Friday, March 28, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 3/28/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin consciously uncoupling funny
What is conscious uncoupling? Don't call it a divorce. The teachings behind Gwyneth Paltrow's New Age separation from Chris Martin
My Comment:  You know what's funny?  I've unconsciously coupled with both of them on separate occasions.   We all used to pass out a lot at parties.

Kim Kardashian pee on Kayne West R. Kelly funny
'North peed on him!' Kim Kardashian reveals Kanye West was victim of unfortunate accident during Vogue cover feature photo shoot
My Comment:  R. Kelly would pay good money for that!  I think we found Baby North's future career.

Kim Kardashian breastfeeding funny
Shirtless Kanye West cradles cherubic baby North as inside shots of Kim Kardashian's Vogue shoot are revealed
My Comment:  When do we get to see a shirtless Kim with Baby North snuggling against her massive fake boobs?  Maybe the cover of Hustler?  They should hire me as their PR person.

Scarlett Johansson one big boob funny
Scarlett Johansson wears red to the Captain America: The Winter Soldier UK premiere… but there’s no sign of her baby bump yet
My Comment:   These celebrity chicks tell everyone they're pregnant while the sperm are still making their way up the fallopian tube.  More importantly, why is Scarlett's pushup bra only pushing up the right one?

Scarlett Johansson boob slip funny

It looks like the under-wire in the left cup had a major design fail from excessive stress.  This concludes the structural engineering portion of the broadcast.

'I've kissed Tom Brady': Tara Reid reveals she once had a surprise fling with Gisele's quarterback husband
My Comment:   Kissing Tara Reid is like farting in an elevator, every guy has done it --  we'll just never admit it.

If you can look past Tara's incredibly inviting hangers and her incredibly uninviting stretch marks, there's a whole lot of sumpin' happening in her crotch.  Camel toe? More like the whole foot.

Tara Reid cameltoe camel toe

Camel foot?  More like a camel vagina, actually.  Did you know that in northern Australia a camel toe is called a Wanda?  See that W up there?  That's why.  This concludes the etymological portion of the broadcast.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

funny Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian pushes baby North through airport in high heels and skin-tight dress on way to Korea... 
My Comment:  "Korea is the best kountry kause it starts with a K." -- Kim Kardashian, probably. 
Rating ▲14

Kendall Jenner butt ass
Not a rip-roaring success: Kendall Jenner flashes more than intended in stonewashed jeans with a tear across her bottom
My Comment:  That's a ripping good bum.  Rating ▲3

Do you think that when Kim looks in the mirror she sees Kendall's body with a gigantic pair of fake boobs? This concludes the cheap  psychoanalysis portion of the broadcast.

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