Monday, December 7, 2009

The Blind Side - Showing Off Sandra Bullock's Best Side

Today's guest blogger is a frequent contributor of insightful posts and unsightly stains, my dick.

Why is the The Blind Side so popular?

Let's ask my dick. My dick says "Sandra Bullock's ass." I've seen the newspaper ad for this movie probably 50 to 100 times and Sandra's ass looks better everytime.

Big Time Producer: What have you got for me, baby?
Marketing Guy: A closeup shot of Sandra Bullock smiling, with tears in her eyes, from late in the third act, black guy out of focus in the distance.
Big Time Producer: Whoa, a little airbrushing please. She has wrinkles. Gross.
Marketing Guy: Yes, Sir. Remove the hint of laugh lines. Got it.
Big Time Producer: To hell with it. Give me her ass!
Marketing Guy: Excuse me, Sir?
Big Time Producer: I want Sandra Bullock's ass right in my face. I want painted on white pants, I want ass crack, butt camel toe, whatever you kids call it, I want an ass that looks so tasty that all of America wants to eat it for Thanksgiving!!!
Marketing Guy: Yes, Sir!
Big Time Producer: And tell the art department geeks to take 3 inchs off her waist. That'll make that ass pop!
Marketing Guy: Great idea, Sir. What should we do with the black guy? Make him really small and have the yard markers point from his distant silhouette directly at Sandra Bullock's ass?
Big Time Producer: Nah, put his big fat ass right next to Sandra's delicious little ass. Black/white. Yin/yang. Beautful/ugly. It's feng shui, baby!!!

So, will I go to the movie theater to see Sandra Bullock's ass and another uplifting "What Would a Poor Black Person do Without a Kindly-Hearted White Person" biopic? No. While I would love to be able to ease my liberal guilt by spending $12 and 2 hours watching another "White People as Savior" flick and I'm obviously fascinated with Sandra Bullock's ass, I'm broke and I already have the newspaper ad of Sandra's ass. Thank you, Big Time Producer.

If you liked my dick this time, you'll love what it had to say about Patrick Swayze's untimely death or Avatar 3D or maybe the Vancouver Winter Olympics.


  1. I'd eat her for a month non-stop, just to see if her pussy stinks!

  2. Thanks for the comment!

    I believe that Sandra is once again available!

    However, there is a line forming. I have number 69 and plan on a second helping.

    I know from experience that Sandra Bullock's crotch always smells like flowers, chocolate chip cookies baking, and unicorn snatch. Yummy!


  3. I'd eat her crack out right in front of Jesse James

  4. Dear Anon,

    Thanks for the comment!

    I would join you, but not at the same time because that would be gay. Preferably, I'd go at her before you so we don't swap spit, if that's ok. Then you can go while I kiss her and stuff.

    I'll call Sandy. Are you busy Friday?


  5. I love Sandra Bullock, she's the best actress, and the movie wasn't bad enough, yet all the content was something poor as the actuation of the supporting actors. I think the movie is good but I've seen better productions, specially if we're talking about American movies with the same history; the poor guy who find a rich girl.

  6. I hate movies about football players, is the most silly sport of all times, I prefer to watch soccer instead.

  7. I would eat ice cream out of her ass crack. I'll bet her pussy smells like a ripe peach. Mmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm Gooooood!!

  8. If Sandra ever decides to stop acting, she could rent her ass crack out as a bowl.