Slimer Sports is the exclusive retailer for every last scrap of Derek Jeter's dignity. With just a few games left in this, "The Final Season," El Capitán is selling out big-time and here at Slimer Sports we're quickly selling out of these exclusive and one-of-a-kind memorabilia.
Game worn jerseys, game worn uniforms, game worn gloves, game worn socks and now, exclusive to Slimer Sports, Derek Jeter game worn jock straps. Since the All Star break, Derek Jeter has changed his jock in-between every inning of every game and now he has graciously made them available to you. Every Derek Jeter game worn jock strap is authenticated and autographed by the Yankee Captain, Derek Jeter.
But there's more. There's always more.
For the regular guy that can't afford to lay out $4,999.99 for a jock strap, Slimer Sports is proud to announce the limited availability of dirt. For only $199.99, take home a capsule of Yankee Stadium dirt enhanced with the game salivated spit of Derek Jeter. Each capsule of authentic field dirt is sealed shut and contains a unique, MLB Hologram which can be verified online. Take home a small piece of Derek Jeter from Yankee Stadium today!
For the real Yankee fan, and by real we mean unbelievably rich and willing to pay just about anything for just about anything related to Derek Jeter, Slimer Sports has some unique Derek Jeter items that are sure to be the centerpiece of your Derek Jeter collection.
Derek Jeter has collected over 3,450 hits on the baseball field, but off the field? The numbers are staggering. The Elias Sports Bureau, based on original data and statistical extrapolation, estimates that Derek Jeter has gotten to third base with over 647,587 women. He's hit home runs with 112,327 and busted the cherries of 2,871 virgins.
The Yankee Captain Derek Jeter has developed a fine taste in wine, homes, and women. Slimer Sports is the exclusive source of Derek Jeter Celebrity Used Condoms. These condoms have adorned the sacred penis of Derek Jeter and have entered some of the most desirable vaginas of our generation, including Scarlett Johansson, Minka Kelly, Jessica Alba, and Mariah Carey.
How can you be assured that these condoms are not common Coney Island Whitefish but are in fact filled with the special seed of the greatest shortstop in New York Yankee history? Every Derek Jeter Celebrity Used Condom comes with a certificate of authentication complete with FBI DNA analysis of the material inside and out. Every condom sold by Slimer Sports comes sealed shut with a MLB hologram of authenticity.
My Favorite Real Derek Jeter Memorablia StoryFrom The New York Post Dec. 13 2011:
After breaking up with Minka Kelly, while living in Trump World Tower, Derek began sleeping with a different woman every night and sent each off the next morning with a gift basket filled with autographed memorabilia. Sounds cold but...
If you slept with Derek Jeter back in 2011 and he gave you an autographed baseball with "ROY96" scribbled on it, that's now worth $1,799.99. Not bad for just one night with Number 2.
Favorite Derek Jeter Banging Two Chicks StoryFrom The New York Post Oct. 16, 2007:
"Our spy in the lobby of the Shore Club in Miami early Sunday Morning spotted 'two scantily clad women screaming at the front desk' because they had spent the night at Jeter's penthouse and were then charged for parking."
It's good to be the captain.