Thursday, March 6, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 3/7/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Matthew McConaughey hot wife Camila Alves
‘Let’s make another baby!’: Matthew McConaughey tells wife Camila Alves he wants another child after Oscars win
My Comment:  When they make a new baby will his dad be watching in his underwear while holding a can of Miller Lite?

Because the whole idea of dead relatives watching us from heaven is creepy.

Kim Kardashian annoying escort
Kim Kardashian 'flees Vienna Ball after man in black face mimics Kanye West'... as date who paid her $500k complains she's 'annoying' 
My Comment:  Being annoying and having sex with rich men is what Kim Kardashian does -- it is her reason for being.  If he didn't "get lucky," he should get his money back.

Kim Kardashian escort ad funny

If I paid an "escort" $500,000 for a night of fun, I wouldn't expect a happy ending, I'd expect three happy endings and a AVN Award winning video for best male performance with a Kardashian.

New father Simon Cowell and Lauren Silverman go helmet free to zip around Miami on scooters
My Comment: She looks terrified but she knows that if she leaves his side to spend time with the baby, Simon will impregnate one of her close friends.  Then she's old news.

It's starting to piss me off that I can't get a "Simon Cowell impregnating a friend" comment through. The guy did impregnate the wife of his best friend.  The Daily Mail considers it newsworthy. Let my comments go...

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Nina Agdal bikini hot
Supermodel Nina Agdal shows off her flawless figure in multi-coloured bikini for new campaign
My Comment:  She looks more like a SlightlyBetterThanAveragemodel.  Rating ▲48

Back in my day, if you wanted to be called a supermodel, you had to have super powers. Cheryl Tiegs had gravity defying breasts. Christie Brinkley often had sex with Billy Joel without throwing up. And Carol Alt could melt a hockey player's heart simply by gazing into their souls with her deep, blue eyes. Nina is just a kid that looks good in a bikini.

Kendall Jenner can walk and show off her nipples at the same time
Her biggest coup to date! Kendall Jenner cements her model standing as she walks the catwalk in Chanel's Paris Fashion Week show
My Comment:  It's official, Kendall is the only Kardashian that can walk and chew gum at the same time.  Rating ▲1

Photographic evidence that Kendall Jenner can walk and has not had massive breast implants surgically inserted into her body.

EXCLUSIVE: Pictured, Justin Bieber's bad boy dad dancing in a grass skirt enjoying '$50,000 allowance' his son gives HIM at mansion superstar bought him
My Comment:  My son only gives me an allowance of $15 a month. Cheap poser.  Rating ▼0

Jessica Alba
She's earned her fashion stripes! Jessica Alba is zesty in a colorful coat as she arrives at JFK airport
My Comment: Poor dear, her husband has left her and she's had to make a coat out of a carpet she stole from a bank. By the way, I like my Italian dressing zesty; I like my gorgeous celebrities perky, or maybe sassy.  Rating ▼2

My bad.  I got this one mixed up with the horse-faced one from 90210.  Not much of a comment but at least I got a couple of reds.

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