Glory Days - Books I Writed - Part 1

I found these in a box in my mom's attic. Before this blog, before National Lampoon, before Uncle Melon -- I used to be a real writer.

Starfleet Commanders Kick Ass, c. 1984 - This sold well but then I had to give all the money to Gene Roddenberry's estate.

Golf With Grandpa, 1991 -- The New York Times Book Review said, and I quote, "There's A River Runs Through It, Tuesdays with Morrie, and then there's this piece of..." Pretty high praise for yours truly. I didn't have to give any of the money back. It's still in an old pair of jeans.

My Penis Your Destination, 1992 - Arnold Schwartznegger was going to option it but then he didn't.