Wednesday, January 29, 2014

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 1/29/14

Another Post Courtesy of the Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the Daily Mail Online. Now there's another reason to visit the Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

funny Alec Baldwin
Alec Baldwin and wife Hilaria cuddle up for the cameras as she celebrates being on magazine cover
My Comment:  It's nice to see Alec Baldwin spending quality time with his estranged daughter. Oh, that's his wife? Nevermind.

President Cristina Kirchner hot
Fidel Castro holds court in Cuba as Argentina's Cristina Kirchner stops by for a friendly pre-summit chat
My Comment:  I'd communist party with President Kirchner all night long! ¡Muy inteligente y sexy!

Kim Kardashian before and after photoshop funny breasts
'It's out of control!' Lactating Kim springs a leak on Keeping Up With The Kardashians
My Comment:  I'm surprised Kim hasn't started putting her breast milk into designer bottles and selling it at Wal-Mart. There is nothing too low class for that lot. And there seems to be an ample supply of wholesome milk.

Kim Kardashian breast milk lactating funny

From baby North's lips to God's ears.  Kim Kardashian breast milk for everybody!

And before we move on from Kim Kardashian, a bud of mine that works for a photographer that shall remain nameless found this.

Proof positive that photoshop is a girl's best friend.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Kate Gosselin mean mom
'You embarrassed mommy!' Kate Gosselin 'went crazy at teenage daughters' after THAT awkward interview
My Comment:   Those kids paid for everything Kate has -- including all the plastic surgery. She's got her priorities all wrong. They should give all those kids to Angelina Jolie to raise. Angelina knows how to be a celebrity and a mom.  Rating ▲24

Kendall Jenner nose job funny
Has Kendall had a nose job? Jenner, 18, sparks speculation after debuting thinner-looking nose that resembles sister Kim's
My Comment:   It's impossible to obtain a Kardashian with their original equipment. Everything is new and improved.  Rating ▲18

Can  you blame the poor girl?  Look at the honker she has in the photo on the left!  She must have been teased terribly at school.   If she was at my high school, I would have taunted Kendall with the old standards like, "Hey banana nose, leave some cocaine for the rest of us!" or "Dumbo called, he says your nose would embarrass a rabbi!"

Kim Kardashian wardrobe malfunction funny
OMG my dress just broke!' Kim Kardashian left scrambling for a new skirt following embarrassing wardrobe malfunction.
My Comment:   Kim you are fat. Wear clothes that fit. Problem solved.  Rating ▲17

It looks like Kourtney, Khloe and Jessica Simpson have become trapped in that skirt and are struggling to break free of Kim's walnut-crushing thighs.  Or maybe Kim Kardashian is fat.  

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