Bob Melonosky, Star Quarterback, Half Hollow Hills High School East. 1979
That's me standing on the 50 yard line with the perky cheerleader that was assigned to me by my Offensive Coordinator, Mr. Klozoff. Her job was to make me happy for the duration of the award presentation and the after-game dinner/orgy. I think her name was Claudia DeGreco. Her dad was in salvage and she thought koala bears were cute. She was perky in three ways
I was discovered by the Offensive Coordinator in gym class because he was also the gym teacher. While playing flag football, I threw 47 successful passes to the sorriest bunch of spazzes to ever wear black socks with their Keds.
Spirals flew out of my hand like phasers from the Starship Enterprise (meaning they were incredibly accurate not that an Asian dude was pushing my button to fire said spirals). I was a natural. My performance gave Mr. Klozoff more wood than those ball boys in their disco finery.
Mr. Oliver Klozoff, Offense Coordinator
I reported to the first football practice my senior year with unfettered aspirations. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever anticipate being the starting quarterback for the Half Hollow Hills Horses. I was pretty sure the rules of football meant that the head cheerleader was going to be assigned to me for the duration of the season, maybe even my life.
Head Cheerleader, Theresa Peluso. Rumor had it that she liked it on top (which was okay by me because Coach said it would save my legs for the game).
Sadly, I discovered that I did not like it when other guys touched me. Plus the locker room antics were not to my liking. So I quit and went back to flag football where no one touches you, especially perky cheerleaders.