This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/1/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Paris Hilton takes pet Chihuahua Peter Pan along to her exercise class
My Comment:  My mom always said that after I died, if I was a very good boy, I'd come back as Paris Hilton's pooch.  If I was a bad boy, I'd come back as Paris Hilton's cooch.

I was always a good boy -- and a bed wetter.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen conceal their bikini bodies in chic printed cover-ups as they lounge poolside in Cabo
My Comment:  Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson.  Sisters?  Or lovers?  Or both?  Heath Ledger knew, now he sleeps with the fishes.

 

The giant babies that weigh a combined 6 1/2 STONE aged just ten months: Obese duo sent for special treatment in Colombia
My Comment:   Cute kids but that mother must have the most productive mammary glands in human history.  Kim Kardashian and Baby North must be so jealous. 

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

So that's why she unfriended Kylie Jenner! Selena Gomez 'flipped out' over texts sent by reality star to Justin Bieber 
My Comment: Mud wrestling! Pay-per-view mud wrestling is the only way to properly settle this feud. The winner gets Justin, the loser has to sing at the wedding.  Rating ▲1

Of course, big sister Kim Kardashian has to hog into the limelight.

  

'My booty got bigger!' Coco Austin shares jaw-dropping photo of her famed rear as she boasts that it grew TWO INCHES wider
My Comment:  Get over yourself Coco! Us regular people call that getting fat.  Rating ▲4

EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump doubles down, insists racist Donald Sterling rant recording 'was a total set-up' captured by 'the girlfriend from hell' 
My Comment:  Oh, poor little, defenseless, BILLIONAIRE Donald Trump's quote was taken out of context. I'm cryin' here. Hey Donald, how about you shut up for once.  Rating ▼3

Med student, Elizabeth Raine, who is auctioning her virginity reveals her face
My Comment:  Unlike wine, the older a virgin gets, the less palatable she becomes. She should take the money and run (or maybe not run, maybe just lie there with her eyes shut tight).  Rating ▲5

She's not a football! Jessica Simpson tweets 'yikes' as fiance Eric Johnson throws daughter Maxwell 10ft in the air
My Comment:  If she was engaged to a soccer player it would be more of a story.  Rating ▲13

You know, because instead of practicing catching, he would be practicing kicking.