Alabama's Own Statue of Liberty

Alabama has its own Statue of Liberty. It's in Birmingham. Not a gift from France but from the founder of the Liberty National Life Insurance Company -- which makes it better than the Yankee one. It's also better because it's smaller. You can take dramatic photos of it being dwarfed by the American flag. You can not do this with the Yankee statue unless you built a flagpole that was a mile long and took a photo from a helicopter.

Secret Agent Maxwell Smart, upon seeing the Birmingham statue said, "That's the second biggest Statue of Libery I've ever seen." And he was right.

Sadly, the Tea Party held a good old fashioned Statue Toppling and Book Burning yesterday.

The Daughters of the Confederacy provided refreshments. Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann, the candidate with the highest rating with respect to immigration (NumbersUSA gave her an Excellent for "Oppose Amnesty" and a full KKK rating for "Hatred/Racist") was in attendance. Though she was busy firing an automatic weapon into the air, she was kind enough to give us a quote, "About darn time, I don't know who I hate more the Mexicans, the French or them New York, edumacated women that think they're better than me."

Here's the inscription from Alabama's Statue of Liberty.

Is Chris Christie Too Fat to be President?

The pundits at Fox News are claiming that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is too fat to be President of the United States.

Can a really fat guy be President of the United States? I dunno, let's ask former President William Howard Taft...




Oh wait, he's too busy enjoying his retirement.


What' so terrible about a really fat guy being president? Bill O'Reilly says that Governor Christie is weak and lacking in discipline.


Governor Christie disagreed... until I offered him an Oreo cookie -- then he agreed to agree. For two Oreo cookies he fixed a couple of parking tickets and gave me a free helicopter ride. For a Mallomar, he said I could have his wife, Snooki and Joe Piscopo for a few hours while he ate dinner. Sadly, I did not have a Mallomar.

Fat and skinny had a race
Fat fell down and broke his face
Skinny basically reneged on every campaign promise and has turned out to be either the biggest, ineffectual pussy since Jimmy Carter or more conservative than Hillary Clinton and I can't believe all the time I wasted working for that lying skinny-ass douchebag.

In conclusion, is Chris Christie too fat to be president? No, but he is too much of a rightwing nutjob elitist scumbag that has fucked over every decent person in New Jersey that isn't a fucking multi-millionaire. And he still has two more years...

UPDATE

Make that 4 more years.  Chris Christie is the new George W. Bush.  He effortlessly fakes that he is a regular guy when he is the farthest thing from it.  He is an elitist scumbag but he is very, very charming on camera. 

Be frightened people.  All he needs is a Karl Rove and he will fuck us all over with a smirk and another slice of pie.