Wednesday, May 19, 2010

More Wall Street Journal Humor - Weird Twin Clone War Edition

Another Post Courtesy of the Wall Street Journal - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

The Wall Street Journal has a daily cartoon called Pepper and Salt that I really, really don't like. Apparently, rich Wall Street scumbags have their own unique form of humor that is not funny. Here are cartoons from today and last week.

Sure, these cartoons are pathetically unfunny, but what's most striking about them is how much these unrelated people look alike. Are these cartoonists such lousy artists that they can only draw one kind of person? Do you think that a. bacall spent so many years trying to figure out how to draw curly hair that he forgot how to draw straight hair? I almost feel bad for the guy. All he can draw is an afro and the Wall Street Journal will not buy a cartoon with a black guy in it. He should thank Jehovah for the Jew-Fro.

DaveGrpenter might have it worse. The only kind of human he can draw is a balding, big-nosed schlump with no chin. And he can only do one kind of clothes, white pants (with strange wrinkles), white shirt, striped tie with tiny gay shoes. It's a good thing he can draw two kinds of chairs.

When you first read these cartoons you think, oh no, they're just like the cartoons in the New Yorker, I'm too stupid to understand them. But after weeks of analysis, I've come to the conclusion that we're smart enough, they just suck, and they almost never have anything to do with business, or the right wing agenda of the Wall Street Journal.

This is the part of the post where I attempt to write funnier captions. Don't forget, this is a "business" comic for Wall Street Journal readers that is officially housed in the collections of the Harvard Business School Library assuring that future generations of MBA assholes will have no sense of humor. If you are the president of a major university and want to house a collection of my work, e-mail me.

First up, twin therapy:

And the winner so far:

Now, the clone interview:

And the winner so far:

Even, Even More Wall Street Journal Humor

St. Patrick's Day, No Irish Jokes, Please
Global Warming Wine-ing
Diversity in the Workplace
Dying Polar Bears are Funny
No Child Left Behind
Dog Day Afternoon
Health Care Reform is Funny
Heaven Can't Wait
Bitter Libations
Map Folding Fun
Wall Street Journal Humor is a Bitch

Quick Note and Two Quick Drawings

Nobody pays me to draw (sadly, nobody pays me to write, either) but I figured I'd give these cartoons a try and see if I could render two people that do not look like twins.

Literally, seven minutes. Enough time to give the one guy a goatee and a sweater, recreate Edvard Munch's Scream, and draw a pretty good Snoopy.

I got a little faster the second time and I spent a whole minute needlessly drawing Rupert Murdoch.

How much does the Wall Street Journal pay these guys for this crap work? Whatever it is, it is way too much.

UPDATE 5/25/10 - Reader Submitted Captions!

All funnier than the original Wall Street Journal attempt.

Anonymous submitted two. First, short and sweet. Although, the implication that the son is twiddling his lightsaber to his mom makes me queasy. Second, classic observational humor...

If Anonymous had left a name/username/link, she would have been able to proudly show this to her grandkids and I would have plugged her good.

William Safire, or Bill to his friends, took a cheap shot at Eliot Spitzer, always a good, comedic strategy.


  1. Bobby,


    Your MBA and PhD are impressive but frankly what concerns me is that your father came home last night smelling of Eliot Spitzer.

    Because she looks like his mother and smelling like Eliot Spitzer means you've probably been up to no good.

    Note that I got rid of that incorrect comma.


  2. Bill,


    ...your father came home last night smelling of elderberries.

    How's the long game?

  3. Very funny! I loved everything I've read so far. Now I know where to go if I'm stuck for the right words. LOL

    Hey if you ever need a cartoon for anything let me know.



  4. Joe,

    It's an honor, Sir.

    Thanks for the comment!

    Your work is "amazing." Seriously, it's amazing without the quotes!!!


  5. Bobby,

    The significance of the elderberry reference escaped me.


    ...your father came home last night smelling of Karl Rove's skin fold pyoderma.

    Because when I had a bulldog I had to clean out his deep wrinkles daily to avoid infections caused by accumulated moisture, Karl Rove looks and acts like a sterotypical bulldog, and why would any part of her husband be in Karl Rove's skin folds?


  6. Bill,

    Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries...

    classic Monty Python!


    ...your father came home last night smelling of bacon and shiksas.

    Pyoderma? gross.


  7. Bobby,

    Monty Python, the most overrated collection of twits to come over from England since the redcoats of Cornwallis.


    ...your father came home last night smelling of incense and sacramental wine.

    Because a night spent partying with a bunch of priests is a good reason for concern.

    Pyoderma. Everyday, after cleaning out the wrinkles on my bulldog, I would be compelled to smell the Q-Tip. A smell unlike any other.


  8. #1)
    Hands where I can see them, please.
    Your MBA and PhD are impressive but frankly what concerns me is the fact that my phone has sprung a leak.

  9. Dear Anonymous,

    Thanks for your comment!

    You inspiredme to create a couple more cartoon that included your captions.


  10. Bobby,

    Thanks for throwing me a bone.