Thursday, October 24, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments 10/24/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny daily mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart love nest
Robert Pattinson puts Twilight love nest once shared with Kristen Stewart on the market for $6.75m
My comment: I wonder if it still smells like skank. Sometimes tomato juice can help.

wussy boy in Gryffindor sweater
Schoolboy, six, nearly chokes to death in Waitrose on boiled orange sweet given to him by a member of staff
My comment: This kid is too much of a mommy's boy to eat a piece of candy?  When I was his age, I took candy from strangers all the time and always managed to swallow.

Alec Baldwin hot wife, ugly hairy legs
Hush-a-bye baby: Hilaria Baldwin soothes her precious Carmen while husband Alec gets chatty on the phone
My comment: Hilaria is a hilarious name. Sorry, had to be said.  And Alec, those are the ugliest socks I have ever seen.

He's a son of a bishop. They all are.
George is a treat, says Archbishop: Welby praises newborn Prince ahead of tomorrow's christening at the Chapel Royal
My comment: In the US, when an Archbishop calls a little boy a treat, the Cardinal starts a pedophile coverup -- but we're Catholics over here.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kim Kardashian big diamond ring
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are engaged after rapper proposes on her birthday
My comment: Nice bling. Kayne loves Kim 14.5 carats more than my dad loves my mum.  Rating ▲1

Is IMF Director Christine Lagarde attempting to win public favor with new feminine image?
My comment:  Yummy! Christine is looking good! She can stimulate my economy anyday.   Rating ▼6

Princess Kate Middleton nude
How Prince George is settling into his royal home (as imagined by Alison Jackson)
My Comment:  Can she photoshop me in the bath with Kate? I'd pay a couple of quid for that.  Rating ▲15

Apparently, I don't have to pay, I can just photoshop it myself.

Princess Kate Middleton naked with Bob Melonosky

You didn't really expect me to be in the bath with a naked Kate Middleton and a baby! The baby would get in the way of all the fun. I've been told by several lovers that my penis tastes like rich, white chocolate carefully painted with edible dye.

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