This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/16/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.


Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Ahoy there sailor! Kim Kardashian sports captain's hat as she puts ample cleavage on display
My Comment:   Sailor Kim?  Could be, she is a woman that would be very comfortable with a boatload of seamen.

Amy Schumer goes completely topless as she climbs into bed with Star Wars robots for hilarious new GQ shoot
My Comment:  This photo is stupid.  Everyone knows C3PO and R2D2 are gay.

I'm pretty sure they got married last summer in New Jersey.

Kourtney, Kim and Khloe wear super tight white outfits as younger sisters come to the rescue
My Comment:  Fetch me my harpoon, Ishmael.  There's a pod of Kardashians off the starboard bow.

North ruins pregnant Kim's $4500 Lanvin coat with her buttery popcorn following trip to the movies with Kanye
My Comment:  Grease?  No way.  Obviously, it's a splooge stain.  Pregnant Kim was probably making a new video in the men's room of the movie theater.  It's all about content, people.


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Michelle Keegan displays her taut abs in crop top and scalloped skirt as she watches Mark Wright install private gym in marital home
My Comment:  I could watch her watch her husband all day.  Rating ▼41

I'm not complaining but why the negativity?

Donald Trump calls 'El Chapo' escape proof of Mexico's 'corruption' 
My Comment:  Donald Trump is proof that you don't have to be intelligent to be rich. Especially when your dad gives you all the money.  Rating ▼52

Chantelle Houghton shows off her weight loss as she coordinates her all-white look to her daughter Dolly
My Comment:  That's quite a package. I'd like to unwrap it in the privacy of my hotel room without the kid. The bow is really nice.  Rating ▼5

Donald Trump Hates Mexicans and Jews. Loves Nazis. Tweet, Tweet.

Donald Trump tweeted this image yesterday of himself and a bunch of Nazis.   It's a campaign ad.  Turns out The Donald hates Mexicans, and Jews.

Don't believe me?  Look.

Donald Trump, who never takes responsibility for anything, blamed a "very young intern."  A very young intern designed a campaign ad and didn't get approval from anyone on staff?  He'll probably be Trump's Secretary of State.

The only thing Republicans love more than fear is hate so naturally Donald Trump's poll numbers went up.  He's number 1!!!

I know how to improve Donald Trump's poll numbers even more.

Less subtle, more votes. Where do I apply for an internship?

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/1/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.


Rejected Comments of the Past Week

'All those extra gym sessions paid off': Coronation Street star Kym Marsh is thrilled to be crowned Rear Of The Year 2015
My Comment:  Grandma: 'In my day, we got a fat ass by eating too much, we didn't need no implants or pretending to go to the gym.'

Pregnant Imogen Thomas draws attention to her growing baby bump 
My Comment:   Imogen looks like a big, yellow beach ball with ample nipples and camel toe.  I'd bounce.

Cowgirl in a cape! Selena Gomez shows off perfect pins in denim shorts
My Comment:  Calling Selena a cowgirl because her big nipples are showing is mean.

Hey England, cowboys and cowgirls don't wear teeny cutoff  shorts.  If they did, they would get nasty sores on their inner thighs and nobody wants that.  Cowboys and cowgirls wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats.

Only British cowboys wear tiny denim shorts and they look like this.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Charity golfer gets head stuck in bin after 24-hour drunk tournament
My Comment:  If I saw an old guy dressed like that, I'd try to throw him out too.  Rating ▲128

Someone's gone and thrown out a perfectly good white boy.  The first caller to correctly identify the iconic 1980's movie that contained this quote will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt*.

Fitness fanatic Lucy Mecklenburgh shows off her super-toned curves in skintight gym gear as she heads for a grueling workout
My Comment:  I don't know who this woman is but she always looks great walking to her car.  Rating ▼1

Braless Natalie Portman looks summery in flirty floral mini skirt as she goes shopping
My Comment:  That kid must have always been hungry. I hope they feed him properly now.  Rating ▼18

US flag makers stop making Confederate flags in the wake of Charleston shooting
My Comment:  Flags?  What about guns? The US has to stop making so many gun$.  Rating ▼42

Flags don't kill people.  People with guns kill people.  Gun nuts are always good for red arrows.

* Disclaimer: Friends, family and readers of this blog are not eligible for this contest.