This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/22/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

'North was conceived among Renaissance masterpieces': Kanye West reveals why he'll marry Kim Kardashian in the couple's secret favourite city Florence
My  Comment:  Impregnating Kim Kardashian in a public bathroom, in a museum, in Europe, is like farting in an elevator, every guy has done it -- we just don't admit it.

Debra Messing reveals her newly slimline bikini body in a selfie after losing 20lbs 
My Comment:   Look!  She copyrighted her cute, little boobies, © Debra Messing 2014.  I'm going to copyright my penis selfies the next time Debbie and I are sexting so I look more professional.

Kim Kardashian steps out for pre-wedding work-out with fiance Kanye West
My Comment:   Good thing they're not getting married in Florida because Kanye would definitely get shot in that outfit.

If you gave Kanye a bag of Skittles, they'd be a line a mile long in Florida of guys wanting to shoot him dead.  TrooF.  Deal.

Kardashian Klan take Paris by storm
My Comment:   While she's in Europe, Khloe should lie down in the road and let The Beatles walk over her.  Because those are some WIDE stripes!

Khloe always does what she's told.


 Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

'I'd like to thank my wife!' Robin Thicke dedicates Billboard Award to Paula Patton as he unveils new love song she inspired
My Comment:  The song and the performance were bland, boring and nearly put me to sleep. Maybe it wasn't the cheating that drove his wife away, maybe it was his lack of passion.  Rating ▲17

iPumped! Arnold Schwarzenegger shows off his bulging pecs as he takes selfie on tablet during sunbathing session in Cannes
My Comment:  It looks like Arnold just had twins. Sagging boobs, flabby belly full of stretch marks and, is that a cesarean section scar? Somebody please help that old lady get out of her chair! Rating ▲1

Opera world erupts with anger at 'sexist' comments by critics calling Tara Erraught 'stocky' and 'chubby'
My Comment:  She has the same body as a Kardashian. If Tara slept with a rapper, the Daily Mail would be telling us how fit her bikini body is after her grueling workout. Rating ▲17

Went all green this week.  Bummer.   I thought making fun of  mein favorite Black Plowman  would have garnered some hate but apparently there's no DM love for a rightwinger that plowed a Kennedy and his housekeeper.

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/16/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Visitors flock to Turkey's Love Valley to see some erotic erosion
My Comment:   Seems like every pillar in Turkey is rock hard and circumcised.

Groom thinks wedding is blessed because he fell through table at his stag party and got holy bruise
My Comment:  Mel Gibson should make a movie starring Greg Kinnear.  Americans will flock to it and it will make gazillions.

Is this the most disturbing swimsuit ever?
My Comment:   Where are her ovaries, fallopian tubes and vagina?  That's not human anatomy.  It must be what a Barbie doll looks like on the inside.

'Lord' Disick takes a male pal for a spin on the back of his three-wheeled motorcycle
My Comment:   What's next, one of those WalMart scooters with the basket on the front?  Lame.  Kan't Kourtney buy a better man?

Son of Sam serial killer skips parole hearing because he believes ‘Jesus has forgiven him and set him free' 
My Comment:  Son of Sam meet Son of God.   Jesus has worst taste in men than Taylor Swift.


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Beyonce shows public support for sister Solange in wake of her sibling's elevator attack on Jay Z by posting tender Instagram shots of the pair
My Comment:   If I was dating Solange, I'd tell her to lighten her hair, take photos of us together, and then tweet everybody that I just met Beyonce. Rating ▼8

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/9/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Trump Towers! Ivanka Trump looks statuesque in heels as she shows her figure in satin bustier and blush pink skirt
My Comment:   Gorgeous!  Ivana hump that Trump.  And just to be clear, I don't want to hump Ivana, I want to hump Ivanka.

Kim Kardashian drives camera-filled luxury car after attending gala event
My Comment:   Kim looks good with a moustache.   Maybe she should get a sex change.  Then she wouldn't have to pretend and could just become a fat slob like her brother.

This isn't the first time Kim Kardashian has grown out her facial hair.  Last year, for Cinco de Mayo, Kim made a controversial visit to Fox and Friends dressed as the "Least Interesting Man in the World."


Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Uncalled for!' The Voice Australia causes a social media storm after contestant's partner breastfeeds during live audition
My Comment:  She's got twice the talent of anybody on America's The Voice. Can she sing and breastfeed at the same time because that would be hot!  Rating ▼9

Not to be outdone by the Australian affiliate, Carson Daly, the host of the U.S. The Voice, agreed to breastfeed on this week's show.

She's been having too many bones! Inside the 'doggy fat camps' for America's 37 million obese pooches
My Comment:  Maybe Chris Christie should spend a couple of months there. New Jersey, where the dogs are fat, the Governor's stupid and the women have names like Snooki and JWoww.  Rating ▲4

Details of the proposal: George Clooney 'cooked a meal at his LA mansion for Amal Alamuddin before getting down on one knee'
My Comment:  When George got down on one knee, did she have to help him up?  Because, you know, he's kind of old.  Rating ▲4

Interesting factoid: Rightwing nutjobbers in England don't hate George Clooney with the passion of Mel Gibson.

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 5/1/14

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Paris Hilton takes pet Chihuahua Peter Pan along to her exercise class
My Comment:  My mom always said that after I died, if I was a very good boy, I'd come back as Paris Hilton's pooch.  If I was a bad boy, I'd come back as Paris Hilton's cooch.

I was always a good boy -- and a bed wetter.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen conceal their bikini bodies in chic printed cover-ups as they lounge poolside in Cabo
My Comment:  Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson.  Sisters?  Or lovers?  Or both?  Heath Ledger knew, now he sleeps with the fishes.

 

The giant babies that weigh a combined 6 1/2 STONE aged just ten months: Obese duo sent for special treatment in Colombia
My Comment:   Cute kids but that mother must have the most productive mammary glands in human history.  Kim Kardashian and Baby North must be so jealous. 

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

So that's why she unfriended Kylie Jenner! Selena Gomez 'flipped out' over texts sent by reality star to Justin Bieber 
My Comment: Mud wrestling! Pay-per-view mud wrestling is the only way to properly settle this feud. The winner gets Justin, the loser has to sing at the wedding.  Rating ▲1

Of course, big sister Kim Kardashian has to hog into the limelight.

  

'My booty got bigger!' Coco Austin shares jaw-dropping photo of her famed rear as she boasts that it grew TWO INCHES wider
My Comment:  Get over yourself Coco! Us regular people call that getting fat.  Rating ▲4

EXCLUSIVE: Donald Trump doubles down, insists racist Donald Sterling rant recording 'was a total set-up' captured by 'the girlfriend from hell' 
My Comment:  Oh, poor little, defenseless, BILLIONAIRE Donald Trump's quote was taken out of context. I'm cryin' here. Hey Donald, how about you shut up for once.  Rating ▼3

Med student, Elizabeth Raine, who is auctioning her virginity reveals her face
My Comment:  Unlike wine, the older a virgin gets, the less palatable she becomes. She should take the money and run (or maybe not run, maybe just lie there with her eyes shut tight).  Rating ▲5

She's not a football! Jessica Simpson tweets 'yikes' as fiance Eric Johnson throws daughter Maxwell 10ft in the air
My Comment:  If she was engaged to a soccer player it would be more of a story.  Rating ▲13

You know, because instead of practicing catching, he would be practicing kicking.