Friday, October 4, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments 10/4/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.
funny daily mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Bethenny Frankel before and after funny cosmetic surgery
Are fuller cheeks the secret to a younger-looking complexion? The new 'baby face' fillers that can fight the signs of aging
My Comment: Naturally big cheeks = pretty.
Bethenny Frankel fake cheeks and hollow, souless eyes = crypt keeper.

I know what you're thinking, I'm not really being fair to the Crypt Keeper.  Look at all that makeup Bethenny Frankel has caked on that freakish mug.

funny Bethenny Frankel before and after cosmetic surgery

Damn, they could be twins.  Bethenny Frankel and the Crypt Keeper separated at birth? Vote here.

That really is a nose job! Chinese man has new nose grown on his FOREHEAD to replace the original which was damaged in a car crash
My Comment: If I photoshop a penis on my forehead can I be in the Daily Mail?

Turns out I can.

man with penis on head funny

World's only one-armed professional DJ plays for thousands of clubbers
My Comment: Wow!  Can he sit on a couch and use a TV remote with that one arm?  I hope the next story is about the world's only one-legged guitar player.

Ouch. I must have been having a bad day at work. BTW, The Daily Mail ran a story in January 2012 about a British soldier that lost an arm in Afghanistan that was DJ-ing so I'm not sure about that "World's Only" title.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Khloe Kardashian camel toe cameltoe hot
'I can't control it': Khloe Kardashian battles dreaded camel toe…
My comment: When you're the ugliest Kardashian, showing off your prominent "nether crease" is probably a wise choice.  It distracts everyone from that butter face.  Rating ▲4

Poor Khloe!  Her husband is a crackhead, womanizing loser, and now, she's battling the dreaded camel toe.

I know you're disappointed in that Khloe Kardashian camel toe photo. You're right, I can do better. How about an extreme closeup of Khloe Kardashian's plump camel toe?

Khloe Kardashian camel toe cameltoe close up hot

Now that's a camel toe! I've pulled this cheap joke before. I'm not a camel toe guy. I'm not even a Khloe Kardashian camel toe guy.

The Camel Toe
(or Cameltoe if you're from Kentucky)
The slight indication that a woman may have
an orifice concealed under her clothing
that we all know she has.
Simon Cowell funny
Simon Cowell sports mystery graze on his forehead as he enjoys cosy dinner with pregnant Lauren Silverman
My Comment: I have a theory. Too much ego for his skull. Simon has sprung a leak. On a happier note, the wife of his best friend, that he impregnated, looks great! Rating ▲ 21

John Belushi dancing on graves
How typically hypocritical of the Left, who danced on the grave of Mrs Thatcher, to be upset about debate...
My Comment: The next time I'm in England I'd like to dance on the grave of Margaret Thatcher. How do you get to go to the parties? Special invite or can I buy them online?  Thanks. Rating ▲ 1

Worst freeking week ever! Nothing but green.  The last time I called Khloe the ugliest Kardashian I got 400 red arrows. Are they growing tired of her drama queen antics?  We have Jesus, the Brits have Simon Cowell. Can they no longer turn the other cheek when he injects his sperm into the fertile womb of his best friend's wife?  Margaret Thatcher?  Margaret Fucking Thatcher?

The world makes no sense.

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