Monday, March 17, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 3/17/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

funny Daily Mail comments

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

driving while black in Florida funny
Aren’t you a little young to be behind the wheel? Adorable moment toddler is ‘pulled over’ by police in her toy convertible and given a $4 ticket
My Comment:   After the officer gave her the ticket, he shot her in the back.  It's Florida, and she's driving a BMW while black.

Kourtney Kardashian see-throug hot
Kourtney Kardashian unleashes her wild side in see-through blouse and jean
My Comment:   Wild?  More like cheap.   I'm sure that outfit cost $3000, but she looks like a two-bit ho. The only thing missing is a couple of band-aids and some bruises.  How much for a happy ending,  Kourtney?

Ohio couple heroin overdose at McDonalds
Couple jailed after overdosing on heroin while at a McDonald's play area with their children
My Comment:  It might be this smack I just shot up while at KFC but aren't they the same person?

cross-dressing twins Ohio couple heroin overdose at McDonalds

Seriously. there's nothing better than a Happy Meal with a Snowball chaser, especially when I'm stuck in Ohio.

Kelly Brook boyfriend hot badger breath
Animal lover Kelly Brook 'tore strips' from ex-Gladiator boyfriend for crashing van full of dead badgers into bus stop
My Comment:  Talk about disappointment!  I thought she literally tore strips off him, maybe to fashion a cute human skin skirt.  You English with your funny sayings and your more tolerant PETA members.

Kelly Brook, hot model and PETA supporter, dates a guy that gets paid to drive a truck full of dead badgers.  I'm thinking that if I buy a hip, new outfit and stop shaving, I have a shot.  I am a veggie. 

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kate Gosselin terrible mother bangs bodyguard
Kate Gosselin held hands with her married bodyguard and yelled at twins Mady and Cara, 13, at Demi Lovato concert
My Comment:  If Lindsay Lohan was going through menopause. she would be Kate Gosselin.  Rating ▲157

I used to write jokes for Dennis Miller.

Gemma Worrall hot
I've got 17 GCSEs says Gemma Worrall who thought 'Barraco Barner' was President
My Comment: She's obviously smarter than any of the Kardashians, and better looking. If she has "relations" with a rapper on video, she can be a big star in America. Good advice. Rating ▼9

Who wore it better? Kim Kardashian or Alessandra Ambrosio
Double take! Alessandra Ambrosio wears a VERY tight curve-hugging dress... that Kim Kardashian modeled three months ago
My Comment:   Kim Kardashian would wear that same outfit, in the same size, and look like a concrete bunker.  Rating ▲13

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