Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.
When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many
red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
Kim Kardashian shows off her bump in yet another all-beige outfit as she steps out for fancy Beverly Hills lunch
My Comment: It looks like somebody accidentally stepped on Kim but then realized it and managed to stop before she was totally squished into a beige blob of silly putty.
Not the funniest comment but truthful. You look doubtful.
What a lovely day in Beverly Hills. I think I will go for a walk.
I'm a pretty big guy so even though I'm barefooted I don't always notice when I step on something insignificant.
That looks like a nice place to enjoy a fancy lunch.
Maybe after lunch, I'll meet up with the girls and get a man-pedi. My feet are super gross.
Oh no! I think I may have stepped on something squishy.
Yuck, I've stepped on silly putty or something lacking in the basic knowledge of style.
The very first Photoshopped picture? How image of General Ulysses S. Grant during Civil War battle was cleverly mocked up
My Comment: Ulysses should have used Kim Kardashian's guy. His butt and boobs would be way bigger and his beer belly would have magically disappeared.
"Former high school football says he was sexually assaulted..."
My Comment: Since when is it against the law to molest a football? What's next? Honeydew melon alerts?
The Daily Mail, where we depend on our readers to do the actual editing.
That looks tasty! Cindy Crawford parades her flawless physique in tight top and flared jeans as she gets coffee in New York
My Comment: It does look tasty. I would start out with tiny little sips and nibbles until my mouth got used to the heat. Then I would slurp and quaff that tasty beverage until we were both satisfied, licking the foam off my lips before giving Cindy a goodnight kiss.
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
Horsing around with the Beckhams: Victoria posts sweet snap of daughter Harper on a pony ride... as shirtless David shows off new rose neck tattoo
My Comment: Do you people never tire of Khloe Kardashian's big butt? Oh, it's a horse? Nevermind. Rating ▼1
'I had to find my
confidence first': Victoria Beckham talks about becoming a global
fashion guru as she is named one of Glamour's Women Of The Year
My Comment: Vicky should go look for her smile. Maybe it's hiding in the same place as her confidence. Rating ▲28
Do I ever get tired of smile shaming Posh Spice? Not yet. Imagining gettng so much plastic surgery that you can't smile when your kids make you happy. She should do a Public Service Announcement explaining the dangers of too much surgery or maybe get another face lift her jowls are starting to sag.
Christine Bleakley cuts a glamorous figure as she watches fiance Frank Lampard receive an OBE alongside his daughters Isla and Luna
My Comment: I could watch Christine watch her fiancé all day. She is hot. Rating ▼86
Any comment that fits this generic format:
I could watch [Decent Looking Celebrity I Never Heard Of] watch her [fiancé/husband/boyfriend/boy toy] all day
is red arrow gold. I don't know why but I'm not complaining.
If I won a prestigious award, maybe the coveted Bloke That Looks Most Like an Accountant in Need of Shave Award 2015 , and Christine Bleakly was my fiancé, I would ask her to give me head wearing that hat.
While she was kneeling in front of me hobbing my knob, I would put a marble at the very top of the hat and then try to award Christine for her efforts before the marble works its way to the bottom of the hat.
I submitted this fellatio fantasy as a comment but the Daily Mail rejected it.