Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Eva Longoria Dating Mark Sanchez: The Doctor is In

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Gorgeous Eva Longoria is dating hunky Mark Sanchez! Yes, it is time for more hard-hitting sports journalism from the staff at PoundTheBudweiser. Is Eva dating Mark or is she really dating the pool boy from Desperate Housewives? That's not Mark up there with Eva looking stage right with concern and foreboding. It's Jesse Metcalfe! The hot pool boy slash boy toy that Eva's character Gabby was tearing up throughout the early years of the show.

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That's Mark Sanchez looking stage right with concern and foreboding as his football career gets sacked by a head coach so clueless about offense that I'm personally offended.

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I'm no psychologist but lie down on my couch Dr. Freud and grab some tissues!  Without the bikini wax those boy toys are fricking identical. Do you think that Mark has to do some roleplaying in order to get Gabby , I mean Eva, all hot and juicy?  If I gained a few pounds and grew some facial hair, I could pass for a pasty Carlos. Do you think I could score some smouldering, Eva Longoria guilt sex?

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I know what you're thinking, who cares if Eva Longoria is secretly wishing she was banging Jesse Metcalfe when she's banging Mark Sanchez, you just admitted that you watch Desperate Housewives -- which is gayer than watching Tim Tebow running shirtless in the rain. Hold on there friend. I wore out my Eva Longoria FHM Wet Dream issue from October 2004. Night after night and twice on Saturdays, I rode that magazine hard and put it away wet.
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And that video of Eva kissing the pool boy's boo boo? You know the one. It was a top ten youtube video for three years running on my laptop when that laptop was in the bathroom in my apartment. That video is still a go to cork popper when it's 1 AM and I have to get up for work in four hours.

Tim Tebow Obsession = Gay
Eva Longoria Obsession = Not Gay

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