Bristol Palin's Heaving Breasts and More Snarky Comments

Because this blog has turned into GetYourselfOffUsingBristolPalinPhotos.com, more of the Dancing Queen (not the gay guy, Bristol).

Random Rude Remarks with photos from last night's performance on DWTS.

There is no truth to the rumor that Bristol Palin made it to the finals by eating the other contestants. (FYI, those are her heaving breasts)

Finally, Bristol has flattering prom photos where she doesn't look 6 months pregnant.

Her partner tried to explain to her that musical chairs was not a style of dance popular in pre-war Berlin, but Bristol always knows better.


And now a cheap shot at her mother, Sarah Palin. This is Sarah Palin's actual prom photo.

I have to admit that I'm pretty disappointed. Sarah is not all that. She looks like the chubby wannabe loser in Saturday Night Fever that John Travolta boinks in the backseat and then dumps off the Verrazano Bridge. Believe me, Sarah would not win any beauty pageants in Brooklyn. And that cheap date didn't even buy her a corsage. No wonder she ended up with Todd.

This concludes today's Bristol Palin update. Thanks for coming.

More Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin's Camel Toe - what happens when too tight pants meet too large labia majora.
Bristol Palin's Camel Toes - see above only plural.
Bristol Palin in a Monkey Suit - see above only furrier.
Friday Fotoshop Funnies: Bristol Palin Shakes her ... - ass.
Bristol Palin or Rare Pink Hippo? - you decide.
Bristol Palin, Modest or Sexy? - rare photo of Bristol after she's been ridden hard and put away wet.
I Wouldn't Fuck Bristol Palin with Ann Coulter's Dick! - Bristol goes to a tea party wearing $13,000 earrings.

Bristol Palin's Camel Toe

Bristol Palin's Camel Toe (or cameltoe if you live in Kentucky), what's all the ruckus? As you can clearly see from this screen capture, I've been getting a ton* of visitors looking for Bristol Palin camel toe. The only Bristol Palin bodyparts that are getting more attention are Bristol Palin legs and Bristol Palin breasts.



Why are masses of horny, one-handed surfers landing on my beach? Google. I'm number 3 for Bristol Palin camel toe. Yeah, my mom is proud.




While I have her legs displayed prominently in various posts so I can make fun of them, and her breasts (completely obscured by clothing) have been known to hang around here, there have not been any camel toes belonging to Bristol Palin on this blog, until now. I always aim to please my anonymous, dick-holding fans. This toe is for you!

Here she comes, walking down the street.

In too tight pants, licking a frozen treat. Hey, hey its Bristol Palin.

Come closer, Bristol. Closer. Pay no attention to the camera I have duct taped to my shoe.

Got it. Time to zoom in.

Sweet merciful crap, that's a beautiful camel toe. Are you sure that you wouldn't rather have a nice photo of Britol Palin's beer gut? I'm going to have to use photoshop to enhance the toe. It's there, it's just hard to see. Give me a few minutes.

Yummy.

I'd rather have the frozen yogurt. What is it with you guys and your camel toes? Breasts, I understand. Legs, I like the legs. A juicy, bouncy butt rippling and jiggling with every move that she makes. Duh. A cute face, a beautiful face, nice shiny hair? Yes. Yes. Yes. Even a big sloppy, puffy vag stuck in my face, I can get with that program. But a camel toe - the slight indication that a woman may have an orifice concealed under clothing that we all know she has. It don't yank my chain.

*Ton is relative. Maybe a kilo of visitors would be more accurate.

Bristol Palin's Camel Toes - An Update

Now we know why Bristol dances like shit.

Seriously, her mother should shoot a camel and make slippers out of those bad boys. They look warm and snuggly.

Does anyone know why camel feet have that weird hole in the front?

Big thanks to regular contributor William Safire for suggesting this update in his comments!

Bristol Palin in a Monkey Suit

I woke up this morning to find that I was popular! Not as popular as a 42 year old born-again virgin that hasn't jilled off in 20 years is in Delaware. But I ain't bad. Overnight, 40 of you visited my humble blog looking for Bristol Palin in a monkey suit. There you go sweet readers! I always aim to please.
I think Bristol is wearing the pink tutu and the big bow but you never know. Would have been funny if the "girl" gorilla ripped off her costume to reveal, Mark Ballas -- but my gut tells me that would have been too edgy.

Bristol Palin is looking all tan and delicious (like a plump, juicy, glistening, golden brown turkey). I think she's enjoying the California lifestyle. More practice, less lounging by the pool, Bristol! Or your fat ass is going back north to all that ice and snow! Seriously, how is Sarah ever going to get her back home to the frozen tundra?*

Why did so many visitors desperate to see Bristol Palin in a monkey suit end up here where before this post there was no Bristol Palin in a monkey suit?

Google!
Type in "Bristol Palin monkey" and I was number 9 and number 10. Not too shabby!

Now that I actually wrote a bit about Bristol Palin in a monkey suit, I'm sure I'll plummet in the standings.

*TMZ is reporting that Sarah Palin has booked her daughter Bristol on the 4th season of the Flavor of Love. Bristol is promising to be both modest and competitive.

DWTS - Bristol Palin, Modest or Sexy?

Bristol Palin, Paid Teen Abstinence Advocate, is a contestant on Dancing With the Stars and is doing her darndest to stay modest. That's Bristol down there lying prone on the floor, awash in pink light, her hair artfully arranged by a team of grips and bestboys.

Let's go over the definition of modest, shall we? These Shaker Sisters are my idea of modest.

Not only are these gals going to remain abstinent, so are any men that accidently gaze upon them. I'm even willing to bet big money that when these sisters get together to can pickles, not a one goes a missing. I think that's Christine O'Donnell all the way to the right.
Bristol looks less modest by comparison.

Now, if I was a total dick looking for a cheap laugh, I would slap some Candie's Foundation abstinence propaganda on that pink porno Bristol Palin photo and see how it looks.

Never let it be said that I am unwilling to go for a cheap laugh or that I'm not a total dick.

But Bristol's mom, Sarah would say that we're looking at her daughter with corrupt and evil, East Coast media ivy league bias not heartland, middle America righteous stuff. What do the good people of the prairie see when they look at this image?

Jesus Christ! Really? Damn, I am evil, I live on the East Coast and I get poison ivy all the time. I guess Bristol Palin is modest.


Wait, just one Iowa cornhusking minute! Even the most righteous Idaho Mormons have to admit that Bristol looks like she just dragged herself out of a damp bed after a good pounding. Her outfit and her after-sex hairdo is so sexy, it makes the dancer dude look straight. I don't think the good Sisters of New Lebanon would approve but my dick sure does.

Bristol Palin, modest or sexy?

Friday Fotoshop Funnies: Bristol Palin Shakes her Money Maker!

HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - Bristol Palin appeared as a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars" dressed like a frontier floozy. Her partner, Mark Ballas, dressed like a busboy.






Bristol Palin looks like she could be standing on a corner in Anchorage. "What's that biatch? Only $40? You shittin' me? With all those Russian ships in port? Tomorrow night you wearing black leggings or I cut you like a codfish." Those legs look like they should be holding up a dock in Homer, Alaska or maybe telephone lines.

Okay, I'm a lazy sonofabitch. Can you be more funny?
Any balloon is acceptable. Gay guy thinking.
Bristol thinking, (rimshot, please), gay guy
screaming as that leg causes a hernia
to pop through his abdominal wall.
Leave a comment or e-mail me.


Kenneth Boyer of St. Louis is even lazier than me.


WayneRedGarret11 sent in another gay
obsessed caption. It does look like the guy
is hoping to get a whiff of Levi's cologne.
I believe that Levi wears Musk. Not cologne,
the actual musk from a muskox.

Richard Hebner of Boston hits one deep, it's high,
it's far, it's gone!


DavidWrightWinger goes all sweet and innocent.

Finally someone gets political.
Thanks Michael Phillips from Beaumont, Texas.

I just noticed I mispelled gardener because
HubieB7 misspelled it in his e-mail.
Crap! It's a royal pain in the ass because
I have to redo the whole thing in photoshop
because I was too lazy to save it as a separate layer.

I'm guessing that KK Chapman of Cali
was figuring that you'd have to lift Limbaugh's massive gut
to gain access to his pecker.

More Friday Fotoshop Funnies Fun
Sarah Palin, Naughty Monkey Woman
Sarah Palin Goes Old School
Sarah Palin and Another Baby
Bristol Palin and Levi Getting Married
Flat Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin and Henry Kissinger in Love

Can't Get Enough of this Crap?
During the last election I created the site AndtheOtherisaDog.com (voted by Moveon.org as the leftist comedy site most likely to be mispelled).

Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars: Exclusive Photos!

Bristol Palin dancing with her partner Mark Ballas on Dancing with the Stars!

Bristol and Mark posing for a publicity still.

Rare pink hippo found in Kenya.

Don't bother with the hate mail. First, I have better legs than Bristol Palin and I've got massive calves from playing hockey my whole life. What I also have are these two, cute little body parts called ankles. Bristol, buy yourself a pair of ankles with your new found wealth.

Second, Sarah Palin thinks the media is unfair to her family but her daughter Bristol is a Paris Hilton wannabe. They're both media whores as long as the pimp is Rupert Murdoch. Hey Bristol, wanna be just like Paris Hilton? I reckin' ya better start snortin' the cocaine or give anorexia a try.

Third, that pink hippo in the movie was a pretty good dancer. If Bristol can learn to dance like that pink hippo, she might win. So, this post is actually complimentary.