When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.
You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right? Right? Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.
Rejected Comments of the Past Week
Heidi Klum displays her fantastic figure... as she enjoys another day on the beach with toyboy lover
My Comment: That guy is the worst boytoy ever. Did she get him free when she bought a stick of gum?
Kim Kardashian shows off famous booty in a pair of low slung jeans
My Comment: Kim Kardashian still has a fat ass. News at 11. This is proof that the Daily Mail is required to have 10 Kim Kardashian stories a day or her mom stops sending them a check.
My dream puppies!' Paris Hilton 'spends $25K on two adorable Pomeranians and gives one to mom Kathy as an anniversary gift'
My Comment: "She's known for being quite the animal as the proud owner of seven dogs." Why is Paris Hilton known as an animal? Does she beat her dogs? Does she "sleep" with them? Please explain.
Seems Daily Mail editors get paid to hack famous cell phones. They leave the actual editing to the site's commentators.
Jungle fever! Vanessa Hudgens flashes her perfectly-toned abs in a leopard print crop top and leggings for a glamorous workout
My Comment: Maybe Khloe Kardashian thinks she looks like Vanessa when she waddles to a workout dressed like a cheetah.
Fat, stupid and slow is no way for a predator cat to go through life , son. -- Dean Wormer.
Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.
'You truly had the best eyebrows in the world': Cara Delevingne pays touching tribute to lookalike grandmother after she passes away aged 102
My Comment: When I die, I hope my eyebrows aren't the only things my granddaughter misses. Cara's a superficial piece of lint or that grandmother was a serious be-atch. Rating ▼1
Seriously, "best eyebrows" is the best you can come up with when you describe your dead grandmother? The only way that's a touching tribute is if Cara is actually touching her grandmother's eyebrows when she says it.
Besides, everyone knows that Nicholas Cage has the best eyebrows.
'I live for my daughters': Tearful Teresa Giudice shares her love for her family and reminisces about her early years in pre-prison interview.
My Comment: If she cared about her daughters more than money, she wouldn't be in jail. The girls would be better off without her. Rating ▲11
Where's all my red arrows? I would have thought that Teresa, a disgustingly rich, New Jersey stay-at-home mom with big boobs and a felony conviction for mail, wire and bankruptcy fraud, would be a poster girl for Chris Christie's Republican Party. Apparently not.
Because I care about my loyal readers. And because I created an image of Chris Christie banging Teresa Guidice doggy-style then shrunk it way down to fit in the Daily Mail header at the top of the bit. And because, what the hell, how often to get to screw with two felons from New Jersey by having them screw? Here's the big version of the photoshop.
So for everyone who got to this page by googling:
Teresa Guidice porn
Chris Christie screwing the electorate
Teresa Guidice fake nudes
Chris Christie giving the good news to a big donor
Teresa Guidice sitting on a big bonerand
Chris Christie O-Face
BTW, it looks like the Governor is making all the right moves in all the right places.
This concludes the google punking portion of the broadcast.