Friday, October 2, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 10/2/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Victoria Beckham love saong smile
'It's a very new thing, she loves it': David Beckham reveals wife Victoria has a passion for tequila... and that he gifted her with a special bottle from Mexico
My Comment:  Really looks like she loves it.

Smile though your face is plastic
Smile though your skin's not elastic
When your cheeks start to wrinkle,  your eyes still can twinkle.

If you smile even though you're old and dried up.
Smile though your face might crack up.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
Even if you're not in style.

I take the time to write a love song for Vicky and The Daily Mail rejects it.  Love stinks.

MMA big boobs Brye Russillo
MMA fighter complains that her big 12lb breasts are holding her back by forcing her to compete in a heavier division
My Comment:   Please don't get down about your big breasts.  They may hamper your marital arts fighting but they look great and are good for lots other things -- that I would be willing to show you if you promise not to kick me in the nuts.

Tom Cruise Mormon
Women in Warren Jeffs' mormon cult are forced to get pregnant by 'seed bearering' men while their husbands hold their hands and watch, claims exiled member
My Comment:  It's good thing Tom Cruise isn't a seed bearer because he's been shooting blanks his whole life.

Because the last time I called Tom Cruise a Mormon, I got more red arrows than a Mormon has wives.

Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny
The BIG reveal! Khloe Kardashian displays her peachy bottom in semi-sheer leggings... after unveiling newly blonde locks
My Comment:  Khloe's bottom looks like somebody shoved two watermelons up her ass and they're struggling to get out.

Comparing that fat ass to a peach is lazy journalism.  Let's visually compare Khloe's fat ass to a peach drawn to scale.

Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny

Wow.  A peach looks like an angry boil on Khloe's fat ass.

Now let's compare that ass to two big watermelons.

Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny

And I didn't even go to journalism school.

This analysis begs the question, How many peaches can fit in Khloe's fat ass?  We can derive a model and get a pretty good estimate.

Khloe Kardashian fat ass funny

The answer is 847 peaches can fit in Khloe Kardashian's fat ass.

Coincidentally (or not), The Daily Mail called Khloe's sister Kendall's ass peachy a couple of days later.

KendallJenner braless
Wild Kendall Jenner goes braless and flashes her peachy derriere in a sexy sheer ensemble for late night dinner in Paris

Coincidentally (or not), Kendall Jenner happens to be carrying the exact peach we used in the Khloe fat ass analysis.

Kendall Jenner ass funny

How many peaches do you think can fit in Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass?

The answer is, Who the fuck cares?  I want to smother Kendall Jenner's perfectly shaped ass in peach cobbler and spend the weekend nibbling.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Irvine Mayor Beth Van Duyne racist but funny
'He got what he asked for': Local officials, including mayor, justify the arrest of Ahmed Mohamed, 14, for bringing a homemade digital clock into school
My Comment: Jesus would say that "dumb and racist is no way to go through life, Mayor Beth." 
Rating ▼1,159

If a white boy named Jim Bob had brought that clock into school, he would have won the science fair and a scholarship to Baylor.

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