The NFL: Violence Against Women? Not So Bad

Back on February 20th, I made a prediction about Ray Rice punching a woman.

Commissioner Roger Goodell gave Ray Rice a two day suspension.  If you're an NFL player and smoke a joint in the privacy of your own apartment, you get four days.  If you punch the snot out of a woman until she's unconscious then get caught on video dragging her out of elevator to cover up the crime, you only get two days.

Roger Goodell is sending a message.

Ouch.  That's tough.  Did you not hear?  Ray Rice a punched a woman until she collapsed, unconscious.   Ouchy ouch.

Baltimore coach John Harbaugh is making like Tammy Wynette and standing by his man.  What if Ray Rice was caught dragging John Harbaugh's wife out of an elevator after knocking her out?

What if Ray Rice punched his coach into unconsciousness and got caught on video dragging John Harbaugh out of an elevator?  Is Roger Goodell soft on Violence Against Coaches?

Of course when the season starts and everyone goes pink for NFL Cares About Breast Cancer, all this will be forgotten.  Nike and the NFL have to sell jerseys.

What woman wouldn't like a Officially-Licensed Limited-Edition Pink Sweetheart Ray Rice Nike Baltimore Ravens #27 jersey?  It's shiny and pink, and form-fitted, so that your breasts really stand out. 

I have another prediction.  Ray Rice's pink jersey will not be a best seller, except in Baltimore.

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/10/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Lindsay Lohan flaunts her cleavage and legs in a plunging floral-print playsuit as she steps out in New York
My Comment:  In the fashion industry, we call that look heroin un-chic.

Father, son and the holy vegetable: Cook finds God...in an eggplant
My Comment:  Upside down that eggplant clearly spells COD.  Maybe it dreamed of being served on a plate with a nice piece of fish.

The fun of the fair! Kim Kardashian enjoys rides and churros at the Jersey Shore
My Comment:  Putting penis-shaped objects in her mouth on camera is Kim Kardashian's career.

That's not the first time Kim has gotten all hot and bothered by a churro and a corn dog.   Remember the Ray J video?

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Making a boob of herself! Jennifer Lawrence reveals an eyeful as she goes braless at Dior show.  The Hunger Games star flashed some serious sideboob..... before facepalming Emma Watson! 
My Comment:  "The Hunger Games star flashed some serious sideboob."   I'm a big fan of sideboob but serious sideboob is my least favorite. Give me flirtatious sideboob, supple sideboob, playful sideboob, lots of sideboob but serious sideboob?  I never figured Jennifer Lawrence would have a serious side.  Rating ▲3

Sexy sisters in the city! Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian show off enviable legs in form-fitting outfits on a New York stroll
My Comment:  Kourtney is the only one with good legs and she's preggers.  Rating ▲3

'It was magical': Jessica Simpson raves about her wedding day as she shares first glimpse of her Carolina Herrera gown
My Comment:   While her husband kisses her, Jessica is focused solely on the camera -- perfectly capturing the shallowness of her personality.  Rating ▲10

Starting this week, I'm introducing a new feature to my weekly Daily Mail bit.

The Daily Mail Pokies of the Week!

Feeling perky?  See if you can guess the owner of these delightful celebrity nipples.

The first correct caller will receive a rare Unclemelon.com How to Eat Pussy t-shirt*.  I'll give you a hint.  Those "magical" pokies do not belong to Emma Watson.  I'll give you another hint.  I biebelieve that the astounding display of cleavage and perkiness is achieved without a bra but justin case I'm wrong, oh baby, that's an impressive... Screw it , that's enough hints.

Did you guess America's sweetheart, Selena Gomez!?!  Wow!  Selena is a hot, sweaty mess of deliciousness.

Justin (Bieber) case you missed the pokies in the first photo, the considerate editors at The Daily Mail include three more.

* Readers of the blog PoundTheBudweiser and members of their family are not eligible for this contest.

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 7/3/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

'Doctors said I wouldn't be able to conceive again!': Jennifer Ellison reveals she is six months pregnant with her third child 
My Comment:  Obviously, those doctors underestimated the incredible amount of spunk Jennifer possesses.  Spunk she's not afraid to use, over, and over again. You show 'em, girlfriend!

Monica Lewinsky is out on the town in London as Hillary Clinton jets in to promote her book
My Comment:  Hopefully, they'll both party at the Chiltern Firehouse and they'll both get caught making out with Lindsey Lohan.  Now that would be news!

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Robert F Kennedy Jr will be deposed by husband of 'mistress' Chelsea Kirwan same week he plans to wed Cheryl Hines
My Comment:  Why don't those two have a reality TV show? Their lives are a joke.  Keeping Up With the Kennedys!  Rating ▲86

I'm going to pitch it to E!  That daughter will need breast implants and butt implants and then we're good to go.

On a very special KUWTKennedys, Cheryl gets upset when Junior selects small-breasted Taylor Swift to be on his touch football team before he selects her.  Is the wedding off!?!

Maya Peterson forced to resign as Lawrenceville School's first black student-president
My Comment:  White people have no sense of humor, especially the snooty 1%ers. #RomneyDumb  Rating ▼54

Las Vegas in danger of running out of water by 2036
My Comment:  This is not a surprise.  Build a big city in the desert with no planning and you get what you deserve. The high rollers can drink champagne.  Rating ▲86

'I'm not feeling great in myself': Chantelle Houghton opens up about piling on the pounds as she displays fuller figure on holiday
My Comment:  Somebody please tell Chantelle that they make one piece bathing suits with skirts or maybe a sweatsuit would be better.  Rating ▲15

Remember Kim Kardashian's 3 Ps for the perfect image -- plastic surgery, photoshop and personal photographers (It's really 4 Ps but don't tell Kim.  She'll cry and then eat a cheesecake).