This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 4/11/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

'There have been a lot of people since me!' Nick Cannon disses Kim Kardashian as he reminds the world he once slept with her
My Comment:  Sleeping with Kim Kardashian is like farting in an elevator, every guy has done it, we just don't admit to it.

When I wrote this joke last week, it was about how kissing Tara Reid was like farting in an elevator.  I'm going to milk this baby like North milks mama. 

Ivanka Trump takes adorable Arabella through her morning yoga routine
My Comment:  I could "down dog pose" with Ivanka all day.  You know, because I really like yoga.

Coming soon… another self-indulgent video: Bikini-clad Kim Kardashian flips her wet hair in a raunchy tease
My Comment: Free Willy!!!  Whales should not be kept in captivity.  Sad.  #Blackfish

'What am I gonna do without him?' Miley Cyrus is inconsolable after beloved dog Floyd dies while she's away on tour
My Comment:   Can you imagine the horrible, horrible things that dog had to watch?  Poor dear probably killed himself.

Seriously, doesn't it look like the dog is afraid he'll get herpes?

Miley Cyrus goes topless and straddles a horse statue while holding a blunt in leaked new single cover
My Comment:  Never before has so much been made of so little.  Hope they hosed down that horse when they were done.

Yes, my bum looks big in this! Kim Kardashian reveals her inflated posterior in a tiny bikini as she poses for beach shoot
My Comment:  Hey girls, Never go to the beach without your towel, sunscreen and photoshop.

See that fake looking gap between her left arm and her hip?  Photoshop.  Luckily, I have an old friend at the American Embassy in Thailand and she was able to send me the unaltered photo.

Kim Kardashian's butt before photoshop.  Yummy!

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

She wants to look her best for the wedding photos': Kim Kardashian determined to shed another 5lbs for Kanye nuptials
My Comment:  I think you left off a 0. She must want to lose 50 pounds before the wedding.  Rating ▲35

I'm not usually a fat joke guy but the Kardashians are unbelievable. Rich liars are some of my least favorite people.

The Daily Mail - All the Kardashian News That's Fit to Print.