Friday, October 18, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments 10/18/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny daily mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

funny Kim Kardashian Jennifer Hudson pit stains
Who wore it better? Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Hudson sport identical figure-hugging dresses on the same day
My comment: Does Kim's dress come with poles and stakes?  I vote for Jennifer.  I would lick the sweaty armpits of a woman that gorgeous!

Who hasn't walked the red carpet with unsightly pit stains?  Jennifer Hudson looks hot, sexy, beautiful and sweaty, four of my favorite attributes of a woman. I actually did vote for her instead of Cory Booker and Kim Kardashian.

Kim Kardashian camel toe cameltoe leakage pee stain

The Daily Mail again revealed it's unprofessional bias towards Kim Kardashian by carefully cropping the photo! Try to look past the unbelievable amount of wrinkles, sags and folds in a dress designed to be "figure-hugging," and instead, look at that staining.

The only red carpet disaster worse than the dreaded camel toe is the dismaying dampness of vaginal leakage. But was it pee or juice? It was determined that just prior to this photo, Kim received a tweet from a fan that said she looked pretty. This resulted in both an excited pee in the panties and the inevitable orgasm.

funny Sasha Baron Mercury
Queen's Brian May reveals Sacha Baron Cohen was ruled too 'distracting' to play Freddie Mercury in new biopic
My Comment: Too distracting? I think Sacha Baron Cohen is wearing too many clothes to be Freddie Mercury and he may be too gay. Also, he may be too Jewish.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Dressed to thrill! Tilda Swinton ditches demure for daring as she vamps it up in androgynous outfit at Only Lovers Left Alive NYFF premiere
My comment: Children, if this woman offers you candy, run away!  Rating ▼5

A clever Narnia call back garnered a couple of reds.

funny Kim Kardashian halloween costume as homeless poor person
Left Kanye home to babysit? Kim Kardashian has a break from motherhood to join sister Khloe and best pal Jonathan Cheban for dinner at steakhouse
My comment: I hope she only visited the salad bar. Fat, stupid and desperate for attention is no way to go through life, Kim. Unless, you want to become Honey Boo Boo's mother. Rating ▲19

It's official -- Kim Kardashian dressed in a potato sack to celebrate the end of her honeymoon with Daily Mail readers. Two months ago, if I dissed Kim, I would have gotten hundreds of red arrows.

funny Hillary Clinton Helen Mirren
Fearless London traffic warden places ticket on Hillary Clinton's Mercedes
My Comment: Hillary should have told the cop she was Helen Mirren and asked if he wanted to party!  Rating ▼1

Where's the Hillary hatred? This article got 10,000 comments. I think mine got lost in the sheer volume.

Gun Related Death Rate United States vs United Kingdon us uk
Tragic moment a 12-year-old boy shoots mother's friend dead while playing with a gun at a rifle range
My comment:  It's time to stop calling these tragic. When a kid kills someone accidently with a gun, it's because of stupid and careless parents.  Rating ▲76

This came as a total shock.  You know that standard verbage I use in the begining about the readers of The Daily Mail being the same as readers of the the New York Post?  Obviously, not true.


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