Tuesday, March 17, 2015

This Week's Rejected Daily Mail Comments -- 3/17/15

Another Post Courtesy of the The Daily Mail - I kid Rupert Murdoch a lot when we see each other at the Friar's Club but his rag does supply an endless assortment of crap for my blog.

When you really, really need to see celebrity nipples poking through skintight blouses there is only one place to go on the web, the The Daily Mail. Now there's another reason to visit The Daily Mail, a new game for killing time at work. The goal is to get as many red down arrows as possible when you comment on their articles.

You'd think it would be easy. The Daily Mail is just like the New York Post except it's targeted at toothless limeys instead of toothless guys from Staten Island. Work some pro-ObamaCare into your comment, maybe a gay marriage doesn't really hurt anyone, and those red arrows will start piling up, right?  Right?  Wrong. The problem is you have to get your comments through those warehouses full of censors housed somewhere just east of Mumbai.

Rejected Comments of the Past Week

Jessica Simpson hot mug shot
Jessica Simpson wears an ill-advised outdated ensemble for date night.
My Comment:   Jessica looks like a transvestite convict in "Orange is the New Black."

Hey Big Jess, I have more hormones than I need and your 5 o'clock shadow is kicking in before lunch.  We should talk.

Suzanne Shaw pregnancy test funny
Suzanne Shaw announces she is expecting her first child with fiance Sam Greenfield with cute candid video.
My Comment:  Classy!  The next celebrity mom-to-be will share a selfie of the creampie.

I predict that Kim Kardashian will be the first celebrity to post a creampie selfie of the moment of conception of her 2nd child.

Kim Kardashian creampie funny

Oops, looks like I'm right again.  Kim has revealed that she and Kanye have sex 500 times a day but she still can't get knocked up.  Do you think they're using the wrong orifice?  Not the two brightest stars in the reality skies.  Also, not sure they understand how to count.

Victoria Beckham make up funny
Victoria Beckham risks ruining her flawless make-up as she sheds a TEAR at Alexander McQueen fashion gala 
My Comment:   Victoria looks like an evil stepmother in a Tim Burton movie.  You expect a maggot to crawl out of her implants.  Corpse Bride II: The Unsmiling Undead?

corpse bride funny

Maggot:  Yuck,too many artificial ingredients.

Accepted Comments

Sometimes I do get a comment through the censors. Remember my goal is to get as many red arrows as possible.

Revived by the power of love: Incredible moment 'dead' premature baby came back to life after mother begged to cuddle him for a few last moments and ordered baby's dad to take off his shirt and help
My Comment:  It is well known in the Aborigine culture that rubbing a hairy man chest on a dead baby will bring it back to life. Western medicine can learn so much from misunderstood "savage" societies.  Rating ▲4

Or maybe the baby wasn't actually dead and why did this nasty comment go green?  St. Patty's Day, maybe?

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