Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Glory Days - Freedom Fries and Hot, Leggy Blondes in High Heels

I was cleaning off my desk at home when I found an old copy of the Russia Journal. I appeared in an article with Maureen Dowd about the funniness of freedom fries. It's the second time I have crossed paths with Ms. Dowd. Remember when I bitched about the time at National Lampoon when her lame Santa Claus bit bumped my killer Bush bit ruining Christmas for everyone expecting a present from me. No? That post is called Maureen Dowd's cameltoe.

The main point of the Russia Journal article is how I was much funnier than some guy named Ivan Eland, a writer for American Prospect.




The best part of the article is that when they referred to my site they got the name wrong. They called it unclemelon.org. Everyone knows that my site is called unclemelon.com. UncleMelon.org is the website for an organization that raises money for old guys with gigantism of the testes.

When they used the wrong name, I lost out on all the traffic I would have gotten from the massive readership of the Russia Journal. Think of all the oligarch hating Russians that prefer their news in English that I missed out on. One of those guys was a fan that actually e-mailed me about the article which is how I found about it.


My bit makes fun of the fact that the stupid congress went after only the French and only fries. You can read it here. The real suporters of Freedom Fries were Bob "Mayor of Capitol Hill" Ney and Jimmy "No Prostate" Saxton. Ney is now a convicted felon and spends his days lowering his handicap at Federal Correctional Institute, Morgantown, West Virginia. Saxton is still protecting us from the French from his recliner somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. I ended up marrying the beautiful Mandy Pepperidge and becoming a U.S. senator. Yea, me!


Besides actual laughs, my bit also had something nobody else had, a hot French freedom maid with a french freedom fry between her legs. Back in the day, I used to have to come up with a hot babe tease or nobody ever visited the bit. Oh wait, I still have to do that.



This image not only got casual readers to visit a political bit void of sex, it also made unclemelon.com extremely popular with microphiliacs worldwide. If microphilia is not a fetish that you are familiar with, it's when you have a sexual attraction to little people. And by little, I'm not talking about the everyday regular guy desire to munch on a Munchkin, I'm talking REALLY little like a 3-inch tall, leggy blonde in high heels.

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