When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
My Comment: Really looks like she loves it.
Smile though your face is plastic
Smile though your skin's not elastic
When your cheeks start to wrinkle, your eyes still can twinkle.
If you smile even though you're old and dried up.
Smile though your face might crack up.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
Even if you're not in style.
I take the time to write a love song for Vicky and The Daily Mail rejects it. Love stinks.
My Comment: Please don't get down about your big breasts. They may hamper your marital arts fighting but they look great and are good for lots other things -- that I would be willing to show you if you promise not to kick me in the nuts.
My Comment: It's good thing Tom Cruise isn't a seed bearer because he's been shooting blanks his whole life.
Because the last time I called Tom Cruise a Mormon, I got more red arrows than a Mormon has wives.
My Comment: Khloe's bottom looks like somebody shoved two watermelons up her ass and they're struggling to get out.
Comparing that fat ass to a peach is lazy journalism. Let's visually compare Khloe's fat ass to a peach drawn to scale.
Wow. A peach looks like an angry boil on Khloe's fat ass.
Now let's compare that ass to two big watermelons.
And I didn't even go to journalism school.
This analysis begs the question, How many peaches can fit in Khloe's fat ass? We can derive a model and get a pretty good estimate.
The answer is 847 peaches can fit in Khloe Kardashian's fat ass.
Coincidentally (or not), The Daily Mail called Khloe's sister Kendall's ass peachy a couple of days later.
Coincidentally (or not), Kendall Jenner happens to be carrying the exact peach we used in the Khloe fat ass analysis.
How many peaches do you think can fit in Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass?
The answer is, Who the fuck cares? I want to smother Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass in peach cobbler and spend the weekend nibbling.
Accepted Comments
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
My Comment: Jesus would say that "dumb and racist is no way to go through life, Mayor Beth."
Rating ▼1,159
If a white boy named Jim Bob had brought that clock into school, he would have won the science fair and a scholarship to Baylor.
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