Piano Man - The Ballad of Big Ben Roethlisberger

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's a hot chick sitting next to me
Makin' love to her tonic and gin

She says, "Sir, can you stop staring at me
I'm not really sure who you are
But you're sad and you're dumb and don't seem like fun
And I could care less 'bout the cost of your car."

La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
Make a great play, you're the quarterback
Make a great play tonight
And we'll all forget what a shit you are
Cause you've got us feelin' alright

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He slips roofies in their drinks for free
And he's quick with a lie or a solid alibi
When there's someplace you're not supposed to be

He says, "Ben, I believe you've gone too far."
As my fist crushed the nose on her face
"I'll bury her out back cuz you're an NFL star
You better get out of this place"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Now Paula's a real estate novelist
Who cares if she's somebody's wife
Sheila was with Davy, who served in the Navy
I did her while he protected my life

And the waitress is crying uncontrollably
As my victims all slowly get stoned
My bodyguards have to drag her into a stall
Because I can't fuck a bitch on my own

Chorus:
Make a great play, you're the quarterback
Make a great play tonight
And we'll all forget what a shit you are
Cause you've got us feelin' alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
'Cause he knows I get to stick one with my dick
For a grand he'll forget about it all in awhile

And her screams, they sound like a B-movie star's
And my cock it smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and pretend they can't hear
And say, "Ben, did you gape that sweet rear?"

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
Make a great play, you're the quarterback
Make a great play tonight
And we'll all forget what a shit you are
Cause you've got us feelin' alright