef: Allstars, and a bird that keeps banging into his window at work, and it takes him 69 days to reach the b-list celebrities. Everyone perishes except for Kim Kardashian and Bruce Jenner. Bob rescues Kim in front of a grateful nation transfixed by the drama unfolding on their television screens. Overnight numbers are good so Fox orders another season.
Kim Kardashian falls madly in love with Bob Melonosky and promises 69 straight nights of 69 as a symbol of their love. However, Kim has survived 69 days in the rubble by licking condensation off of rocks and eating the late, great Snooki's left foot -- not a very nutritious diet. This has resulted in a tightening and significant reduction in Ms. Kardashian's famously bountiful booty. Bob no longer finds her appealing and leaves with the cash.
A distraught Kim looks for a rebound relationship but she has already dated every NFL player, current or retired, under the age of 40. She finally finds love in the arms of O.J. Simpson, former NFL player and long-time family friend. A wedding transpires behind the walls of the Lovelock Correctional Facility in Pershing County, Nevada where O.J. is serving 33 years for kidnapping and armed robbery. The only attendees are Paris Hilton, the maid-of-honor and Kato Kaelin, the best man.
After their first conjugal visit, Kim Kardashian is found brutally stabbed to death. The only clues in the trailer are a bloody print from a Size 12 Bruno Maglis shoe and a man's glove on the smallish size. A disconsolate O.J. vowes to find the killer.