Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How TBS Turned Harold and Kumar Gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)

kenneth park scene harold and kumar go to white castleLast weekend while trolling for something to watch during the commercials of the football games, I found Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle on TBS. Touchdown!

Even better, Sophie sitting on the couch with me had never seen it. Problem is that the movie was so edited down that it became unintentionally funny and downright stupid.

When I flipped it on, the boys are at Princeton, a funny scene with Kenneth Park, Class of 2004 that stayed funny despite TBS' best efforts.

Christy and Clarissa's brilliant performance ended up on the TBS cutting room floorThen we get to meet Christy and Clarissa, the hot, stuck-up, British preppie chicks that want to party. They invite Kumar up to their room to smoke some weed! The pink one is carrying a Mr. Taco bag so it looks like they're planning on providing munchies of all sorts.

That's the last we see of Christy and Clarissa. When the boys hide in the woman's room from the cops, the girls never show up. We cut straight to the Asian Student Party.
batleshits a no go on TBSTBS didn't even show them preening at the mirror.
Let's admit it, in real life even explosive diarrhea would not keep me from diving face first into these pantiesBattleshits was a no go.
The three of us could all go into the dorm showers and thoroughly clean each others posteriors before jumping into a big naked yuppy pileAt the Asian party, the boys watch the dance floor through a window and its obvious that they are loving everything they see. When we finally get to watch the party, TBS cuts out the hot, topless Asian chick and every other Asian with a vagina. The only boobs we see are attached to a topless, Kenneth Park, Class of 2004, dancing like its 1999.

Cut to Harold and Kumar looking like naked Kenneth Park is the hottest fucking thing ever. "Dude, we so should have gone to this party!"

Cops show up. Good bye Princeton.

Sophie turns to me and asks, "Are Harold and Kumar gay?"

Biggest laugh of the night. Not only did a chubby, naked, Korean dork turn Harold and Kumar on, they never bothered to go looking for the hot British twins.

Why This Saddens Me (after I laughed my ass off)

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle is in my personal Comedy Hall of Fame. And my Hall of Fame is not like the Baseball Hall of Slightly Better than Average. My Hall of Fame has five members and not a Bert Blyleven among them. In chronological order:

Blazing Saddles
Something About Mary
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.
40 Year Old Virgin

That's your Ty Cobb, Babe Ruth, Christy Mathewson, Honus Wagner and Walter Johnson of Movie Comedies.

You do not mess with the classics!!! I left a message with Martin Scorsese and is he going to be pissed.

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