When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
A frail Bruce Jenner leaves a clinic with a bandaged throat after 'undergoing surgery to decrease Adam's Apple'
My Comment: If I was Bruce, I would have gotten bigger implants. Maybe a nice C-cup or something even bigger like Kim, Khloe and Kourtney.
Christie Brinkley and Sports Illustrated models strip to bikinis for Air New Zealand's in-flight safety video
My Comment: How will I be able to fasten my seat belt after Christie "raises" my interest in air safety? Ouch.
Man with a 14 inch TAIL is worshipped as a reincarnation of an Indian monkey god
My Comment: The Indians have always been an accepting and tolerant people, willing to caste off their differences and embrace everyone without prejudice.
I'd rather have a bowl of Coco Popes! Francis is presented with a chocolate statue of himself at the Vatican
My Comment: Think of all the little boys that can be rewarded with that candy!
Darn it, not subtle enough. I should have gone with:
Wouldn't be the first time a little boy licked a pope, or
Pontiff, is that a Nestle's bar in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? or
They probably should have used white chocolate.
New, available at the Vatican Gift Shop, for that special altar boy in your life.
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
Kanye West 'confronts Anna Wintour' for picking Lena Dunham over Kim Kardashian' for Vogue cover
My Comment: Lena Durham is a writer, director and actress. Kim Kardashian has sex with famous men. Even somebody as dumb as Kayne should be able to figure this out. Rating ▲97
BTW, that's a photo of Kayne posing with my grandmother's couch.
Why does nobody want to adopt the dog with two noses?
My Comment: Because he's got twice the smell? Thank you and good night New Jersey! Rating ▲5
BTW, Snuffles has two noses like Joaquin Phoenix has two mouths. It's just a cleft, Daily Mail.
Nice future headline: Joaquin Phoenix Adopts Dog with Two Noses.