This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 4/16/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

They can't keep their hands off each other! Kate and Wills show they're very much in love with tactile displays of affection
My Comment:  Back at Oxford, when I was dating Kate,  we used to show our love with projectile relays of infection.  Good times.

When Kate used to pat my shoulder firmly, I'd shiver with anticipation and have warm memories of my old rugby coach, Mr. Tully.

Jake Gyllenhaal's ex Emily DiDonato displays her curvaceous figure in several sexy outfits on the beach 
My Comment:  Wow, Emily looks gorgeous!  I'd Fap all over that Island.  Oops, I just did.

Kim Kardashian wants an eye-popping booty that everyone notices 
My Comment:  If she grew a tail, her posterior would be worshiped as a monkey-god in India.

Heidi Klum, 40, goes topless while frolicking with her 27-year-old toyboy lover Vito
My Comment: A chubby, flabby boy toy?  Where do I apply for the job?

Kim Kardashian lands on her ample derriere after taking a tumble
My Comment:  Kim is supposed to look like Audrey Hepburn? It looks like she ate Audrey Hepburn for breakfast, with a side of bacon.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kim Kardashian reveals new short hair while shopping in Paris
My Comment:  Kim looks like one of the guys from Tron except she's too fat to ride a Light Cycle.  Rating ▲1

Billionaire Howard Lutnick sues Southampton zoning boards and MEMBERS for $56m because they reject his plans to build a basketball court
My Comment:  If he doesn't like it, he should take his billions and move to Russia. Good riddance. Real men play basketball at public playgrounds. Another rich wimp.  Rating ▼54

I'd love to ball with this 1%er pussy.  He's bald like Michael but he looks soft, and white, like a kitten's belly.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time Woody Harrelson showed up at our court at the 14th St. Y over on First Avenue.  Woody didn't have much game -- but the weed?   SportsCenter highlight worthy.

Indian boy with a tail worshipped as a monkey-like god
My Comment:   A heartwarming story. The Indians have always been an accepting and tolerant people, willing to caste off their differences and embrace everyone without prejudice. Rating ▼152

Wasn't sure why this comment was getting so much negative response -- until I saw the comments on my comment.  The sarcasm was lost and anti-Indianism was carrying the vote.  I'll take the ▼152 anyway I can.  BTW, there was an Indian monkey-god with a tail story a few weeks ago, submitted same comment, didn't get through.

'It hurts my feelings': Kylie Jenner, 16, slams plastic surgery claims branding them 'insulting'
My Comment:  Don't go under the knife, if you can't take the strife. -- Emily Dickinson  Rating ▲56

Without the Kardashians, The Daily Mail would be just two pages of monkey tail stories.