Thursday, December 5, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 12/5/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny Daily Mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

funny Sarah Palin shit mouth
Martin Bashir suggests someone should 's**t' in Palin's mouth
My Comment:  Funny thing, if you paid her enough, she would do it -- with that big s**t-eating smile.
Remember, Sarah Palin got her customary  $100,000 speaking fee to appear at a Veteran's Day event. Can Sarah spell ho?
funny Kardashian Christmas card
Peekaboo! Kim Kardashian showcases her famous figure in a very revealing cut-out dress for the family's annual Christmas card
My Comment:  Kim's famously photoshopped figure!  Check out her waist, totally fake!
funny Kim Kardashian photoshop fail

No wonder Kayne paid the guy 2.5 million bucks for this year's Kim Kardashian Khristmas Kard.  It ain't easy making that figure look fabulous.

Katherine Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Twins
They could be Twins! Maria Shriver and daughter Katherine Schwarzenegger look like siblings as they go on shopping spree
My Comment:  Twins?  I guess Maria could be a weird, skeletal, horror show, mutant twin that grows out of her daughter's back and eventually takes control of the daughter's body.

Katherine Schwarzenegger hot bikini

Accepted Comments
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Lindsay Lohan suing Grand Theft Auto V
Spot the difference? Lindsay Lohan 'suing the makers of Grand Theft V for using her likeness in the game without permission'
My Comment:  If Lindsay Lohan actually looked like the woman in the game, she wouldn't have to spend her weekends "escorting" Arab sheiks. Look in a mirror, Lindsay! . Rating ▲0

funny Lindsay Lohan suing Grand Theft Auto V

Oh wait, Lindsay Lohan is upset about that cartoon image?  Girl might win the lawsuit.

'They think I don't realize my power!' Kanye West calls on fans to boycott Louis Vuitton after snub... as he praises Kardashians' interracial relationships
My Comment:  He's got the power! Kayne will pull out his mighty sword, jump on his loyal battle hippopotamus, and storm the gates of those fancy French puftas. Oh wait, that's not a battle hippo, it's Kim Kardashian! Louis Vuitton must be shaking in his house dress.  . Rating ▲47

'The Angel of 9/11': Haunting face appears in mangled girder taken from EXACT spot where first plane smashed into Twin Towers
My Comment:  Not an angel. It looks just like an Ewok from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Probably a commercial tie-in. If you look closely down near the bottom, you can clearly see Mayor McCheese and Ronald McDonald.    Rating ▲2

Okay, I admit that Ronald McDonald and Mayor McCheese were for laughs but I can make a pretty compelling argument for "The Ewok of 9-11."

Angel or Ewok, you decide.

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