Wednesday, November 20, 2013

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 11/20/13

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny Daily Mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Karlie Kloss underboob
Karlie Kloss shows some underboob at Victoria's Secret Afterparty
My comment: Underboob is my second most favorite part of a boob. Karlie's underboobs are kaptivating!

Underboob.  Klassic.  Unfamiliar with the favored terminology of Britain's venerable Royal Society of Medicine?  Here's a quick lesson.

Royal Academy of Medicine anatomy diagram boobs Karlie Kloss

The thoracic region is my second most favorite region of the female body.  Here's an anatomical diagram of my favorite region.

hot models kissing camel toe Karlie Kloss Toni Garrn

Jessica Simpson funny chicken of the sea
Mamma mia! Jessica Simpson shows off fantastic post baby body
My Comment: What about that massive body looks fantastic? She looks like she swallowed a zebra! Do you guys look at the photos before you write this stuff?


Which one is the fat zebra and which one is the fat ______?  What is Jessica Simpson exactly?  I forget. Let's go with fat blonde.

Jessica Simpson fat funny

Can you find Jessica Simpson in this Serengeti landscape?  It's like Finding Waldo, look for the stripes.  Jessica, never the brightest ass in the herd, has made a fashion faux pas with her choice of a massive black handbag.  A hungry hyena will no doubt separate her from the safety of her fellow zebras and eat her for lunch.  She will be a big meal.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kate Moss the Playboy Bunny: First glimpse of supermodel on her dare-to-bare 40th birthday shoot
My comment: In the olden days, real Playboy Bunnies were required to have boobs.    Rating ▲2

Like what you see, Taylor? Miss Swift admires cleavage at Victoria's Secret Fashion Show... before getting a cheeky pat on the bottom herself
My comment:  Maybe Taylor should try a woman. She has had terrible luck with men.  Rating ▲24

Sam Champion junk in his trunks
Is it a major heat wave? Topless Good Morning America weatherman Sam Champion enjoys sun-soaked Rio honeymoon with Brazilian husband
My Comment:  Looks like there's a growing high pressure system is his Speedos.  Sam looks great for 52.  Rating ▲161

Quite the welcoming party! Justin Bieber's private jet searched by custom officials after arriving home to U.S.
My comment:  Disgusting! George W. Bush and Dick Cheney snort coke in the White House yet these Federal bozos mistreat my boy Justin because he's Canadian. Beibeliever 4ever!  Rating ▼1

I know.  One fricking down arrow. Why?  I have a theory.  In order to click on the red arrow, a visitor has to see the comment.  This comment took at least 12 hours to show up on the homepage and by that time there were several newer Justin Beiber stories on the site.  You wouldn't think it but people like Justin and Kim and every reality star on a Fox show do newsworthy things every few minutes.

Glee mini-me! Lea Michele posts Instagram shots of herself and Fox show co-stars with their Muppet lookalikes
My Comment:   It's funny that the only Glee Muppet with legs is the guy whose legs don't work.   Rating ▲5

On a normal website making fun of a diabled kid would garner a negative response.  God bless The Daily Mail.

An entire Rejected Daily Mail Comment post and nothing on the Kardashians?  Say it ain't so.  It ain't so. Here are three cheap shots that got through but aren't worth individual photos.


Fuller-faced Rob Kardashian battles the bulge as he steps out in a not-so-slimming black ensemble
My Comment:  Kim might be fatter.  Do you look at the photos before you write this stuff?  Rating ▲0

Kim Kardashian squeezes her most famous asset into a VERY tight, sheer pencil skirt for a trip to her cosmetic treatment center
My comment:  That skirt must be made out of the same stuff as Superman's suit. Talk about some serious tension and some serious lack of fashion common sense.  Rating ▲13

Kim Kardashian 'pulled over for speeding by police' on busy LA freeway... and the incident causes 'traffic chaos'
My Comment:  Kim Kardashian passed a driver's test? Unbelievable. Isn't reading required?  Rating ▲1

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