Friday, July 9, 2010

The LeBron James Variety and Comedy Hour - The bit that never was...

funny LeBron James I was going to have this incredibly cool and funny bit posted yesterday that poked fun at the LeBron ESPN Hour Long Primetime Special from Downtown Greenwich, Connecticut, but my Boss said no. He didn't actually say no, he just piled so much work on that I was unable to take a lunch or go on my entirely legal half hour morning coffee break.

very funny LeBron James It was going to be this great combo of those 70's variety shows with the first name of the host in big funkadelic letters and today's reality television. There's the Knicks owner, James Dolan after a tear inspiring rose ceremony.

lol funny LeBron James
I may have mentioned this before, but I hate my job with a passion worthy of Mel Gibson. My job is mind-numbingly boring, unfathomly useless and demeaning in ways that only a piss bucket boy from the 1700's would understand. Every minute I am at work is a punch in the neck, a kick in the balls, a spike hammered through my eye into the part of my brain where joy resides. Still, it does pay the bills and I'm eternally grateful for all the pain and anguish.

Check this out, I went to the trouble of assembling the flashy greats of basketball, Michael, Dr. J, Magic, and The Big O dressed like the Four Tops!

not quite so funny as the one before it LeBron James
I was going to create this nifty visual with comic legend, Flip Wilson,

flip wilson, no LeBron James
an exceptionally hot photo of Queen Latifa,

Queen Latifa looking do a ble
a goofy LeBron headshot and some words in Cooper Black font,

least funny LeBron James so far

Coulda, shoulda, woulda, frickin' boss.

not so funny LeBron James
I was also going to have LeBron sing
All by myself.
Don't wanna be,
All by myself,
You know, that mushy like a three week old banana song by Eric Carmen of The Raspberries.

The Raspberries, lame name. Did youk now that raspberry has a p in it?  It does.
He was gonna be all misty and sing it in a duet with

mega-star Joey Heatherton. You remember her, Joey looked like Mrs. Brady from The Brady Bunch after a month long bender spent in a hotel room with the entire roster of the Kentucky Colonels.

Joey Heatherton and Florence Henderson and me in a big naked pile with marshmallow fluff and chocolate syrup.Maybe next time.

btw, if I was LeBron I would have picked Miami, too. Great weather, incredible nightlife, stellar teammates and good fans that will not make your life miserable if you lose one game to Minnesota.


  1. Bob,

    I use to love bball way back when Jordan, Pippin, Ewing, Johnson were the stars. I loved loved Chicago Bulls. Now I have no idea who Lebron is except that he plays basketball and he was a guest star in the series entourage. Yes, I know pathetic.

    Your job sounds like my job.


  2. Virginia!

    John Starks was my guy. I HATED the Bulls and Reggie Miller.

    I believe it was me that said, "Work sucks worse than Karl Rove with a mouthful of broken glass!" (Even I'm getting sick of this one)


  3. Bobby,

    I had a pretty good two-handed set shot in my day. Didn't have no namby-pampy 3-pt line back then or I would have gotten a scholarship.

    Did I ever tell you about the time Bob Hope and I performed with Joey Heatherton in Saigon? While Rosemary Clooney entertained the troops, we snuck across the 17th parallel and performed our own Teat Offensive on Ms. Heatherton in Hope's dressing room!


  4. Bill,

    I used to like rotisserie chicken back when I ate meat.

    I'm keeping track, so far, Lee Merriweather and Joey Heatherton. Pretty sweet.

    Anybody else we should know about?