Thursday, July 10, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/10/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.


When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Lindsay Lohan hung over ugly bloated no hot
Lindsay Lohan flaunts her cleavage and legs in a plunging floral-print playsuit as she steps out in New York
My Comment:  In the fashion industry we call that look heroin un-chic.


Holy eggplant, that's a spicy meatball
Father, son and the holy vegetable: Cook finds God...in an eggplant
My Comment:  Upside down that eggplant clearly spells COD.  Maybe it dreamed of being served on a plate with a nice piece of fish.


Kim
The fun of the fair! Kim Kardashian enjoys rides and churros at the Jersey Shore
My Comment:  Putting penis-shaped objects in her mouth on camera is Kim Kardashian's career.

That's not the first time Kim has gotten all hot and bothered by a churro and a corn dog.   Remember the Ray J video?

Kim Kardashian Ray J video oral funny

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.


Jennifer Lawrence side boob oops
Making a boob of herself! Jennifer Lawrence reveals an eyeful as she goes braless at Dior show.  The Hunger Games star flashed some serious sideboob..... before facepalming Emma Watson! 
My Comment:  "The Hunger Games star flashed some serious sideboob."   I'm a big fan of sideboob but serious sideboob is my least favorite. Give me flirtatious sideboob, supple sideboob, playful sideboob, lots of sideboob but serious sideboob?  I never figured Jennifer Lawrence would have a serious side.  Rating ▲3


Kardashian beauty contest Kourtney hot
Sexy sisters in the city! Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian show off enviable legs in form-fitting outfits on a New York stroll
My Comment:  Kourtney is the only one with good legs and she's preggers.  Rating ▲3


Jessica Simpson wedding photos hot
'It was magical': Jessica Simpson raves about her wedding day as she shares first glimpse of her Carolina Herrera gown
My Comment:   While her husband kisses her, Jessica is focused solely on the camera -- perfectly capturing the shallowness of her personality.  Rating ▲10


Daily

Starting this week, I'm introducing a new feature to my weekly Daily Mail bit.

The Daily Mail Pokies of the Week!

Feeling perky?  See if you can guess the owner of these delightful celebrity nipples.


Selena Gomez pokies nips oops hot

The first correct caller will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt*.  I'll give you a hint.  Those "magical" pokies do not belong to Emma Watson.  I'll give you another hint.  I biebelieve that the astounding display of cleavage and perkiness is achieved without a bra but justin case I'm wrong, oh baby, that's an impressive... Screw it , that's enough hints.



Selena Gomez nipples pokies nips cleavage hot

Did you guess America's sweetheart, Selena Gomez!?!  Wow!  Selena is a hot, sweaty mess of deliciousness.

Justin (Bieber) case you missed the pokies in the first photo, the considerate editors at The Daily Mail include three more.

Selena Gomez nipples pokies nips cleavage hot


* Readers of the blog PoundTheBudweiser and members of their family are not eligible for this contest.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/3/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.


When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Jennifer Ellison hot pregnant funny
'Doctors said I wouldn't be able to conceive again!': Jennifer Ellison reveals she is six months pregnant with her third child 
My Comment:  Obviously, those doctors underestimated the incredible amount of spunk Jennifer possesses.  Spunk she's not afraid to use, over, and over again. You show 'em, girlfriend!


Lindsay Lohan kissing girl, Monica Lewinsky kissing girl, Hillary Clinton kissing girl
Monica Lewinsky is out on the town in London as Hillary Clinton jets in to promote her book
My Comment:  Hopefully, they'll both party at the Chiltern Firehouse and they'll both get caught making out with Lindsey Lohan.  Now that would be news!

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.


RFK Jr. Cheryl Hines hot cheating funny daughter
Robert F Kennedy Jr will be deposed by husband of 'mistress' Chelsea Kirwan same week he plans to wed Cheryl Hines
My Comment:  Why don't those two have a reality TV show? Their lives are a joke.  Keeping Up With the Kennedys!  Rating ▲86

I'm going to pitch it to E!  That daughter will need breast implants and butt implants and then we're good to go.

Keeping Up With The Kennedys Cheryl Hines hot

On a very special KUWTKennedys, Cheryl gets upset when Junior selects small-breasted Taylor Swift to be on his touch football team before he selects her.  Is the wedding off!?!



first black Yale hockey player
Maya Peterson forced to resign as Lawrenceville School's first black student-president
My Comment:  White people have no sense of humor, especially the snooty 1%ers. #RomneyDumb  Rating ▼54


Las Vegas No water no planning no joke
Las Vegas in danger of running out of water by 2036
My Comment:  This is not a surprise.  Build a big city in the desert with no planning and you get what you deserve. The high rollers can drink champagne.  Rating ▲86


Kim Kardashian before photoshop Chantelle Houghton bikini hot not
'I'm not feeling great in myself': Chantelle Houghton opens up about piling on the pounds as she displays fuller figure on holiday
My Comment:  Somebody please tell Chantelle that they make one piece bathing suits with skirts or maybe a sweatsuit would be better.  Rating ▲15

Remember Kim Kardashian's 3 Ps for the perfect image -- plastic surgery, photoshop and personal photographers (It's really 4 Ps but don't tell Kim.  She'll cry and then eat a cheesecake).

Thursday, June 26, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 6/26/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.


When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Kim Kardashian kisses dolphin animal love
Kim Kardashian has a fin-tastic time in black bikini as she swims with and kisses a dolphin
My Comment:   I've never seen a dolphin kissing an elephant seal before!  Those kids will be uglier than Baby Nori.

Having already spread herpes and chlamydia throughout the human population, Kim Kardashian sets her sights on innocent dolphins.  Does her evil horniness know no bounds?


Karlie Kloss no boobs no cameltoe no story
Karlie Kloss dresses down in tight-fitting jeans
My Comment:  A Karlie Kloss article with no side boob, no bottom boob, no top boob, and no nipply-wipplys?  Why is this news?

Kirstie Alley fat again funny
'I've lost three lemurs!' Kirstie Alley reveals she has dropped 20lbs since restarting the Jenny Craig plan
My Comment:   It looks like Kirstie ATE three lemurs, for breakfast, with a side of bacon, and a side of beef.


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

buy
Queen Elizabeth and Duke of Edinburgh visit a notorious Belfast prison once synonymous with the Troubles
My Comment:   When you buy a hat like that, I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?  But it looks good on you, Your Majesty.  Rating ▼47


Khloe Kardashian fat funny healthy
Khloe Kardashian puts on a leggy display in a form-fitting black ensemble as she reveals her top tips for 'staying healthy'
My Comment:  Might as well ask Ronald McDonald advice on staying healthy or maybe a walrus.  Rating ▲2

Jeremy Meeks hot not
Jeremy Meeks' mother defends son. Says he wakes up crying, he's only guilty of being good looking
My Comment:  He doesn't wake up crying, that's a cute, little tear tattoo! This mother is dumb.  Rating ▼1


Kim Kardashian fat again funny no photoshop
Kim Kardashian showcases her svelte figure in plunging black jumpsuit
My Comment:  Svelte?  Svelte means slender and elegant, two adjectives that do not apply to Kim Kardashian.  I think the word you meant was zaftig. It sounds the same but means having a full, rounded figure.  Rating ▲1


Selena Gomez selfie hot bikini
Selena Gomez flashes her taut and tanned tum in a skimpy crop top as she posts yet another flesh-baring selfie online
My Comment:  Yummy!  Selena, more selfies, por favor!  Rating ▼15


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 6/24/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

whales, rainbows unicorns and hearts

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week


Lindsey Lohan skank funny
Lindsay Lohan shows off her legs in thigh high boots as she once again hits Chiltern Firehouse
My Comment:  Lindsey Lohan goes to the Chiltern Firehouse so much, there has to be a fine layer of herpes and gonorrhea covering every flat surface in the place.  The health inspector should shut it down for a good hosing off.

Let's just be thankful that none of her ugly tattoos are visible.  Girl has more bad ink than an Algerian midfielder.

Jessica Alba nipple oops right boob hot
Jessica Alba hints one day she could go NUDE for a movie... as she shows off cute summer outfit on morning show 
My Comment:   Jessica better go nude soon, she's not getting any younger --  and it seems from that side photo that her talent is beginning to sag.

The Daily Mail highlights one of the two reasons to write a story about Jessica Alba.


corporate barbie getting down and dirty with bendable knees funny
Meet Entrepreneur Barbie! New doll comes armed with tiny tablet and smartphone to break the plastic ceiling
My Comment:  Barbie isn't going anywhere in corporate America looking like that if she can't bend her knees.

My bad.  Looks like Corporate Barbie is willing to go to any length to nail that promotion.  Cellphone, colorful graphs and articulated appendages.


Mindy
Bootylicious Office star Mindy Kaling turns heads in figure-hugging dress as she heads into event in New York 
My Comment:  Mindy has the same butt as Kim without photoshop.  If Mindy ever decides that writing and acting are too much work, she can just buy photoshop and blow a wrapper.

I really thought that by cleverly juxtaposing rapper with wrapper I would get this comment through.  Damn you, Daily Mail and your highly paid censors. 


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Uglier Britney Spears or Kelly Osbourne?
Kelly Osbourne shows off impressively pert derriere in a thong as she poses in racy Instagram shot
My Comment:   Kelly Osbourne makes Britney Spears look good. Now, that's impressive!  Rating ▲2

Because a horrific Britney Spears photo was featured in the article just before the Kelly Osbourne article.  And "pert' and Kelly Osbourne are impressively, mutually exclusive.

Both of these photos have a lot going on but I'll focus on the Kelly Osbourne one.  Who is that guy/gal with the flowers?  I think it's what Hollywood calls a butt wrangler.  Does anybody know how someone becomes a butt wrangler?  I really need a career change. Do I have to go to USC Film School or can I perfect my craft on lesser celebrities until, after years of working in the trenches, I can wrangle some Osbourne booty?


Photographer Ahab pursues white whale 14 years photo looks gray funny
Australian photographer captures Migaloo the elusive white whale in full flight
My Comment:  That whale looks gray in the photo. Disappointing.  Rating ▼169

I'm sorry. That looks like a gray whale.  It's because of the shadows.  The photographer should have asked the whale to jump the other way, with his back to the sky.  Imagine waiting 14 years and getting it wrong?

At least Ahab got to kill Moby Dick (I'm assuming, because I never finished that book and it would be a stupid book if Ahab didn't get to kill the white whale at the end of the book). 

Friday, June 20, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 6/20/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.


When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Kim
Kim Kardashian shows off her pole dancing skills
My Comment:  That pole could hold up the Golden Gate Bridge!  BTW, I wouldn't touch Kim Kardashian with a 10-foot pole and I wouldn't touch that pole.  It must smell like Liverpool at low tide.


Heaven is full  of murderers and rapists
'I'm going home to be with Jesus': Last words of killer who raped and murdered 15-year-old as he becomes the first US execution since botched lethal injection
My Comment:   More evidence that Jesus has worse taste in men than Taylor Swift.  Heaven can have all the born-agains, I'm heading south when I expire.


Kendall Jenner hot
Kendall Jenner dresses to shock in gown slashed to reveal her pelvic bones as she joins little sister Kylie at MuchMusic Awards
My Comment:  I bet if you yanked down hard on that flap, it would roll up like a window shade allowing easy access to Kendall's nether region. A dress both beautiful and practical.


Cersei is a punk chick Lena Headey tats
 Lena Headey wears unapologetic tank-top as she arrives at taping of Jimmy Kimmel show in Hollywood
My Comment:  It's a trap!

Because I got this exact comment through last week with respect to Jennifer Lopez and Lena does have a prominent Adam's apple/esophagus for a hot chick.

Then I thought maybe it was just a weird photo.

Cersei funny neck

Nope.  Girl has a pretty thick neck for a princess.  Then I got to thinking how Cersei would look with a Disney neck and Disney waist.

Cersei Disney version hot
    
Wow,  I can't draw anymore.  Bummer.

Khloe Kardashian pig mask oink
Khloe Kardashian dons animal mask and poses next to inflatable donut as she fools around 
My Comment:  What mask?   Belly up to the trough Khloe, that skirt can withstand a few more pounds.  Oink!

What mother would make her ugliest daughter that's kind of chubby wear a pig mask on TV?  Khloe's mother.


 Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Katherine Jenkins hot opera singer
Hats off to her! Katherine Jenkins highlights her slender figure in blue shift dress as she attends Royal Ascot Ladies' Day
My Comment:   She looks like a soulless party-goer in the Capitol from the Hunger Games.  Rating ▲1

Katherine Jenkins funny hat

Seriously, who's the parody and who's an actual upper-crust, elitist snob? 

Friday, June 13, 2014

Why World Cup Soccer Sucks - Final 2014 Update

Why World Cup Soccer sucks



Against my better judgement, I, a red-blooded American, sat down to watch Brazil vs. Croatia.

Croatia was playing energetically, aggressively, pushing forward instead of making a hundred meaningless passes at midfield.  Croatia was ahead 1-0 when Fred cheated.  He fell down.  He flopped.  He took a dive.

Brazil was losing so they cheated.

Fred pretended a big, bad Croatian pushed him. He faked it.


World Cup Brazil Fred is a cheating pussy


And, because this is World Cup Soccer, he was rewarded for his unmanly acts.




Yuichi Nishimura is a cheater


Referee Yuichi Nishimura gave the Croat a yellow card and awarded a penalty shot that even an American could have scored.  Later on, I guess to assure his payoff, Mr. Nishimura waved off a goal by Croatia for no apparent reason.


I have a question for the real soccer fans out there, "Does Japan get credit for the win?" That would be too fair for FIFA.

After the goal, that disgusting, cheating pussy Fred was caught on camera pointing to the heavens.


World CUp Brazil fakes it to victory fred cheats thanks God'


What a role model for today's youth!!! Fred was thanking God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit for teaching him how to cheat.

Thank God Brazil was able to fake it to victory.   Pele must be so proud.


Now we know the difference between a cheating pussy and a cheating cunt.  Cheating cunt is courtesy of  Irvine Welsh.


I will not watch another single minute of this World Cup.


Maybe in four years I'll try again. I'm sure the games in Qatar will be fair and clean.