Sorry Folks, But I Have Never Been to Zagreb

A couple of days ago I spoofed a New York Times travel article that recommended spending a weekend in Zagreb, Croatia. Even if you're stinking rich and bored out of your mothereffing mind, are you really going to spend all that money to waste 36 hours in Zagreb, Croatia? The best the Times writer could come up with was eating watermelon and getting drunk. I mean come on. I don't have to get off the couch to partake in those particular threads of life's rich tapestry. Here's the spoof or you could scroll down.

Funny thing is that a crappy travel website reposted my bit and treated it like it was a real guide. Their automated robot even slapped some actual photos of Croatia under it.

So, for all you intrepid but clueless travellers visiting my blog in search of the very best way to experience a few hours in Zagreb, here is an errata sheet of sorts:

The big cathedral is not called the Cathedral of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary on the Rocks

There is no Croatian cocktail called a Fuzzy Liverwurst.

Frog and Eel Stew, real. Snail and Snot Omelete, not real.

Zagreb is apparently full of leggy, high-heeled blondes but they do not participate in a saturday morning porn ritual called SpiXXXa.

A Stalin Burger is NOT made with ground up Serbian infants nor does it necessarily exist.

If you really want tips on traveling to Croatia, go to the actual New York Times article. If you want funny stuff that is fun, stay here. If you're dumb, don't trust anything you see on the internet.