Thursday, October 10, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments 10/10/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny daily mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Khloe Lamar Kardashian funny drugs
Khloe Kardashian 'scared divorce will make husband Lamar Odom OD or commit suicide'
My comment: If Lamar kills himself, it would be a "very special" Keeping Up With the Kardashians and ratings would be great!  There must be a lot of pressure on him to do the right thing.

Sylvia van der Vaart hot bikini
Sylvie van der Vaart shows off her bronzed body in a monochrome bikini as she hits the beach with son
My comment: If my mum looked like that, I'd have had a "hard" childhood! Stunning!

funny Selena Gomez pumping gas
Selena Gomez displays her lean limbs as she pumps petrol
My comment: Is "pumping petrol" British talk for rubbing one out?  Selena's a right scrummy bit of crumpet.  She can pump the petrol from my John Thomas anytime!

While it helps to add a tight smidgen of British pishposh to your comments, dropping a major load indiscriminately will identify you as a poser and get your comment rejected immediately.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Dominic Raiola asshole
Detroit Lions player under fire for yelling slurs at marching band during game
My comment: In the U.S., football players are gods. And white football players are like Jesus Christ and Princess Diana rolled into one. NOTHING will happen to this guy.  Rating ▼14

News Update: I was right. Dominic Raiola kinda, sorta, really didn't when you think about what he actually said, apologized, and the NFL and the Detroit Lions looked the other way.

Earl of Cardigan
Earl of Cardigan, who is on benefits, faces loss of £10m estate
My comment: Can I be the Earl of Turtleneck?  Rating ▲3

Apparently, I can.  That's my honey, the Dutchess of Pleather Vests.

funny Earl of Cardigan

Khloe and The Game hot
Keeping up with her social life! Khloe Kardashian hosts a Hollywood party at a club and goes late-night bowling with The Game
My Comment: Looks like you don't have to be a basketball player to bed Khloe, you just have to wear the shirt. That girl is too easy. Some advice, respect yourself and then your husband will respect you.    Rating ▲19

American Apparel period shirt funny
Has American Apparel gone too far? Shoppers attack 'vile' and 'disturbing' T-shirt showing menstruation
My comment: Seriously, I've worn the shirt on the right to clubs (I'm a guy) and the chicks love it. A real conversation starter and an express ticket to the Old In and Out! Rating ▼6

funny Kris and Bruce Jenner divorce
Kris and Bruce Jenner confirm they have separated after 22 years of marriage... and kept 'split a secret for one year'
My comment: I wonder who will get to keep his balls after the divorce? I meant his golf balls. No I didn't. Rating ▲19

I knew if this comment got through I'd get nothing but green but I couldn't resist. Poor Bruce Jenner (not monetarily poor, just pathetic pussy/wimp/poor).  I know, I know, too obvious. But then, while watching an old Keeping Up with the Kardashians, I noticed something up on a shelf.

Could it be?  Yes, it could.

funny Bruce Jenner's missing balls divorce

Bruce Jenner's missing balls.

I apologize for the fuzziness of the image.  It was a screen capture and needed a lot of magnification. Maybe I should fire up the photoshop and try to improve the magnification.

funny Bruce Jenner's missing balls divorce

Bruce Jenner's missing balls.

I really thought Cyndy Garvey got custody of the little guys after Bruce's first divorce.

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