Friday, February 28, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 2/28/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

girl shoots cougar made queen of the children of the corn
How girl ELEVEN grabbed gun and shot dead cougar that was stalking her brother
My Comment:  Did they eat the cougar after they killed it?  I had to eat Kris Jenner last summer and it tasted terrible.

And I'm still picking the gray pubes out of my teeth.  And the girl's name is not Malachi, but it should be.

Rob Kardashian too ugly and fat for family no wedding invite
Rob Kardashian 'may undergo stomach stapling surgery to meet Kris Jenner's weight loss deadline'
My Comment:  That's totally normal.  In my family, we never let the fat or ugly members ever ruin a family photo, especially a wedding photo.  If Khloe married into my family, you would never see her again.

George Zimmerman full metal jacket funny
George Zimmerman’s girlfriend showed police a photo of marks on her neck after he choked her
My Comment: Is George Zimmerman gonna have to choke a bitch?  Sad thing is, Zimmerman would probably shoot Wayne Brady for looking suspicious. He would definitely shoot Dave Chapelle.

Bethenny Frankel flashes wide open beaver
Censored! Bethenny Frankel's modesty preserved with a digital disco ball as she reveals more than she bargained for while dancing in mini dress
My Comment: Do they give the audience vomit bags or do they just cover the first few rows with plastic for their own protection.

Bethenny Frankel pussy slip oops funny

Given that face and that pussy, how many Q-Tips do you think Bethenny Frankel goes through in a day?

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Have Katy and John split? Perry 'ended her relationship with Mayer in the last few days'
My Comment:   If I was a woman, and found myself in the same room as John Mayer, I would grab my nether region and get the heck out of there. He is bad news and irresistible, like a moth to a flamethrower.  Rating ▲128

It's official, rightwing nutjobs and lefty pantywaists all hate John Mayer.

China air pollution funny
Chinese couple don't let smog ruin their wedding day... and happily pose for photos wearing GAS MASKS
My Comment: If Rob Kardashian wears a gas mask and one of Kim's ginormous, fat-hiding coats, maybe his mom will let him go to the wedding.  Rating ▲6

Rob Kardashian wedding crasher funny

Yay, a call back.  If I was Rob's lawyer, I would argue that if Khloe gets to go to the wedding so should Rob.  They are both ugly.

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